25 Years of Friendship and Counting

Do you have a friend or friends that you can really confide in?  Someone that you know will not repeat the things that you tell them?  I believe that everyone needs at least one such person. We need someone who will listen, speak into our lives, and pray for us.  God has surrounded me with an amazing group of women that I am blessed to call friends. I can actually look at each one and can tell exactly how God uses her in my life.  Some can call me out when needed because they aren’t afraid to speak truth into my life. Some are problem solvers and can help me figure certain issues out. Some are good listeners and will just let me talk while I process through life.  Some can make me laugh until my sides hurt and forget for a brief period of time that life can be tough. And some support me and pray for me while protecting my innermost thoughts without any judgment. In this post, I am featuring 2 such friends.  Let me give you a little backstory first.

In 1995, my husband of only a year was transferred to a new town in Virginia.  He had completed a two year program with his employer and was sent to a new location as a supervisor at a manufacturing plant.  I loved our new home and was ecstatic to be living in a town where my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived. This was the first time I had ever lived near that side of my family, so I was beyond thrilled.  The move was exciting until about 6 months in when I started to feel really lonely. Every time I’ve ever moved, the 6 month mark is always the hardest. That’s about the time that the excitement of a new place starts to wear off and I begin to need friends.  I’m the type of person that needs at least a few deep relationships in my life. I need girlfriends that I can call and chat with or that I can meet for lunch. I need girls that I can share my life with, bounce ideas off of, and who will support me in prayer when needed.  I began to pray and ask God for a close friend. He answered that prayer in a pretty cool way.

I first met Paula at church and we hit it off instantly.  She was enjoyable and easy to talk to and get to know. She was single, so she had free time in the evenings and weekends to hang out.  We would spend many hours on the phone just talking about whatever came to mind.  

Shortly after meeting Paula, I met Amy.  Amy was a bit more on the quiet and serious side (at least at first), but was also easy to talk to and always seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say.  I actually remember exactly where I was when I met her because she made such a big impression on me. She was married to Tim who got along well with my husband and they were an incredibly fun couple to hang out with. Many of our Friday or Saturday nights (and other nights in between) were spent hanging out and laughing with them along with Paula and her younger brother (he would always come along so that she didn’t feel like the fifth wheel).  By the middle of 1996, I realized that God had answered my prayer for a close friend by not only giving me Paula but by giving me Amy, also.

We were fortunate to attend a church with several other young couples (many who were not yet married but were dating or engaged) and there eventually was a whole core group of us who got close quickly.  We shared many life experiences with them all. Paula met her husband and got married. All of the other couples got engaged and married and soon we were all starting our families. We went to bridal showers, baby showers, Christmas parties, and birthday parties.  We were in a great place in life surrounded by a solid group of friends. In 2001, though, we knew that God was moving us to a new place. We said goodbye to our friends and moved on to our next step in our journey.

Over the years, we have stayed in touch with Paula and Craig, Amy and TIm, and all of our other friends from church.  We try to have a reunion with them every few years and can always pick up right where we left off. My relationship with Paula and Amy, though, has remained much deeper. The three of us have a text thread that is used just about every day.  We know the ins and outs of each other’s lives, from the trivial things in life to the dark, heavy things. These girls have celebrated victories with me and have walked through some extremely hard times with me. Everyone needs a Paula and/or Amy in their life.  Let me share a few things that I have learned from my 25 year friendship with Paula and Amy.

We must be selective in whom we let speak into our lives.  Both Paula’s and Amy’s faith runs deep, so I know that any advice I get from them is sound advice. Sharing our deepest secrets with people who are negative or who will not point us to Truth can be very damaging.  

We must be careful with whom we share the intimate details of our lives.  I know for certain that whatever I tell Paula and Amy will go no further. I can trust them with anything that I tell them.  I do not worry about them gossiping or sharing things I’ve told them with others. I know that many of the things that I tell them will go with them to their grave.  THAT is a true friend.

We need friends who will pray for us.  Prayer definitely changes things. On my rough days, I can send a text to Paula and Amy and I know they will pray for me.  In the matter of no time, I can feel their prayers because God hears us and just wants us to ask for help.

This next point I feel very strongly about.  We must have friends who show grace and not judgement, especially as we share details about our husbands and children.  Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  If I am blabbing my mouth about Earl and my children when I am frustrated with them (and oftentimes I am the one who needs the heart change, not them), they will no longer trust me and I will definitely not be doing them good.  I know that no matter what, Paula and Amy will love Earl and my kids and their view of them will not change. I would advise you, too, to be very choosy in whom you discuss your marriage and children with. Our goal should never be to smear our spouse’s and children’s name in the mud, but instead to seek Godly counsel while protecting their integrity.

Paula and Amy, I am so, so thankful for your friendship.  It’s such a joy to share in the successes and struggles of your lives.  I love watching you both grow and having a sounding board as our children are approaching adulthood.  I look forward to the coming years as we navigate the next phases of life. It gives me peace to know our friendship will last a lifetime. 

Dear readers, this life is hard!   If you already have a friend like Paula and Amy, be sure to tell them how much their friendship means!  Remember, life is short. Don’t Wait!!! Then, head to my FACEBOOK page and tell us about your friend. Or leave a comment on this blog.   We need others to walk alongside us and encourage us, just as God instructs. If you don’t have a close friend(s) that you can trust, God knows exactly who you need.  Pray for Him to send the right person along and whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

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