That’s Enough: When God Speaks

WARNING: SENSITIVE SUBJECT

Have you ever had a time in life when you thought you heard God’s voice?  Perhaps you were in the middle of making a life changing decision and you felt peace about going in a particular direction.  Or maybe you were struggling with a difficult relationship and you came across a scripture that instructed you on how to handle the situation.  God can use many different means in which to speak to us.  Sometimes He may use the Godly wisdom of a friend through a conversation or He may use the lyrics to a song to encourage you. 

One of the most comforting aspects of following Christ is the fact that He sees us, knows what we’re facing, and speaks to us.  He cares about every area of our lives and wants to guide us through each circumstance that we face.  His words offer comfort, correction, guidance, reassurance, instruction, encouragement, and confirmation.  

In my last post found HERE I blogged about my earthly father’s love as well as the love of our Heavenly Father.  I told you about my dad’s extraordinary final days of life, but my life obviously didn’t stop there.  Shortly after he passed away, my mom married a man who raised me and loved me as his own.  To avoid confusion, I will be referring to him as Papa.  I always have referred to him as my dad, but that gets confusing as I have had two dads.  This seems the best way to differentiate between the two.  

Papa and I had an incredibly deep connection.  As adults, we both battled depression and anxiety, so I knew he really understood me.  If I was having a rough day where I couldn’t shut my mind off, I knew he got it.  If he was having a hard time getting started in the morning, I understood.  We talked daily on the phone and I knew that if I needed him at any time of the day, he was going to answer his phone.  There were even times that I would call him while he was in the middle of running a meeting at work and he would still answer.  Once he knew I was ok, he would say, “Honey, I’m in the middle of a meeting.  I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”  He was a constant, steady force in my life.

In July of 2008, I received some of the worst news of my life.  While at a wedding rehearsal where I was to be a bridesmaid the very next day, my husband walked in and with just one look at his face, I knew something was wrong.  As I walked toward him down the aisle, I began to tremble because I strongly sensed a major blow was coming.  Did something happen to one of our kids?  He took my hand and said, “It’s your dad.  He’s dead.”  As I crumbled into his arms, my mind began to race.  I couldn’t even begin to form a complete thought.  This was my worst fear come true.  The only thing that made me feel better about losing my first father was the fact that God had brought Papa into my life.  And now he was gone too.

Within a few minutes, my mind cleared enough to think of my mom.  How was she?  When she answered the phone, I’ll never forget the sheer horror in her voice.  She had been the one to find him and her attempts at CPR were unsuccessful. As she struggled to talk to me,  she was hyperventilating, so I could barely understand her.  I don’t think we had much of a conversation due to the shock that we were both experiencing and the lack of focus that we had.

As Earl drove me home, questions were bombarding my mind.  My children.  Did they know?  DId they realize that their Papa would no longer be able to buy them donuts or send them money when they were saving for a new toy?  Oh, and when was the last time I had talked to him?  Had we spoken at all that week?  Did he know how much I loved him?  I eventually remembered that we had spoken on the phone twice that morning.  He had said that he hadn’t slept well, but he gave no indication that anything at all was wrong.  How could this be?

The news had come late in the day, so we decided to wait until the next morning to make the 10 hour trip to my mom’s.  That night remains a blur.  I couldn’t eat because I was sure I would vomit the minute anything hit my stomach.  I tried to pack for the kids and myself, but my thoughts were all over the place.  I couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t shut off.  My husband and children slept with me in our den that night – I couldn’t bear to be alone.  The heaviness and darkness made the night seem even longer as I laid awake, staring at the ceiling.  I couldn’t wait for the sun to rise so that we could make the long drive to my parent’s home.  

The sun did indeed rise, but my world didn’t brighten.  Everything remained dark and heavy and a constant fog followed me.  We made it safely to my mom’s in record time and I had been warned by my sister-in-law that my parent’s house was swarming with people who wanted to show our family love and support.  She was right.  As we pulled in, the house literally seemed to be crawling with people.  There were friends and loved ones on the porch as well as packed inside the house.  My husband parked in such a way that gave me some time alone with my mom and brothers as we embraced in a tearful hug.  

The remainder of the day was filled with confusion and a flood of tears.  As each family member and friend came and went, my world remained gray and my thoughts swirled in my head.  I was in such a dark place mentally that I had a hard time recalling names of certain people and their relationship to my family.  There was an absolute storm raging in my mind.

But, then Jesus stepped in.  

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  Mark 4:39

That night, I went to bed and attempted to sleep.  The nausea was overwhelming and the emotional pain was unbearable.  I remember getting about 15 minutes of sleep, and the remainder of the night was spent staring at the tv, but hearing nothing that was said.  

When the sun began to peak over the horizon the next day, I sat up on the edge of the bed.  I remember staring at the knob on the dresser wondering if I had the strength to stand up.  And that’s when I began to hear some gentle, calm words in my thoughts.  “That was enough.  That was enough.  That was enough.  That was enough.”  Where was it coming from?  Why were those words playing over and over in my head?  

And then I knew.

You see, the last several years of my dad’s life were spent in agony.  About 7 or 8 years before he passed away, he shared a secret with our family that he had been carrying since he was a young child.  From the ages of 9-13, while he was an altar boy at church, he had been sexually abused by not just one, but several catholic priests.  He attended the church’s school and was called out of class on a regular basis for the local priest’s enjoyment.  And when priests visiting from other churches or towns were in, they would join the sick perversion that Papa had to endure.  

At the time of his death, he was pursuing a court case against the Catholic diocese for the years of abuse that he had endured.  He was working with his attorney on the details of his case and his testimony.  The memories of being victimized were having to be revisited again and again as he was going through extensive therapy.  Nightmares of the abuse occurred multiple times a week.  That was actually the reason that he had not slept well the night before he passed away.  So, after years of mental anguish, God looked down on him as he was napping on the family room floor, showed great mercy, and said, “That’s enough.”

Papa had suffered enough.  No more nightmares.  No more torment.  No more therapy or visits with his attorney.  He was finally able to rest in God’s peace with a sound mind as he went to his heavenly, eternal home.  I had a dream about a year after he died that gave me a glimpse into heaven.  He was standing in the midst of a choir and he looked absolutely flawless.  The cares of the world were no longer showing on his face.  Instead, he had the most peaceful look – the type of look that we have never seen here on earth.  The tension and wrinkles on his face were gone and his complexion was as smooth as silk.  I truly believe that he is in heaven now waiting with my first dad and will welcome me when I finish this race that I am stumbling on.

When I finally realized that the words “That’s enough” were the words that God spoke over my dad just before he stopped his heart, a sense of peace washed over me.  The grief and sadness didn’t disappear, but when God reminded me that every day of my dad’s life was written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16), I was able to feel a small bit of peace.

This reminds me of something that I heard a few years ago while at a small group meeting with our church:

“During a recent conflict in the Middle East, Ron and Joke Jones, who serve with the Christian and Missionary Alliance in Israel, wrote in their prayer letter:

The result of the fighting and killing has left a profound sense of discouragement that hovers over the country. Several times we have come into closer contact with this conflict than our comfort zone allowed.  Yesterday a friend said she was watching a shepherd caring for his flock near the area where guns are fired. Every time the shots rang out, the sheep scattered in fright. The shepherd touched each of them with his staff and spoke calmly to them, and the sheep settled down because they trusted the shepherd. Then another shot sounded, and the same routine happened. Each time, the sheep needed the shepherd to orient them again and to reassure them they were safe.  We are like those sheep. When we are frightened, our Shepherd reaches out and touches us with his staff, speaking words of calm and comfort.” —Greg Asimakoupoulos, Mercer Island, Washington

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” ~ John 10:27

This is exactly what had happened that morning at my parent’s house.  My Shepherd had touched me with His staff and spoken softly to me which calmed me for a bit.  Just like these sheep, other shots were fired at me.  The grief continued, the questions consumed me, bitterness and anger crept in, but it was always the words of God that would reorient me and remind me that He was with me. 

Have YOU ever had a time in life when God spoke to you?  Or do you need to hear from Him now?  He’s there!  He wants to have a relationship with you.  He longs to offer you comfort and desires to be your Shepherd.  Reach out to Him.  Ask him to speak to you and then listen.  He tells us that if we seek Him, we will find Him, so speak to Him today.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!