Below is the eulogy I gave at Kim’s funeral. It well surpassed the 6-7 minutes that a eulogy should be, but how do you summarize the life of an influential person whose friendship changed your life forever in just a few minutes? I did my best to cut it back, but 15 minutes was the best I could do. For more on Kim’s story, click HERE and HERE.

When Kim asked me to speak at her service back in early Feb, I asked her what the main thing was that she wanted me to communicate to you today. Any of you who know her sense of humor won’t be surprised that her first response was, “I’m not going to be there, so I don’t care what you say.”  She flashed her usual big cheesy grin and I said, “Well, is there anything you really want people to know?”  Her response was, “When I’m gone, I want people to look at my story and see miracle after miracle after miracle that happened and not look at it as a tragedy.  And I want people to know that God is good.”  So, this morning I’m going to try my best to accomplish what she asked me to do.  

2 people have recently used the word “sister” when referring to my relationship with Kim.  After thinking it through, I think that is probably the best way to describe our friendship.  Kris, Renee, and Mehgan, this in no way takes away from the 3 of you as Kim’s sisters.  She loved all 3 of you so, so much.  When I think about the word sister, I think of someone who will love you no matter what.  Someone who will stand by you when you’re lovable as well as when you’re unlovable.  Someone who will not turn their back on you even when they don’t agree with the way you handle things.  Someone who wants to be around you on the days that you’re fun to be around as well as the days when you’re not so fun.  Sisters just stick together and there’s nothing that can tear them apart.  

Kim and I had this connection that is hard to find.  For some reason, she could always tell when I was a bit off.  On more than one occasion, she asked how I was and when I gave my obligatory, “I’m fine.  How are you?” she would say, “No you’re not.  There’s something wrong.”   And she was always right.  Then there were the days when I would  “randomly” send her a text asking how I could pray for her that day.  She would almost always reply, “How do you always know when I’m having a bad day?”  There was a connection there that I am convinced was God-given.

Before going any further, I have to share a funny story about Kim.  Her diagnosis in 2015 was a huge blow to me, as I know it was to many of you.  My heart ached for Kim and her family and I felt so helpless and lost at how to help.  I wanted to do something extra special, but I was at a loss as to what that could be. Now, for those of you who may not have been in Kim’s life yet during that time, you may not know that her story quickly went viral.  Melissa Holmes did a beautiful story on WGRZ and the story was picked up by Yahoo News, the Today Show’s website, cbsnews.com, the National Post, Us Weekly’s website, fox news, people.com, and many others including news stations around the country.  People were blown away by this amazing story of a pregnant mother of 5 who had recently adopted 3 sisters, been diagnosed with cancer 3 days later, and was refusing treatment in order to protect the life of her unborn baby.  As a result of all of the media attention, the Go Fund Me that Jenna Koch had begun was picking up and thousands of dollars began pouring in.  Every single item on Kim’s Target baby registry was purchased and gifts began arriving from all over the country.  In the meantime, I was desperately trying to find a tangible way to help her when she asked me one day to order thank you notes for her from Snapfish.  She needed a way to thank all of the people who were supporting her, but she was too sick to order the cards herself.

I knew that this was it!  This is how I could help.  I could order the thank you notes for her and pay for them.  When they arrived in the mail a few weeks later, she asked me how much she owed me.  I told her they were free and that she owed nothing.  She began to argue and told me that she was absolutely going to pay for the cards, but I refused to tell her how much they cost.  She put her sister, Kris, up to asking me how much they were and I fell for it.  I divulged the cost of the cards and thus began a war between Kim and myself.  She was determined to give me the $200 for the thank you cards and I was equally as determined NOT to accept it.  So, she’d drop it in my purse, and I’d leave it on her counter.  She’d put it in my coat pocket, and I’d hide it in her van.  This went back and forth for several days until one day she said, “Do you remember that you told me once that you never wanted a dog?”  I said, “Yes, I didn’t grow up with one and now as an adult, I just don’t want the responsibility.”  She said, “Well if you don’t let me give you this money, I’m going to buy you a puppy and put it in your backyard.”  I laughed, told her she’d never do that, and went on about my business.

A few days later, I pulled into my driveway and on my side porch there were 2 HUGE Amazon boxes.  I got out of my van, carried the boxes into our garage, and called my husband to see what he had ordered.  He had no clue what I was talking about, so I cautiously began opening these boxes.  Well, in the first box I found a big bag of dog food, a pooper scooper, and some dog treats.  In the second box was a water bowl for a dog and a huge plastic container for the dog food.  I picked up my phone, called her, and when she answered I said, “Are you kidding me???”  She said, “What?!”  I said, “I got a delivery today from Amazon.”  She cracked up and said, “I told you I’d get the money back to you.”  

The thing was, I ultimately won that battle.  Jenna Koch was in the throes of planning Kim’s Euchre tournament fundraiser and was looking for baskets for the basket raffle.  So, I went to Target, bought a dog bed, put all of the dog items together, wrapped it in shrink wrap, and dropped it off as a big ticket item so that the money would go straight back to Kim.  This story is just one of many examples of Kim’s sense of humor.

Now, there are 2 things that I learned from Kim’s life that challenged me and I would love to pass these on to you today.  First, was Kim’s faith.  During the 5+ years that she was sick, she lived her faith out for all of us to see.  I never once saw her faith in Jesus even partially waver.  Yes, she had bad days, but she always completely trusted God with her life.  This became even more evident when she decided to stop treatment.  She told me that she was ready to completely turn her life over to the Lord and let Him do whatever He wanted to do.  This spoke volumes to me.  It made me wonder if I live the way Kim did.  Do I really, really trust God with my life?  Do I have peace knowing that I can trust Him to know what is best for my life, even when I can’t see it?  And how about you?  Do you trust Jesus that much?  Do you have complete peace knowing that this world is not your final destination?  If not, you can have the same assurance that Kim had.  Jesus is there and desires a relationship with you.

The second thing that always struck me was Kim’s love for God’s Word.  We both enjoyed getting together to share what we were learning in our own personal study time.   We would discuss new discoveries we had made, the meaning of verses, the Greek and Hebrew meanings of words, and most importantly we’d excitedly share when we would see God’s promises come to fruition.  A few months ago I stopped by on a Saturday to see her and when I walked in, I could see that she was deeply troubled.  She began to weep and said, “I’m losing the vision in my left eye.  I’m pretty much completely blind in that eye now.”  We had known that was coming, so I thought maybe the reality was finally hitting her.   I assumed that was where the conversation was going to end.  I mean, who wouldn’t be upset over losing their sight?  But, that wasn’t where things ended.  She continued. “Since my vision is nearly gone in my left eye and is getting weaker in my right, I can no longer read my Bible.  Kendra, I miss it.  I miss waking up to a quiet house at 4 in the morning, turning my light on, and digging deep to learn more about Jesus.  I love studying the Hebrew and Greek meanings of words and communing deeply with God.  I’m going to meet Him soon!  I want to know all that I can about Him.”  She told me that she had tried listening to an audio version on her Bible app, but she found the voice of the narrator to be very boring and monotonous.  So, I helped her install another app on her phone that had a dramatized audio version of the Bible.  As soon as she hit play and heard the excitement in the narrator’s voice, she leaned her head back on her chair, closed her eyes, smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen, sat quietly, and listened.  I could see nothing but pure joy on her face.  I could visibly see how much she had missed her time with Jesus and just how sweet the reunion was.  Psalm 119:159 says, “Consider how I love Your precepts; Revive me, O Lord, according to Your lovingkindness.”  I watched as that verse came to life that evening.  I saw as Kim delighted in God’s Word and then saw as Jesus revived her and turned her weeping into pure peace and joy.  

So, here is my next question.  If you believe in Jesus Christ, do you really, really love His word?  Do you read it daily to receive the peace and joy that only He could give?  If you lost your eyesight, would you miss being able to spend time reading your Bible more than anything else?  I know this has personally challenged me and made me look at my daily time with Jesus in a new light.

And now, Phil.  I know that you know just how much Kim loved you.  The fact that she wanted you right by her side, even holding her hand as she slept, during some of her last days is a testament to how safe she felt with you.  You were her rock and you can always rest in the fact that you loved and cared for her well.  The day that she told me about the casket she had chosen left a major impact on me.  She told me that she walked into the room and the first one she saw was the one that she knew she wanted.  The wood finish reminded her of all of the amazing furniture you made for her over the years.  Being buried in a wooden casket reminded her of being eternally wrapped in your love.  She asked me on several occasions if I thought you would be ok once she was gone.  I assured her that you would be and told her that our journey with you would continue even after she was gone.  I promised her that Earl and I as long as many others would continue to walk with you.  And I can guarantee you that we will.

Last, but not least, Ryan, Hailey, Kamila, Josie, Chalie, and Wyatt:  Your mom loved you so, so much.  She told me back in November that if there was a cure for gliosarcoma/glioblastoma, she absolutely would have kept fighting for you guys even if it took another 5+ years.  But, there’s no cure and she was tired. Unfortunately, on April 24, you joined a club that I was forced to join back in 1983.  “The Children who lose a parent to cancer club” is one that no one should ever have to join.  I know from my own experience as well as from watching you guys over the last several years that you have experienced things that many adults have never had to experience.  Watching a parent decline due to a disease such as cancer is a grueling process.  Add to that foster care for you, Kamila, Josie, and Chalie, and opening your home to 3 new sisters, Ryan, and Hailey, and no one could ever deny that your life has been tough.  But, I can stand up here today and PROMISE you that GOD IS STILL GOOD.  It may not look like it right now.  You may be angry, frustrated, resentful, or bitter.  You may even wonder if He is really even there and that is absolutely OK.  Tell Him how you feel.  He wants to hear from you.  Write in a journal, pray, talk to a friend, teacher, or another adult.  Then, over time God will begin to heal your heart. I pray that you will recognize all of the miracles in your story just as your mom hoped we all could do.  The many friends and families that have come into your lives, all of the extra years that God gave you with your mom, the sweet little brother that was born who is your constant comic relief.  God’s fingerprints are everywhere you turn if you’ll just look closely.  

I promise you that He will take all of the ashes that are currently laying all around you and will turn them into something beautiful.  You guys now have the experience to reach out to others that many others could never help.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that God comforts us so that we can comfort others with the same comfort He has given us.  If I had never lost my dad to cancer when I was 7 years old, I would have never been able to relate to where you all are.  But, God took MY ashes, made them into something beautiful, and wove my story into yours.  And now, He will do the same for you.  All 6 of you have the capability to use your lives to do big things for God.  I pray that you will allow Him to use you. 

Thank you all for allowing me to speak about my friend.  I will miss her dearly as I know you all will, too, but I look forward to the day when I will see her again face to face.

Don’t Wait to hold on tight to your loved ones, friends, because one day they will no longer be here.