I have experienced a great deal of loss in my 43 years of life. I lost my dad when I was 7 years old to cancer, my boyfriend of 2.5 years in high school committed suicide, my stepfather died suddenly in 2008, my mother-in-law (whom I was extremely close to) passed away in 2012 just 7 months after being diagnosed with glioblastoma. I could continue with this list, but I’ll stop there. I don’t say any of this for your sympathy as these seasons of life have made me who I am today. Instead, I tell you because I have made an interesting observation during each of these losses.
When a friend or loved one passes away, it’s human nature to begin reminiscing about all of the memories that we have of the person. Beautiful eulogies are written, comforting stories are shared with the family, and accolades are given for a life well-lived. We find comfort in these retrospections. This is part of our grieving process. But, it’s not just family or close friends who come forward to share their fond remembrances. People come out of the woodwork to contribute to this celebration of life.
The saddest part of this is the person that is being applauded will never hear a word that has been spoken. Why do we wait until they’re gone? When my first dad died, my mom said that the funeral home called her to tell her that they had received so many flowers that they had absolutely no more room for another arrangement. While this was comforting for my mom, my dad was never able to see the impact that he had during his short 37 years of life. At my high school boyfriend’s funeral, I remember our church being relatively full. I have wondered if he had known how many people were supporting him, would he have taken his life? At my second dad’s visitation (or wake, depending on which part of the country you live), we stood for 3 hours while a steady stream of friends and family filed through to offer their condolences. His funeral procession was so long that I remember turning around in my seat in the car to see the end of the line but to no avail. All I could think was, “Oh how I wish he could see how many people loved him.”
Both of my dads were Christ-followers, so I know that they both received their greatest rewards when they departed this life. There is nothing that anyone could have said to them on earth that could compare to being in the presence of Jesus. But, in the Book of Proverbs, Solomon reminds us of the life that our words can bring to others as well as to ourselves.
Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
~ Proverbs 16:24
Our words can bring life and healing to others! In my last post, I mentioned looking outside of ourselves, so let me give you the first step that we’ll take to do that.
At this point, you will need a pen and some paper. Think back over your life, as far back as you can. Who are the people that have made a difference in your life? Who has spoken words that brought healing? Who has poured into your life? Who helped shape you into the person you are? Who are the friends that love you simply for who you are? Who has shown you grace during your lifetime? Who has loved you unconditionally? Who has spoken truth into your life when you needed to hear it?
Now, apply these questions to your present life also. Who makes a difference in your life daily, speaks words of healing, pours into your life, helps shape you into the person you are becoming, loves you simply for who you are, shows you grace, loves you unconditionally, and speaks truth into your life?
Write down every name from your past and present. Take the time to really sit and think; someplace quiet is probably best. If your house is noisy, slip away into a quiet room and begin looking over your life. Or wait until your children are asleep. You could even treat yourself to coffee and use a secluded corner in your local coffee shop. Do whatever it takes to work on your list. I’ll give you a few days to finish this task until we take the next step.
I hope you will take the first step in this journey that God has led me on and I continue to walk. Don’t Wait!
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