Time Passed / Time Stolen: Alzheimer’s Awareness Month

But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children. ~ Psalm 103:17 

My grandmother was one of the major influencers in my life. When my first father was battling cancer, she and my grandfather would come for weeks at a time to care for my brother and me while my mom took my dad to various appointments. I would imagine that these years with her made our bond extra tight. Over the following years, I would go and spend weeks at a time with her and would love every second that I was there. I was even fortunate enough to live with my grandparents for 6 months when my husband and I were fairly newly married as we looked for a house to buy. In those 6 months, she taught me how to make curtains, chicken and dumplin’s, and her chocolate eclair cake. We would go shopping together and then she’d treat me to lunch at K&W Cafeteria. The lessons that she taught me I will carry with me to my grave. Her faith in God never wavered and her devotion to her family was like none other. I am thankful for her example and the legacy that she left behind.

I remember the day that I began to realize that there may be something going on with Granny’s memory.  She had driven with me to the park down from her house so my then 2-year-old could play for a bit.  Shortly after arriving, Granny announced, “Kendra, I have to go back home really quickly.  I think I may have left the beans cooking on the stove.”  I told her that they were probably fine, but she insisted.  Solomon and I stayed at the park while she made a quick trip back home to check the stove.  Sure enough, the beans were still cooking.  I don’t know exactly what it was, but I just got the feeling that day that there was something off.

You see, my Granny had always been a ball of energy and was constantly on top of things.  Just two years prior to this while I was pregnant, she would take me to the park to walk around the track and would tell me to “set the pace” because at almost 70 years old she could walk circles around me.  She could cook a meal for 30 people all on her own and would run everyone who offered to help out of the kitchen because she didn’t want, nor did she need, the assistance.  She could move her living room furniture around all on her own without any help because she was as strong as an ox.  She was one tough lady, but something was changing.

In the years that followed, Granny was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease and we watched as she slowly declined.  She went through a severe bout of depression early on which led to personality changes.  She became much more timid and afraid which was so hard to see as this was just NOT “her.”  She went from strong and feisty to fearful and anxious over a period of about 5 years.  I probably noticed the change more than most because I lived 10 hours from her, so my visits were spaced much further out than the majority of her family.  Sometimes seeing someone on a regular basis can cause you not to notice changes since they are gradual and hard to see.  

Granny gradually began to get confused over the names and identity of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  One day she brought tiny newborn outfits to me for my 22-pound one-year-old.  She told me she had gone shopping for him and had bought him some new clothes.  It was so sad when my mom had to tell her that she had actually bought the outfits for my cousin’s baby who had just been born.  Granny’s response was, “Oh, that’s right.”  And then there was the day that she told me that she had invited her parents over for dinner.  She was so excited that they were coming because she hadn’t seen them in a long time.  Even though her parents had actually passed away years before, she had no recollection of it.  She constantly kept clothes packed in the back of their van because she was convinced that every time she left the house, Grandpa was going to take her to visit her parents.  

Eventually, Granny had to be placed in a nursing home.  It took a while to find the right facility that could meet her needs, but one was finally found.  Over the next few years, Granny declined fairly rapidly.  Her physical health was actually pretty good until the very end.  On one particular visit to see her, I found her walking her usual laps around the halls.  I walked toward her and she got a HUGE smile on her face.  She said, “Well, look at this!”  She opened her arms and gave me a big hug.  She then patted my arm and kept walking.  I knew that Granny realized that I was a familiar face, but she had no idea who I was. 

I was eventually able to get her to sit down so I could share a box of Little Debbie Fudge Rounds with her.  She had always kept a drawer full of these treats for us grandchildren through the years, and they were her favorite treat, too.  She couldn’t quite figure out what to do with her Fudge Round at first, but once she got a taste of it, but scarfed it down.  True to her nature, she then shared the rest of them with me and her other grandchildren and great-grandchildren that were visiting her that day.  Though she had changed drastically, little pieces of who she was at heart would still shine through.  

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Her final months were tremendously hard to watch as Granny’s mind declined rapidly. She could no longer do basic tasks that to most are simple, and she forgot what many common objects were used for.  I once saw her use the salt packet on her tray to scoop up mashed potatoes instead of using a spoon.  When she had a lid in her hand from one of the items on her tray, she couldn’t figure out which container the lid would fit on.  She would try to put square lids on round bowls for example.  She could no longer communicate clearly and the majority of her words sounded like a toddler jabbering.  The only person she remembered until the very end was my grandfather.  She never forgot that his name was Poik which was one of the few words that she could say clearly.  My sweet grandfather visited her faithfully 2 times a day and would feed her meals to her and would sit and just hold her hand.  These are hard memories to recollect, but this is the nature of Alzheimer’s.

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The last time I visited Granny, I found her sitting all alone in one of the nursing home common areas.  The next 10 minutes that unfolded was one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me.  I walked over to her and bent down next to her chair.  Since she was no longer able to speak intelligible words, she began to jabber away telling me the sweetest story I’ve ever heard.  Her gaze was locked into mine and she smiled while her story went on for a few minutes.  She’d laugh, so I’d laugh with her, though I hadn’t the faintest idea what she was saying.  Once her narrative was complete, she sat quietly for a few seconds studying my face.  She reached over and touched my eye with her finger.  She gently traced the circumference, then moved down to my nose. After tracing my nose, she slowly made a circle around my lips.  She then clenched her teeth together and smiled to encourage me to mirror her.  When I smiled back, she checked my teeth to make sure I had brushed them, then she gave me a little hug.  My husband stood by during the entire exchange and took pictures that I will treasure forever.

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Little did I know that those precious minutes with Granny would be my last here on earth.  Two weeks later she was sitting in the same room where I had spent my final time with her when suddenly she yelled out.  The nurse looked over to find Granny had passed away.  When I got the call, all I could think was how thankful I was to have had those last minutes with her.  Though the duration of the visit was short, I felt as though she crammed a lifetime of love in.  She had taken care of me during some of the roughest seasons of my life and then during what was her roughest season, she continued to demonstrate love.  I have no idea why she was all alone that day in a normally busy room.  I don’t know where all of the other residents were.  I believe, though, that God orchestrated the day and blessed me with these final moments.

This was another reminder about how quickly life can end.  We shouldn’t put off spending time with our loved ones.  If your grandparents are still living, spend time with them!  Call them on the phone, send them a card, go visit them and take them out to lunch.  And while you’re at it, make sure you tell them how thankful you are for their influence in your life.  It may be your last time.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!