Life Influencer #1: My Mom

I’m hoping by now that you have contacted the first person on your list of “Life Influencers,” which is what these special people will be referred to from this point on (see my last post HERE if you have not).  For me, my mom is number one on my list. She is the person that I can call at any time of the day or night for any reason whatsoever. I have the freedom to say whatever I need to as I’m working through tough times in life and she will still love me without judgment.  I know if I send her a quick text asking for prayer when things are tough, she will immediately call out to God on my behalf. I can talk about things with my mom that I wouldn’t dare talk to anyone else about, and I know she guards my secrets. Out of all of the things I can write about her, there is one thing that my mom has taught me that stands out above the rest.  Let me start from the beginning.

In 1976 I was born into a picture-perfect family.  We lived in a small town in southeastern Virginia and, to be honest, our life was pretty close to perfect.  My dad was an education specialist at a prison in my home town and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. Dad went to work every morning, was home by 4:15, and dinner was on the table at 4:30.  Mom tended to the needs of our family throughout the day and was home every afternoon when my brother and I arrived from school. We were that picture-perfect little family that you’d see in a movie.  My parents created a peaceful environment in our home full of love, respect, and security. We never knew heartache until that fateful year.  

In 1979, my dad had a mole taken off the back of his hand.  He found that putting his hand in and out of his pocket irritated it, so he had it removed.  His doctor sent it off to be biopsied, just to be on the safe side. The biopsy came back clear, but within a short amount of time, the mole grew back again. Another biopsy was performed and when the report came back, dad was told that the mole was not malignant, but was the type that could become malignant.  His doctor opted to admit him to the hospital to excise the area where the mole was removed, clean the area out, graft skin from his inner thigh to the area on his hand, and remove all lymph nodes under his arm.  The biopsy came back clear, so my parents breathed a sigh of relief and our lives carried on. 6 months later, my dad noticed a knot on the inside of his elbow. Another biopsy was performed and my parents were given life-altering news.  Dad had cancer.

Over the course of the next 4 years, dad went through countless surgeries and treatments.  During this time, my mom’s insurmountable strength became apparent. Throughout the entire ordeal, she was a steady force that remained by my dad’s side.  She traveled the 2 hour trip back and forth from our town to the facility where dad’s doctor was located countless times for chemo treatments, surgeries, tests, scans, and consultations.  She kept my dad encouraged and on track all while managing our household. She was a rock for our family during a tumultuous season of life.  

My mom’s love for my dad was matchless.  Near the end of his life, it became too difficult for him to sleep in their bed. He found that the couch was far more comfortable and manageable.  Mom didn’t want to be apart from him, so every night for 5 months, she slept on a folding lawn chair lounger padded with blankets next to my terminally ill father.  Dad’s wish was to remain at home until the end. In-home hospice care was at its early stages of development, so that was not an option for our family. The last few weeks of dad’s life were spent comatose in a hospital bed in our family room as mom nursed him until the bitter end.  At 34 years of age, she watched as her best friend and soulmate declined and eventually succumbed to death.  

The entire way through my dad’s fight with melanoma, mom’s faith never wavered. She believed with certainty that God was going to heal dad.  She never doubted for one second that God would choose another path for his life.

Of course, God didn’t heal dad.  Why? He could have. Mom asked that He would.  She believed with everything in her that He would.  Dad was only 37. Mom was 34 years old and was left with 2 children.  So, why did God choose not to heal him? Mom could have gotten bitter and angry and turned her back on God. But, what she taught me next has carried me through many dark days.  

Shortly after Dad’s death, Mom came across Isaiah 55:8-9 which says,

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”  

This verse brought my mom immediate peace.  She accepted that even if she didn’t understand it, God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours.  Mom taught me that perfect faith is accepting God’s will no matter what that may be. It may not make any sense whatsoever.  It may seem cruel and unreasonable. BUT, He knows what is best for you and for me, even if we can’t see it.

Losing dad left a huge void in our lives.  But, over time God began to fill the hole that was left by sending an amazing man to marry my mom.  My “step” dad and I bonded quickly and God used him to heal my heart. He raised me, treated me as his own, and loved me unconditionally which lessened the sting of losing my first dad.  

But, in 2009, one of my worst nightmares came true.  My dad laid down on the floor to take a nap and never woke up.  How could this happen again?

Two days later, I was at my parents’ house and mom got in the shower.  I slipped in the bathroom after she was in because I was worried about her being alone.  She had no idea I was in the bathroom when she began praying a prayer that will stick with me forever.  Through her tears and sobs, she cried, “Lord, thank you for Steve. Thank you that you allowed me to be a part of his life.  Thank you that you blessed us with 24 years of marriage.” This soliloquy continued at a time when I could barely think straight because the grief was so heavy.  Mom had been widowed for the second time, once at 34 and now at 59. Yet, her faith never wavered. Oh, she had rough days. She cried daily for months. She went through one of the darkest times of her life.  But, she grabbed hold of the feet of Jesus and never let go.

Throughout my life, my mom has impacted me more than any other woman on the planet.  She has taught me the most important lesson that she could ever teach me: to love and serve Jesus even when life doesn’t make sense.  Anyone who meets her can plainly see her faith in Christ. The woman is rock solid and can’t be shaken by any circumstance in life. Is she perfect?  No, but she’s perfect for me. Mom made it through being widowed not just once, but twice thanks to God’s grace, mercy, and peace. I’m happy to report that she remarried in 2012 to another incredibly loving man, but that is a story for another post.

I would love to hear the way you have chosen to honor the first life influencer on your list. Go to my FACEBOOK page or comment on this post and fill us in.  I’d love to hear all about the interaction. If you haven’t done so yet, there’s still plenty of time. Remember, don’t wait until they’re gone when it’s too late.

And let’s not forget to live like my mom.  Pray for unshakeable faith. Trust in God’s plan no matter how it unfolds for you.  And share your faith with others the way Mom has with many others. Make sure that you don’t wait!