A Prayer of Thanks on My Son’s 21st Birthday

21 years ago today you gave me one of the greatest gifts you could have possibly given me – I had my first child and became a mom.  As you know, my journey into motherhood was not an easy one.  Even though I knew you, I had yet to realize that my worth was in you.  Instead, it was wrapped up in the need to be perfect.  I was more worried about controlling every detail of my existence and how my life looked rather than letting you be in charge.  So, I stayed on edge making sure everything was perfect.  I strived to be the model mom and spent crazy amounts of time making sure everything was flawless for Solomon. He was bathed nightly and slathered in baby lotion (I had to make sure he smelled good).  His clothes were washed in Dreft and Downy, matched perfectly, and could have absolutely no stains.  He had to be seen as a “good baby,” so I did all I could to make him happy.  I felt proud when people asked if he ever cried since he was always so content, and my self-worth was boosted when people were impressed with how well he listened as he got older.  Being my first, I was pretty hard on him because I had this vision of how I wanted him to behave (typical of a first-time parent, I know).  My perfectionism bled into every area of mothering.  I put up a facade so that I appeared to have it all together, but I was falling apart on the inside. 

A few months into motherhood, I began to crash.  I began to have off the wall, irrational fears and panic attacks consumed me. I had chronic pain in my side from constantly staying so uptight and I seriously thought I was dying of cancer.  I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and could barely function.  My body began to react to the incredible amount of stress I had placed on myself.  Yet, true to your word, you used every bit of the ashes of my life and worked it for my good.  At the time, you felt a million miles away.  My prayers and cries for help felt like they left my lips and went absolutely nowhere. But, even in spite of myself and my flaws, you gave me a son that has turned into an amazing young man.  You took my perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, and all-consuming fears and turned them into something beautiful.  How is it that such an amazing human can come from a fragile shell of a woman even with my sinfulness and weaknesses?  He isn’t perfect, but I’m amazed by him when I think back over the last 21 years. Lord, I pray that our story shared through this prayer will help other parents see that your hand is on our children, even in our humanness and with our frailties.  

I am grateful that even though I hit such an insanely low point in my life at the beginning of my motherhood journey, you blessed me with a husband who stuck with me.  He has been so much fun to parent with and he is a joy to make decisions with as we parent our children. Thank you that we balance each other out perfectly and that when I’m fearful, he can teach them to be brave and that when he is too brave (like allowing them to try crazy stunts), I can reign him in.  There is no one I’d rather have as the father of my children.

I am thankful that even though I can be lazy at times, you gave us a son that is an insanely diligent worker.  You wired him to work hard from the time he was tiny.  Bear with me as I take a walk down Memory Lane.  At the age of 18 months, his favorite activity was vacuuming.  He would ask for the “dat-tu,” so we eventually bought him a toy one of his own.  When we sold our first house and cleaned it for the final time, he vacuumed more of the house than I did (he was only almost 2).  When we arrived at our new home a few hours later with the moving truck full of our furniture, he carried just as many items as the men did into our house.  It was that day that I realized how driven he was.  From the age of 4, he would push the lawnmower with his dad and help cut the lawn.  Earl would give him sunglasses to protect his eyes and put Solomon in front of him.  He would hold onto the lowest bar while his dad would patiently push mow the yard as Solomon helped for the duration of the time.  When he was around the age of 8, we had a face cord and a half of wood delivered in preparation for the coming winter.  He told me that afternoon that he was going to go out and start stacking it and in no time he had stacked every piece.  By the age of 10, he was completely cutting the yard on his own and loved every minute of it.  Around the same age, he started dabbling in making videos, and over the course of the next few years, I watched as he grew a YouTube channel from the ground up.  He worked for hours a day figuring out what kind of content people enjoy, how to edit the videos, the best time of day to upload them, how to make money, and so on.  By the age of 15, he had a very successful channel with 33,000 subscribers and was bringing in money monthly.  When he told me at 16 that he was ready to let YouTube go and get a real job, my heart sank.  Was he prepared for that?  He had been homeschooled his entire life.  Had I done all I could to prepare him to hold down a job?  And then you gently reminded me that preparing him was not MY job.  It was yours.  Sure enough, he landed the first job he applied for.  On the day I drove him to his interview, I was more nervous than he was.  His response to me was, “Mom, why are you nervous?  If this job is God’s will for my life, they’ll hire me.  If not, there’s something better for me.”  He was hired on the spot.  During the 4.5 years he worked there, I was told countless times by many different managers that he was one of the hardest workers they had.  I pray that the work ethic you’ve blessed him with will always support him and his future wife and children and that whatever he does he will do it with all of his heart as though he’s working for you and not man (Colossians 3:23).

• 

• 

• 

Thank you that even though I do not always set a Christlike example, you have made yourself real to him.  When he accepted you at the age of 8, I could tell that he truly understood the decision he was making.  We had stopped at church that day and decided to sneak quickly into the back of a room where a youth rally was ending.  The plan of salvation was laid out and we didn’t realize how intently he was listening.  When the teens were asked who had invited Christ into their life, we were shocked when Solomon raised his hand.  When he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face, I knew he fully understood who you are and the gift you had given him.  As the years went on and his childhood years turned to teenage years, he began to struggle with his faith.  We encouraged him to ask all of the questions he needed to and do all the research necessary.  He can’t make it to heaven on our coattails, so he had to know why he believed what he believed.  Without this crucial step in his faith journey, he would be eaten up by the world.  We had to trust that you would once again show yourself to him.  On Christmas evening when he was sixteen, he was literally within minutes of completely renouncing his faith because there were so many things he just could not understand about you.  True to who you are,  you came down and met him in our basement and made yourself known to him in a way that none of our family could ever deny.  When we seek you, we find you (Luke 11:9). Thank you that he has never looked back.

Thank you that even though I can be very selfish and inward-focused, you have given him a heart for people.  When he sees a homeless person out on the street, he always passes them a few bucks.  He develops relationships with these people and knows the details of their lives, though most (including myself, ashamedly) will walk right past them.  He checks on them when he sees them and always shares the truth about you.  He keeps a few bibles in his glove compartment and passes your word on when given the chance.  And he somehow does all of this with grace and in a way that isn’t pushy.  He simply develops a relationship and loves the way you do.  Last year he was waiting for some scary test results to come in.  His grandfather (my father) died at the age of 37 from melanoma, so when a suspicious mole was found on Solomon’s foot, it was a bit worrisome for all of us.  After a day of fear, he came to me and said, “Mom, I’m not going to live in fear.  Instead, I’m going to reach out to other people and focus on them instead of myself.”  He then invited our elderly neighbor over for dinner and cooked the entire meal himself.  How could someone so young have so much wisdom?  The answer is you.  

Even though I have not always been the greatest example of a guide as his mom, thank you that Solomon is a natural-born leader.  Raising a leader is not always easy.  They typically have strong opinions and extreme determination.  Allowing a child who is a leader to develop these skills while also teaching them to respect authority can be tricky at times. Yet you were always faithful in giving us wisdom as we fostered leadership skills.  Thank you for every creative idea you’ve planted in his mind, for every shelf he built, every instrument he made, and every plan he carried through.  He came to me sometime around his 11th birthday with an idea that he wanted to carry out.  Memorial Day was about a week away and he wanted to organize a neighborhood Memorial Day celebration.  His plan was to have as many neighbors as possible to display an American flag as a way to show their thanks to those who gave their lives for our freedom. As his idea came together, he gave me his supply list.  He then drafted a flier for the neighbors and made a sign for our front yard.  All I could think while his siblings and I walked with him as he went door-to-door passing out fliers and asking neighbors to join his cause was, “Thank you, Lord, for this kid who wants to honor fallen Americans, even at only 11 years of age.”

• 

• 

• 

• 

Although I fail miserably at always showing kindness and love, thank you that he has still become an amazing big brother.  He wasn’t super crazy about the idea of having a younger sibling initially.  “I don’t want to be a big brother!  I want to stay Solomon!” he told us when we asked if he wanted a “Big Brother” t-shirt.  We realized that he was afraid his identity would change, so we offered to have an “I Love My Baby Sister” shirt made instead.  He agreed that it was a good idea.  He quickly grew into his role and has adored each and every sibling.  He has always been a protector and has loved spending time with his 2 sisters and brother.  As he’s grown older, his influence in their lives has grown also.  His walks with them to 7-11 for a Slurpee have turned into drives to Tim Horton’s for a soda and walks around Canalside.  He is also intentional about spending time with each one individually.  Movies, concerts, shows, and road trips make each sister and brother feel special and valued.  “I want to spend time with each one because I know one day I will be on my own,” he has told me.  The memories he has made with each one are pretty amazing.  This is all you, Lord.  Thank you for the relationship he has with each sibling.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Though I make foolish decisions at times, thank you that Solomon is wise.  When he was first born, I began praying that he would have wisdom.  I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help him to grasp spiritual things that most others can’t. I told Solomon a few years ago that I’m not even sure where that prayer came from.  His response was, “Mom, the Holy Spirit helps us to pray.  So, that must have been the prayer for me that He wanted you to pray.”  See what I mean?  Such wisdom that comes from you.

Thank you that even though I have not always been faithful to you, he still runs hard after you.  I am grateful that he recognizes his need for you.  That he studies and knows your Word.  That he prays through each decision that he has to make and that he trusts you even when things are uncertain.  I pray that following after you would always be his number one desire because that is all that matters in this world.  His social status, career path, type of car he drives, and size of house he lives in means nothing.  All that matters is his relationship with you.

I will forever be thankful for all of the people who have poured into Solomon’s life to help shape him into the man he is becoming.  Brian and Amy Parker spent hours upon hours teaching him about you from approximately the ages of 6 to 13.  They sacrificed their time for a group of boys to impart their spiritual wisdom into their lives.  I know that they played a HUGE role in the spiritual foundation that was laid when Solomon was a child.  Thank you for Andy Toukatley who was Solomon’s middle school small group leader.  He showed him that even young, cool people should follow you and that being a believer can be fun.  Thank you for Orin Helfrich who was his small group leader in high school and to this day continues to meet with the guys in the group on occasion.  Thank you for Corey Coogan who has been a great example to Solomon in the last 2-3 years.  He has given him opportunities to lead and has taught him how to be a great leader.  He has given Solomon freedom to learn even if mistakes are made.  I will forever be grateful for these friends who have loved my boy.

And now, Jesus, as he is getting older and the dynamic of our relationship is changing, please Don’t Wait to give me wisdom.  Show me when to speak and when to just pray for him as he navigates his life.  I pray that our relationship will always be close, but that it will be easy to step aside when he meets his future wife.  I’ve witnessed too many mothers and daughters-in-law who struggle because mom is overbearing.  Guide my words.  Guide my actions.  And bring that special girl into his life when the time is right.  Thank you for blessing his faithfulness with his new job.  We know that it is a gift from you.  As he prepares to move out in a few months, keep him safe.  I pray that he always knows that our house is his house and the door is always open.