Don't Wait

We are a vanishing mist.

Category: Parenting

What Didn’t Kill Her Made Her Stronger

November 26, 2020 /

Thanksgiving 2020.  What a year this has been.  I can’t think of one person that hasn’t had somewhat of a rough year.  And not just because of Covid.  It seems like there has been so much loss, families that have split, adult children who have turned their backs on their parents, friends who don’t see eye to eye politically causing a major rift in their relationship, friends and family suffering from cancer…the list goes on and on.  But, I think we can all still think of many, many things that we are thankful for.  For me, it’s the fact that one of my absolute greatest blessings in life is with us today to celebrate her birthday.

The day before her accident

On July 4th of this year, my oldest daughter had a pretty serious accident while we were in Tennessee visiting my mom and stepdad.  During a family walk following our Independence Day cookout, she grabbed a scooter on a whim from her younger brother and decided to take a ride down a mountain road in my parent’s neighborhood.  Now, this was no special scooter.  It wasn’t motorized and didn’t have a brake.  Instead, it was a simple 4-wheeled kick scooter with a deck to stand on and a T-shaped bar, similar to a “Razor” scooter.  Let me add, also, that Daelyn is not usually a risk taker.  She is a competitive dancer, so she is typically super cautious.  She often sits out on any activity that could cause an injury because she doesn’t want to miss any part of the dance season.  But, on this particular day, she threw caution to the wind and decided to have a little fun.  Vacation has a way of making us carefree.

As she began descending down the hill, having the time of her life, she gained speed much faster than any of us would have thought.  She was soon traveling much too quickly toward a main road where the speed limit was 55 mph.  Unfortunately, her only option was to jump off of the scooter in order to avoid traveling out into fast-moving traffic.  My husband estimates she was going about 25-30 miles per hour when she jumped, so her landing was anything but graceful.  Her face took the brunt of the fall on a curb, leaving her with 3 broken teeth, major road rash on her face, and lots of other scrapes and bruises on her arms and legs.  Her daddy saw the accident up close because he had begun running to help her.  For days after the accident, he couldn’t get the image out of his head because he said when she hit, he thought there was absolutely no way she’d be able to stand back up. But, miraculously, she immediately did.  And my girl was even laughing.

God sent an angel in the form of a man named Jody to assist us.  He lived in a trailer across the street from where Daelyn’s accident occurred and came running out as soon as he heard her hit.  It still makes me cringe when I think that he HEARD the force of the hit from inside of his trailer.  Jody was a former EMT and knew exactly what steps needed to take place in order to get Dae the help that she needed.  He asked her several questions to make sure she was still alert and aware of her surroundings, which she passed with flying colors.  He then gave us directions to the nearest hospital and sent us on our way.  Thank you, Lord, for Jody.

On our 30 minute drive to the ER, I asked Daelyn where she was emotionally with things.  She looked me square in the eye and said, “Mom, God allowed this to happen for some reason.  I’m not sure what that reason is, but I am ok with it.  He must be trying to teach me something.”  All I could do at that point was stand in awe of God and the peace that only HE can offer.  Thank you, Lord, for your peace.

Drive to the hospital

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. ~ Isaiah 26:3

The miracles continued throughout the evening.  In the ER, Daelyn was seen by a Nurse Practitioner named Michelle who immediately ordered a CT scan of her head, neck, and face because she said there were likely multiple fractures that would be found.  An x-ray was also ordered of her wrist because when she hit, Daelyn tried to catch herself with her hand, so it was causing her quite a bit of pain.  Michelle began talking about the likelihood of having to send us to the University of Tennessee Medical Center because her injuries appeared extensive.  Through this entire process, the Lord was with us.  I can’t explain the peace that was felt in the hospital room.  Daelyn remained steady, as usual, and was even cracking jokes.  “Well, I knew I could either get hit by a car and die; or I could jump, so I picked the best option,” she said to every nurse and doctor that walked in.  Each person that entered was amazed at the peacefulness that Daelyn was feeling.  Thank you, Lord, for your presence.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? ~ Psalm 139:7

Getting her “facial”

When the CT was read, Michelle literally came BUSTING through the door and said, “I can’t explain it, but there are absolutely no fractures anywhere.  I am in absolute shock.  You are a very lucky girl.”  All I could say was, “I pray for God’s protection over my children every single morning, so I believe He is the one who protected Daelyn today.”  Michelle responded with, “I absolutely believe that is true.”  Thank you, Lord, for your protection.

Waiting for CT scan

I knew my daughter was tough, but I didn’t realize just how tough.  While her wounds were being cleaned in the ER with a soft brush and sponge just hours after injuring herself, she never flinched.  She actually joked at one point and told me that the nurse was giving her a facial.  The following days held dentist appointments, oral surgery where she had a tooth pulled, antibiotics, lots of pain, and consistent wound care.  It would have been totally acceptable for her to have a pity party for herself.  Think about it.  You’re age 17, on vacation with your family, and while out having fun you break 3 teeth and scrape up your face and body.  Appearances are important to 17-year-old girls.  But, besides one quick breakdown after returning from the ER that night, she muscled through everything that came her way.  Thank you, Lord, for your strength.  

Lots and lots of dental work

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~ Psalm 46:1

In the days and months that have followed, Daelyn’s faith has never wavered.  She has held fast to the fact that God is good, even when trials arise.  As we were reminiscing this morning, she told me that the minute she stood up after jumping off the scooter, she knew that God was with her because she felt His peace instead of panic.  She also mentioned that she has learned to be confident in who God created her to be and to love herself even though she is missing a tooth (when she isn’t wearing her flipper) and has constant redness on her face (mainly after strenuous exercise such as dancing).  When asked if she would want to go back and do things over again, she says she absolutely wouldn’t change a thing.  She has told me that scars are a sign that you’ve lived and had fun.  Thank you, Lord, for this healthy perspective.

Post accident

Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. ~ Colossians 3:2

Today, Thanksgiving Day 2020, the 26th day of November, is my girl’s EIGHTEENTH birthday.  I can’t even begin to explain to you how incredibly thankful I am that she is here with us to celebrate.  Things could have turned out so differently.  Her injuries could have been much worse.  She could have sunk into a state of depression.  Or she could have simply not been here with us this year.  But, that’s not the case.  Because of God’s protection, peace, comfort, and strength, Daelyn is healed and whole.  Her teeth have been fixed, her wounds have healed, and she is left with just a few minor scars, which serve as reminders of just how good our God is.  Thank you, Lord, for your healing power.

How about you? What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? During years like this, you may find it difficult to see anything good around you. But, it’s there, I promise. Thank Him for family, friends, life, salvation, your warm house, running water. Take the time to look and reflect on all that God has blessed you with. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

Our Children Were Created For Such a Time as This

October 30, 2020 /

As parents living in this world that we are presently in, it is easy to be overtaken by fear.  Sin and depravity abound in our culture and it’s frightening to think what our children will face in the future.  Will they be able to worship God as they please or will they suffer persecution?  Will the darkness and sinful ideals of our culture overtake them?  Will they be able to stand up for truth or will they be squelched?  What exactly is the world going to look like when they are raising families of their own?

I was discussing these questions with a few friends recently and sharing with them how easy it is to let fear begin to creep in.  One of them reminded me of something that I have been holding onto ever since.  She said something like, “We have to remember that God chose our children to live in these times that we are now facing.”  First, let me point out how important it is to surround ourselves with like-minded friends.  They keep us grounded and pull us back in when our thinking gets out of whack.  Second, think about what she said.  Our children were CHOSEN to live in this period of time!  These times that we are living in are no surprise to God. So, we must never doubt that He will equip them and give them all that they need.  We cannot take our responsibility of training them lightly.

It is imperative that we pray over our children daily and using scripture as a guideline is the most powerful way to petition our Lord on their behalf.  In THIS POST I wrote about the benefits of praying Psalm 91 over our families.  I still pray this entire chapter several times a week as a request for spiritual protection over my husband and children.  I recently stumbled upon Romans 12 (which we know “stumbled” means the Holy Spirit led me to it) which I have found to be another great chapter to pray over my children.  I encourage you to take the time to read through this passage and ask God to give your children the strength to live as Paul encouraged the Christian churches in Rome to live.

Our prayers for our children should not merely be that they simply make it through life unscathed.  As Christians, our goal should not be to sit in our Christian bubble while silently serving God, so as not to draw any attention to ourselves.  On the contrary, we should pray that our children are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37); that they go into the world and preach the gospel to their friends, families, coworkers, and neighbors, (Mark 16:15); and that they go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28:19).  

God keeps reminding me that we are living in an age where our children have to be spiritually strong.  Our freedoms are slowly being taken away and unless something changes, their generation will have to stand up for their faith more so than any of us in America have had to at this point.  They will need to be a light in the darkness and an example to those around them of the hope that comes only from Jesus.  As parents, this may be intimidating to think about as we do not know what opposition our children will encounter, but there are several promises that we need to keep in mind.

  1.  God put our children here.  Their lives did not come to be through happenstance.  “For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.”  (Psalm 139:13, 15).  The Creator of the universe not only intricately designed our children, but He also placed them here fully aware of what they would face in their lifetimes.
  1. God has a purpose for them.  “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  (Psalm 139:16)  God not only created our children in the depths of our womb, he also ordained their days.  Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  I don’t know about you, but knowing that God has work prepared for my children to do brings me great peace.
  1. God will equip them.  When we teach our children God’s Word and encourage them to use the Bible as their main source for wisdom, they will be fully prepared for anything that comes their way.  “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  The scriptures will strengthen them and provide them with everything that they need.
  1. God will be with them:  “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:19-20  We never have to worry about our children being alone as long as they are walking with Jesus.  He will be with them, guiding them and leading them in all of their ways. 
  1. God will give them wisdom:  “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5  In any situation in life, our children will simply have to ask God for wisdom and He will give it to them.  

I can guarantee you that life will not be easy for our children, just as it is not for us.  Being a Christian does not make us exempt from heartache and pain.  But, we can have complete peace knowing that our children were created by God and he has ordained their days.  Don’t live in fear!  Teach your children that no matter how tough life is, God has put them here, has a purpose for their lives, will equip them, will be with them, and will give them wisdom if they just ask.  Remind them that the reward that they will have waiting if they stay connected to The Vine will be worth whatever hardship and persecution that they may face.  Tell Jesus that you need Him to guide YOU in this process because apart from Him, we can do NOTHING. (John 15:5).  Trust the Lord today with your children’s lives and futures.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!

How Did We Get Here So Fast?

October 9, 2020 /

In August, our family went through a drastic change.  It was a change that we knew would one day come, but I don’t know how we got there so fast.   After living under our roof for 21 years, our oldest child moved out.  Having recently landed a full-time job at a local radio station as a production and technology coordinator, he decided it was time to branch out on his own.  

I don’t think there’s anything that can prepare a momma’s heart for such news.  I knew it was coming because the Lord had been preparing my heart.  This is what we raise our children to do, right?  They’re supposed to become responsible adults who can support themselves and be contributing members of society.  They’re intended to grow up, get full-time jobs, and move out on their own.  But, that doesn’t make it any easier.  

Here’s how it all came to be.  Back in February, I got a text from Solomon that said he needed to talk to his dad and me that night when he got off of work.  I immediately knew the exact reason that he wanted to chat with us.  “So, when are you moving out?” I quickly wrote back.  He ignored my text and went onto another subject.  I couldn’t let it go.  My mind began to race and I knew there was no way I could wait until that evening to hear what he had to say.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I asked again.  “You ignored my question.  When are you moving out?”  My phone rang right away and he asked, laughing, “How do you always figure these things out?”  I reminded him that there’s not much that can be pulled over on a mother.

Later that afternoon, I was walking through Target and passed a lady who was walking with her preschool-age son.  I immediately went back in my mind to the days before our 2nd child was born when it was just me and Solomon running errands together while my husband worked.  Instantly I saw his chubby little face and rosy cheeks as he walked beside me with his blankie draped over his shoulder, thumb in his mouth, and his tiny hand in mine.  I admit I followed behind this mother and son for a bit while the memories came flooding back, all the while wanting to tell her to soak in every minute because these days would soon be gone.  But, as tears began to sting my eyes, I decided it was best to let her be.  I knew I would be a blubbering mess if I tried to speak.

2002 just before his sister was born

I am thankful that I had 6 months to prepare myself for Solomon’s big move (which wasn’t exactly a “big” move because everything that he owned fit in his Chevy Trailblazer, but it was a big day for our family as a whole).  I became accustomed to the idea and felt more and more peace as the day approached.  On the morning of his move, I was sitting at my desk journaling as I worked through my feelings and emotions.  I looked up and saw my sweet neighbor, Sue, walking down the sidewalk.  Sue is the mother of 6 grown children, and I know that God sent her past my house at that exact moment because I needed to see her.  I instantly felt peace wash over me and I was even able to smile as I thought, “Sue has done this six times.  I can do it, too.”

As I continued to sit there that morning, I was also reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus.  I was in pain because my son was moving out, but can you imagine the pain she felt as she watched her son being beaten and crucified?  Think of how she felt as she watched Him take His last breath while He hung innocently on a cross.  I can think of no worse pain than to watch your child suffer, especially when it’s totally out of your hands.  Mary’s son was brutally murdered as people watched and cheered.  And though He rose again, He would no longer be physically with her in human form as He had been in the past.  Yes, I’m sure she understood that He fulfilled the greatest of purposes, but Mary was still a human who experienced the same emotions that we feel.  I’m sure she missed Jesus immensely.  This definitely put things in perspective for me.  

I’ve surprisingly handled this bittersweet change well.  There were lots of tears shed on the day Solomon moved, but since then I’ve been ok.  I definitely have days when I miss him terribly, but I’m able to remind myself that this is healthy.  I’m insanely proud of him and it’s been rewarding to watch him thrive on his own.  

We found another benefit of having a big family that day. The 6 of us took 4 trips from his truck to his apartment instead of 24 trips on his own.

I’m writing about this adjustment in our life to remind you that the days with your children at home and under your roof will be over in the blink of an eye.  These days are precious and are fleeting.  We had 7,764 days with Solomon and I still cannot believe how fast it went.  The morning of his move, I was standing in the kitchen crying with my husband and all I could say was, “How did we get here so fast?”  So, I encourage you, let the idea of having an immaculate house go.  The organization of your linen closet, a sink that is never full of dirty dishes, and the latest post by your friends on Facebook do not matter.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  ~  Matthew 6:19-20

Your child’s heart and soul are what really matter and these are some of the heavenly treasures you should be storing up, not the “treasures” of this world.  When you stand before God one day, He will not ask you how clean your house was or how much money you had in your bank account.  Those things will pass away.  But, what will really matter will be the souls that you have touched and sown into and your children should be number one on that list.

Four of my greatest treasures

“Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” ~ James 4:14

Take it from me, you do not have an infinite number of days with your children.  Not only do they grow up, get jobs, and move away, we have no idea how many days we have left here on earth.  This life is but a mist and goes by fast.  You can’t put off making memories with your children or teaching them what it means to be a disciple of Christ.  One day they will be out in the “real world” and your direct influence over them will be a thing of the past.  Make the most of the days you have with them because these days are flying by. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!! 

Strength for the 2020-2021 School Year

September 4, 2020 /

This will probably be a shorter post than most because I am currently busy preparing for our 17th year of homeschooling.  Even though I have been doing this for many years, I still get a bit anxious at the beginning of every school year.  Will I be able to meet the educational needs of each child?  Have I chosen the curriculum for each of them that suits their learning style best?  Is each child registered for enough extra curricular activities?  And then there are the little ones to consider that I babysit in order to be able to contribute financially to our family (and because I need a baby fix every single day).  Will I be able to give them the attention that they need?  Do I have enough educational activities planned for them to keep them engaged while I am teaching my children?  There’s so much to think about and plan!

I’ve noticed a similar anxiousness from many of my friends who have children in public or private school this year.  With COVID-19 hovering over the entire world, we are all facing uncharted territory for us all.  Parents are asking questions such as, “How will I work and help my children with their schoolwork all at the same time?  Should I send my children to school or keep them home to do school online?  How will my children fare as they are home day after day instead of at school with their friends?  If I decide to send my child, will they catch covid?”  There are just so many unknowns which have caused a sense of fear and unsettledness in many.

I was texting a friend last week and she was sharing with me her concerns for this next year.  She works from home and has 4 children under the age of 7.  When school starts back, she will be juggling the schoolwork of 2 school age children, her own work schedule, plus her 3 year old and baby.  She was expressing how incredibly stressed she was as I was processing my own upcoming school year.  I was feeling a bit overwhelmed for both of us when I came across a scripture that I have decided will be my Bible passage to focus on for the 2020-2021 school year.  I think it’s one that every parent should keep in mind as we face this next year of uncertainty.  

5  Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.  6  He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. 7  “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. 8  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

~ Jeremiah 17:5-8

As usual, the Lord gave me exactly what I need to face this year through this scripture.  He reminded me that if I try to rely on my own strength, I will fail.  I will shrivel up and won’t have the strength to carry on.  Life will remain overwhelming because I can’t make it on my own.  WIthout trusting in Him, my mind and heart will be filled with trepidation.

But, when we trust in Him and read His Word daily, we are REFRESHED!  We don’t have to fear the year ahead, even when we know ahead of time that the days are going to be TOUGH.  We can rest in Him as we know for certain that He will daily give us what we need to make it through every single day.  And notice that we won’t just barely make it through.  The end of the last verse says, “for it does not cease to bear fruit.”  That means this tree is not wilted and barely hanging on, but it is very much healthy and alive!  So, not only will we survive, we will also continue to be productive, full of life and growth.  

While writing this post, I was also reminded of the Children of Israel as they wandered through the desert.  When they woke each morning, there was fresh manna on the ground to give them the strength for that day.  But, they couldn’t hoard it and save it until the next or it would spoil and be filled with worms.  They had to simply trust God to give them the new manna that they needed each and every morning.  Right now it’s easy to look and wonder if we will have what we need for each day that we are about to face.  When we climb into bed each night we can easily be weary from all that we’ve just had to juggle and wonder how we will make it through the next 24 hours.  But, when we go to Him each morning, He will give us new strength for that upcoming day.  And we can’t just read His Word occasionally and expect it to hold us over.  Remember, when the Israelites tried to use the manna from previous days, it wasn’t possible. Thus, we have to draw from Him daily.

One of my absolute favorite places to sit in Smoky Mountain National Park

Don’t fret about tomorrow.  Or next week.  Or the next year.   Trusting in yourself or man will cause you to be anxious and fear this coming year that we are facing. Jesus said in Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Instead, put your roots down in Him.  Drink daily from the water that only He can give and you will never thirst again (John 4:14).  You can trust in Him knowing that just as He gave the Israelites the manna that they needed each morning, He will give you exactly what you need to face each day.  Decide today to trust Him.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

Preparing for and Surviving the Teen Years of Parenting

June 24, 2020 /

From the time I had my first child, I had heard so many horror stories about the teen years.  “Just wait until he’s a teenager.  You think she has an attitude now?  Wait until she’s 16!  Parenting only gets harder as they become teens.”  I’m sure every parent has heard these same types of remarks from fellow parents.  I have to say, though, that I disagree with this assessment of teenagers.  As the mom of 4 children ages 21, 17, 15, and 10, I can honestly say that teenhood has been one of my favorite stages.  It’s incredibly exciting and rewarding to watch as your children begin to form their own opinions and decide the path they want to take in life.  You can begin to enjoy the fruits of your labor as your children mature into young men and women.   I’m not at all saying that this phase of your child’s life will be easy to navigate.  It can be HARD (is there anything in life that isn’t difficult at times?), but with lots of prayers, love, laughter, tears, attention, and hard work, these can be some of the best years of your life.

Teach them while they’re young

Preparing for the teen years starts when your child is small.  If you’re new to your faith and didn’t begin when your children were young, it isn’t too late.  God will redeem all of those years. Here are some verses that my husband and I try to live by that will prepare both your child as well as you for the young adult years.  Or if your child is already a teenager, these verses are equally as important.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”  Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (emphasis mine)

Teaching our children to love God with their whole heart (which is the greatest commandment) can only be taught by living it out.  Talk about it at home, when you’re driving to soccer practice, in the morning, at night, and all throughout the day.  It’s a lifestyle.  These lessons need to be at the forefront of our minds as we go about our days with our children.  This will set the foundation for them as they grow older and become more independent.

I am absolutely in NO WAY a perfect parent.  I am so far from it.  And my children are not perfect.  We were all born with a sin nature and we are struggling to reach the finish line.  I have made so, so many mistakes along the way, but I’ve learned a lot, too.  The purpose of this blog is to share with you some things that I’ve learned about parenting teenagers so that perhaps you will learn from my experiences and mistakes.

Things I’ve learned from being a parent to teens:

  1. Enjoy these years with them!  You’ve heard the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short,” and that’s so true.  My 21-year-old is less than 2 months from moving into his own apartment.  I look back at his life and I swear it’s a blur, although we went through tough times that seemed to last forever along the way.
  1. Learn when to speak up and when to just sit back and pray.  This is something you will use for the rest of their lives and needs to be woven into the very fabric of your parenting.  It isn’t always necessary to give your opinion on matters.  Often learning lessons for themselves and allowing the Holy Spirit to teach them is going to go way further than nagging.
  1. Allow them to form their own opinions.  It’s unhealthy to expect your child’s viewpoints to line up exactly with yours.  The Lord has reminded me through the years that I am not training robots and programming them to think and believe exactly the way I want them to.  Instead, I’m rearing living, breathing human beings that should believe and think independently for themselves. Consider this – do you 100% agree with your parents when it comes to politics and religion?  I’m sure you don’t.  The case will be the same for your kids.  All we can do is guide them and pray they come to conclusions that line up with God’s Word.  And we can’t shame them for their opinions.  Instead, we need to provide a safe place where they can talk through issues without feeling guilty for the way they feel. You may see them waver as they are trying to decide what they think about certain issues.  I have found this to be perfectly normal.  
  1. Take time with them.  Learn about the things that they enjoy even if you don’t “get it.”  My kids love to save videos for me on their phones (typically on the app “Tik-Tok”).  They usually save several that they think I will enjoy, and often after dinner, we will view the videos together.  I have to admit, half of the time I don’t even understand the humor in the videos.  Also, their timing is not always super convenient.  But, I remind myself that one day they will be gone and I’ll only WISH they were around to show me Tik-Toks.  So, I’ll find the time and try my best to understand what they’re showing me which often ends with fits of laughter on their end as they try to explain to me what I’ve just seen.  Also, I try to find the time to take one kid out at a time, even if it’s just to run errands. This enables me to hear what’s going on in their world and in their heart without any interruptions.  
  1.  Give them permission to decide what they believe spiritually and why they believe it.  Doubts are TOTALLY acceptable in our house and often lead to great conversations.  If my children do not know why they believe in Jesus, the world is going to eat them up.  They will easily be swayed and may ultimately turn their back on God.  They can’t believe just because dad and mom said so.  Our kids have all had periods where they didn’t know if they believed the same as we do.  They’ve asked questions such as,  “How do we know that God is real?”  They’ve said things like, “How do we know Christianity is the right religion?  Don’t you think every person believes that their personal religion is the correct one?  What if they are right and we are wrong?”  These are HARD questions!  We always answer them as best we can and then we have to allow them to dig deeper.  As a parent, that can be a scary place to be.  But, as each child has gone through their periods of doubt, we’ve had to release them to God, trusting that He would reveal HImself to them.  Without fail, He has done just that every single time. 
  1. Get to know their friends.  Be the house that is a safe, fun place to hang-out.  The best way to stay connected with your teen is to know what’s going on in their world, and their social life is always a huge part of that.  Getting to know who is influencing them and who they are spending time with gives you great insight into their lives.  We also always try to get to know their friends’ parents so that when they hang out at their house, we know a bit about their family.  
  1. Help them find their strengths and passions.  I’ve noticed one of the most difficult phases of life is deciding which career path our children would like to start on.  My husband and I think a little differently than some on this and we don’t expect our kids to know at 18 what they want to do with the rest of their lives.  I still don’t even know what I want to do with the rest of my life and I’m 44!  So instead, we help them to find their strengths and passions.  What is it that really excites them?  What are they really good at?  What are their weaknesses?  How can they use their strengths most effectively?  What did God create them to be?  And then we encourage them to find ways to utilize their strong suits as stepping stones as they continue to discover who they are (which is ultimately a lifelong process).
  1. Recognize that they are of a different generation and will see and do things differently than you.  I remember being a teenager myself and thinking my parents didn’t really understand me.  I think every teenager feels the same.  They feel that way because it’s absolutely the truth.  Yes, I was a teenager once and can identify with my children, but I grew up in a completely different period of time.  Kids in our current world see and know things that we didn’t know at their age, mainly because of the internet. TImes are just totally different.  I can’t expect them to do things and think the same way I did back in the late eighties and early nineties because the world was different back then.
  1. Don’t try to parent the way others do.  It’s so easy to look and compare ourselves to other parents.  But, this is such a dangerous place to be in.  Just because Suzie gets an iPhone at 13 doesn’t mean your child should.  Or don’t feel guilty if Johnny’s parents seem to always know how to handle every situation.  Instead of looking to other parents for parenting wisdom, look to the One who entrusted you with your children.  He knows them better than anyone and can give you the exact wisdom you need.
  1. Don’t compare your child to other teenagers.  This goes for siblings as well as friends.  Saying things like, “You don’t work as hard as your brother/sister,” will only cause damage.  Each child is going to learn, grow, and mature at different rates.  Allow your child to develop at a rate that’s appropriate for them all while praying for wisdom on when to give them a little push and when to be quiet and allow them to learn for themselves.
  1. Keep the dialogue open.  The best way to know what’s going on in your child’s mind is to not only talk to them but also to listen as well.  As tempting as it may be, there’s no reason to criticize everything they say.  Like I mentioned earlier, they are trying to figure out their views.  If you knock everything that they say or turn every conversation into a life lesson, you will turn them off and the lines of communication will be broken.  Sometimes they just need someone to listen without unsolicited advice.
  1.  Be a soft place for them to land where they can make mistakes.  Oftentimes, making mistakes is the best way to learn.  Sometimes teens need to see things for themselves in order for lessons to really sink in.  God has taught me the importance of showing grace to my children, though I didn’t start out that way. I was pretty tough on my first child as I’ve shared in previous posts.  I was a perfectionist within myself and that bled over some into my parenting.  Fortunately, God gently reminded me early on of the amount of grace and mercy that He’s shown me over the years.  He has often withheld punishment from me that I no doubt deserved and instead, He simply showed grace and love.  The world is going to be tough enough when my kids go out.  They need a safe, peaceful place to come home to where it’s ok to mess up.  When mistakes are made, they often hear me say, “Chalk it up as an experience.  Did you learn from it?  Will you do it again?  God forgives you, I forgive you, now you need to forgive yourself and move on.”
  1. Trust them!  If I crowd my teens and micromanage everything that they do, they’ll never learn to make good choices in life.  Through Christ, we have managed to build a trusting bond with our children, but at times I’ve wondered if I’m too trusting. They’ve never given me a reason NOT to trust them, so I don’t check my teens’ phones every night as some parents do.  I don’t keep a close eye on what they listen to or watch (especially our older teens).  Rather, I trust them to make good choices.  So many times I’ve wondered if that will come back to haunt me.  But, my three oldest kids have started telling me something really interesting.  They’ve told me that since we trust them as much as we do, that makes them want to make good decisions because they don’t want to disappoint us and break that trust.  I’ve found that if they mess up, they come to us and tell us instead of hiding it.  And that’s when guidance comes into play.  If there is a show or YouTuber who brings on weird thoughts or feelings, we talk about how that’s probably not a great thing to watch because what we put into our minds truly affects who we are.  They have always willingly made the change on their own.  We’ve also had a few instances of anxiety during the last few months due to the excessive fear-mongering by the media.  We’ve had conversations about taking a break from social media which they have easily agreed to.   I know that it is totally due to God and His wisdom that we’ve been able to build this trust.

Don’t Wait to enjoy these days

I pray that these words bring peace to your heart as a parent.  Remember that apart from Christ, you can do NOTHING.  You must be in His Word every single day asking for wisdom.  I have no clue how things will turn out with my children.  I pray that they all will walk with the Lord all the days of their life, but I have no guarantees.  All I can do is keep myself anchored to the feet of Jesus as I plead for His wisdom.  I can teach my children through my own life and words and trust that they will see Christ in me. 

If you have teenagers, DON’T WAIT to enjoy them!  Spend time with them.  Love them.  Cherish them.  Trust them.  Guide them.  Talk to them.  And allow them to make mistakes.  Show them grace and mercy and remember that one day they will be gone and your refrigerator will stay full longer and your house will be quiet.  So, make the most of these days because they are quickly fleeting.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

Sticky post

A Prayer of Thanks on My Son’s 21st Birthday

May 19, 2020 /

21 years ago today you gave me one of the greatest gifts you could have possibly given me – I had my first child and became a mom.  As you know, my journey into motherhood was not an easy one.  Even though I knew you, I had yet to realize that my worth was in you.  Instead, it was wrapped up in the need to be perfect.  I was more worried about controlling every detail of my existence and how my life looked rather than letting you be in charge.  So, I stayed on edge making sure everything was perfect.  I strived to be the model mom and spent crazy amounts of time making sure everything was flawless for Solomon. He was bathed nightly and slathered in baby lotion (I had to make sure he smelled good).  His clothes were washed in Dreft and Downy, matched perfectly, and could have absolutely no stains.  He had to be seen as a “good baby,” so I did all I could to make him happy.  I felt proud when people asked if he ever cried since he was always so content, and my self-worth was boosted when people were impressed with how well he listened as he got older.  Being my first, I was pretty hard on him because I had this vision of how I wanted him to behave (typical of a first-time parent, I know).  My perfectionism bled into every area of mothering.  I put up a facade so that I appeared to have it all together, but I was falling apart on the inside. 

I looked put together on the outside, but was falling apart on the inside.

A few months into motherhood, I began to crash.  I began to have off the wall, irrational fears and panic attacks consumed me. I had chronic pain in my side from constantly staying so uptight and I seriously thought I was dying of cancer.  I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and could barely function.  My body began to react to the incredible amount of stress I had placed on myself.  Yet, true to your word, you used every bit of the ashes of my life and worked it for my good.  At the time, you felt a million miles away.  My prayers and cries for help felt like they left my lips and went absolutely nowhere. But, even in spite of myself and my flaws, you gave me a son that has turned into an amazing young man.  You took my perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, and all-consuming fears and turned them into something beautiful.  How is it that such an amazing human can come from a fragile shell of a woman even with my sinfulness and weaknesses?  He isn’t perfect, but I’m amazed by him when I think back over the last 21 years. Lord, I pray that our story shared through this prayer will help other parents see that your hand is on our children, even in our humanness and with our frailties.  

I am grateful that even though I hit such an insanely low point in my life at the beginning of my motherhood journey, you blessed me with a husband who stuck with me.  He has been so much fun to parent with and he is a joy to make decisions with as we parent our children. Thank you that we balance each other out perfectly and that when I’m fearful, he can teach them to be brave and that when he is too brave (like allowing them to try crazy stunts), I can reign him in.  There is no one I’d rather have as the father of my children.

Earl holding it all together while I was falling apart

I am thankful that even though I can be lazy at times, you gave us a son that is an insanely diligent worker.  You wired him to work hard from the time he was tiny.  Bear with me as I take a walk down Memory Lane.  At the age of 18 months, his favorite activity was vacuuming.  He would ask for the “dat-tu,” so we eventually bought him a toy one of his own.  When we sold our first house and cleaned it for the final time, he vacuumed more of the house than I did (he was only almost 2).  When we arrived at our new home a few hours later with the moving truck full of our furniture, he carried just as many items as the men did into our house.  It was that day that I realized how driven he was.  From the age of 4, he would push the lawnmower with his dad and help cut the lawn.  Earl would give him sunglasses to protect his eyes and put Solomon in front of him.  He would hold onto the lowest bar while his dad would patiently push mow the yard as Solomon helped for the duration of the time.  When he was around the age of 8, we had a face cord and a half of wood delivered in preparation for the coming winter.  He told me that afternoon that he was going to go out and start stacking it and in no time he had stacked every piece.  By the age of 10, he was completely cutting the yard on his own and loved every minute of it.  Around the same age, he started dabbling in making videos, and over the course of the next few years, I watched as he grew a YouTube channel from the ground up.  He worked for hours a day figuring out what kind of content people enjoy, how to edit the videos, the best time of day to upload them, how to make money, and so on.  By the age of 15, he had a very successful channel with 33,000 subscribers and was bringing in money monthly.  When he told me at 16 that he was ready to let YouTube go and get a real job, my heart sank.  Was he prepared for that?  He had been homeschooled his entire life.  Had I done all I could to prepare him to hold down a job?  And then you gently reminded me that preparing him was not MY job.  It was yours.  Sure enough, he landed the first job he applied for.  On the day I drove him to his interview, I was more nervous than he was.  His response to me was, “Mom, why are you nervous?  If this job is God’s will for my life, they’ll hire me.  If not, there’s something better for me.”  He was hired on the spot.  During the 4.5 years he worked there, I was told countless times by many different managers that he was one of the hardest workers they had.  I pray that the work ethic you’ve blessed him with will always support him and his future wife and children and that whatever he does he will do it with all of his heart as though he’s working for you and not man (Colossians 3:23).

  • Mowing the lawn at a year
  • Mowing the lawn at 10
  • Toy vacuum

Thank you that even though I do not always set a Christlike example, you have made yourself real to him.  When he accepted you at the age of 8, I could tell that he truly understood the decision he was making.  We had stopped at church that day and decided to sneak quickly into the back of a room where a youth rally was ending.  The plan of salvation was laid out and we didn’t realize how intently he was listening.  When the teens were asked who had invited Christ into their life, we were shocked when Solomon raised his hand.  When he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face, I knew he fully understood who you are and the gift you had given him.  As the years went on and his childhood years turned to teenage years, he began to struggle with his faith.  We encouraged him to ask all of the questions he needed to and do all the research necessary.  He can’t make it to heaven on our coattails, so he had to know why he believed what he believed.  Without this crucial step in his faith journey, he would be eaten up by the world.  We had to trust that you would once again show yourself to him.  On Christmas evening when he was sixteen, he was literally within minutes of completely renouncing his faith because there were so many things he just could not understand about you.  True to who you are,  you came down and met him in our basement and made yourself known to him in a way that none of our family could ever deny.  When we seek you, we find you (Luke 11:9). Thank you that he has never looked back.

Thank you that even though I can be very selfish and inward-focused, you have given him a heart for people.  When he sees a homeless person out on the street, he always passes them a few bucks.  He develops relationships with these people and knows the details of their lives, though most (including myself, ashamedly) will walk right past them.  He checks on them when he sees them and always shares the truth about you.  He keeps a few bibles in his glove compartment and passes your word on when given the chance.  And he somehow does all of this with grace and in a way that isn’t pushy.  He simply develops a relationship and loves the way you do.  Last year he was waiting for some scary test results to come in.  His grandfather (my father) died at the age of 37 from melanoma, so when a suspicious mole was found on Solomon’s foot, it was a bit worrisome for all of us.  After a day of fear, he came to me and said, “Mom, I’m not going to live in fear.  Instead, I’m going to reach out to other people and focus on them instead of myself.”  He then invited our elderly neighbor over for dinner and cooked the entire meal himself.  How could someone so young have so much wisdom?  The answer is you.  

This is one of my all time favorite pictures of him. Instead of living in fear of the future, he was serving our elderly neighbor by making a spaghetti dinner.

Even though I have not always been the greatest example of a guide as his mom, thank you that Solomon is a natural-born leader.  Raising a leader is not always easy.  They typically have strong opinions and extreme determination.  Allowing a child who is a leader to develop these skills while also teaching them to respect authority can be tricky at times. Yet you were always faithful in giving us wisdom as we fostered leadership skills.  Thank you for every creative idea you’ve planted in his mind, for every shelf he built, every instrument he made, and every plan he carried through.  He came to me sometime around his 11th birthday with an idea that he wanted to carry out.  Memorial Day was about a week away and he wanted to organize a neighborhood Memorial Day celebration.  His plan was to have as many neighbors as possible to display an American flag as a way to show their thanks to those who gave their lives for our freedom. As his idea came together, he gave me his supply list.  He then drafted a flier for the neighbors and made a sign for our front yard.  All I could think while his siblings and I walked with him as he went door-to-door passing out fliers and asking neighbors to join his cause was, “Thank you, Lord, for this kid who wants to honor fallen Americans, even at only 11 years of age.”

  • Our front yard

Although I fail miserably at always showing kindness and love, thank you that he has still become an amazing big brother.  He wasn’t super crazy about the idea of having a younger sibling initially.  “I don’t want to be a big brother!  I want to stay Solomon!” he told us when we asked if he wanted a “Big Brother” t-shirt.  We realized that he was afraid his identity would change, so we offered to have an “I Love My Baby Sister” shirt made instead.  He agreed that it was a good idea.  He quickly grew into his role and has adored each and every sibling.  He has always been a protector and has loved spending time with his 2 sisters and brother.  As he’s grown older, his influence in their lives has grown also.  His walks with them to 7-11 for a Slurpee have turned into drives to Tim Horton’s for a soda and walks around Canalside.  He is also intentional about spending time with each one individually.  Movies, concerts, shows, and road trips make each sister and brother feel special and valued.  “I want to spend time with each one because I know one day I will be on my own,” he has told me.  The memories he has made with each one are pretty amazing.  This is all you, Lord.  Thank you for the relationship he has with each sibling.

“I do not want to be a big brother. I want to stay Solomon.”
  • Telling his sister he was proud of her dancing
  • Playing with his brother in the rain because that’s one of his favorite childhood memories
  • A road trip with his sister
  • Road trip with his sister
  • Walking out a dance recital
  • Digging the biggest hole possible with his brother
  • Walking out of another dance recital
  • This is our table every evening – sharing videos they’ve found for each other throughout the day.
  • At the movies with his brother
  • Another movie with his brother
  • Taking his sister to a show
  • Off to see AJR in concert
  • Excited that his sister got her learner’s permit
  • Checking out said learner’s permit
  • Comforting his sad little brother
  • Sibling walk to 7-11 for a Slurpee
  • Ride to Tim Horton’s for a soda
  • Off to see Imagine Dragons

Though I make foolish decisions at times, thank you that Solomon is wise.  When he was first born, I began praying that he would have wisdom.  I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help him to grasp spiritual things that most others can’t. I told Solomon a few years ago that I’m not even sure where that prayer came from.  His response was, “Mom, the Holy Spirit helps us to pray.  So, that must have been the prayer for me that He wanted you to pray.”  See what I mean?  Such wisdom that comes from you.

Thank you that even though I have not always been faithful to you, he still runs hard after you.  I am grateful that he recognizes his need for you.  That he studies and knows your Word.  That he prays through each decision that he has to make and that he trusts you even when things are uncertain.  I pray that following after you would always be his number one desire because that is all that matters in this world.  His social status, career path, type of car he drives, and size of house he lives in means nothing.  All that matters is his relationship with you.

I will forever be thankful for all of the people who have poured into Solomon’s life to help shape him into the man he is becoming.  Brian and Amy Parker spent hours upon hours teaching him about you from approximately the ages of 6 to 13.  They sacrificed their time for a group of boys to impart their spiritual wisdom into their lives.  I know that they played a HUGE role in the spiritual foundation that was laid when Solomon was a child.  Thank you for Andy Toukatley who was Solomon’s middle school small group leader.  He showed him that even young, cool people should follow you and that being a believer can be fun.  Thank you for Orin Helfrich who was his small group leader in high school and to this day continues to meet with the guys in the group on occasion.  Thank you for Corey Coogan who has been a great example to Solomon in the last 2-3 years.  He has given him opportunities to lead and has taught him how to be a great leader.  He has given Solomon freedom to learn even if mistakes are made.  I will forever be grateful for these friends who have loved my boy.

And now, Jesus, as he is getting older and the dynamic of our relationship is changing, please Don’t Wait to give me wisdom.  Show me when to speak and when to just pray for him as he navigates his life.  I pray that our relationship will always be close, but that it will be easy to step aside when he meets his future wife.  I’ve witnessed too many mothers and daughters-in-law who struggle because mom is overbearing.  Guide my words.  Guide my actions.  And bring that special girl into his life when the time is right.  Thank you for blessing his faithfulness with his new job.  We know that it is a gift from you.  As he prepares to move out in a few months, keep him safe.  I pray that he always knows that our house is his house and the door is always open.

A Prayer of Protection For Your Family

April 23, 2020 /

I absolutely hate the damage that I see happenng to so many around me.  No matter how much people are trying to stay in touch, disconnection is happening.  Online church services are great.  Zoom meetings are serving their purpose (sort of).  Facetime calls allow some connection.  But, face to face, human interaction can never be replaced.  I’m still so bothered at the thought of people dying alone.  I’m sad for parents who have to send their children into hospitals all by themselves (this happened to a friend and it wasn’t even COVID-19 related).  I hurt for families who are unable to visit sick loved ones.  I personally know of people who have recently died from natural causes (totally unrelated to the virus) and friends and families are unable to grieve together due to social distancing. Instead, meals, cards, and flowers are being left on porches as they talk to and cry with their loved ones from at least 6 feet away. Those who live alone are desperately lonely.  People are feeling desperate because they’ve lost their job and have no clue how they’ll feed their families.  Suicides are beginning to occur because people are scared, lonely, and feel hopeless.  I recently heard the story of a 99 year old man who committed suicide because he felt our current circumstances signified the end of time and he couldn’t bear to see the end result.  Imagine that.  He lived NINETY-NINE YEARS.  NINETY-NINE!!!  Can you imagine the things he had lived through and the things he had seen?  Yet, fear overtook him.  I’m afraid we will see more and more of this in the days and months to come.  I’m fearful of the psychological damage that is being done to people all across the world.

So, what can we do to combat this?  How can we protect our children?  How can we fight back against the fear, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness?  For my family, I’ve been using Psalm 91.  I think many people have been reading this Psalm as a cry for physical protection which is great.  The Lord has impressed on me, though, to pray this for my family for spiritual protection.  Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  We have an enemy who is on the prowl.  He is walking around like a roaring lion seeking to devour us (1 Peter 5:8).  He WANTS us to feel despair.  He WANTS us to be depressed.  He enjoys watching us suffer.  He loves the hopelessness that many people are feeling presently.  We MUST be on guard.  Mommas, pray for your husbands and babies (no matter how old they are).  Daddies, pray for your wife and children.  Personalize Psalm 91 and pray this over your household.  

1 We who dwell in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 We will say to you Lord, “Our refuge and our fortress, our God in whom we trust.”

3 For you will deliver us from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.

Let me stop right there.  With all that our world is facing right now, we, of course, read “deadly pestilence” and think coronavirus.  But, can I tell you something?  Yes, God CAN protect us from earthly things such as disease.  He never promised that He will, though.  Instead, the deadly pestilence I think of here is Satan’s schemes, spiritual harm.  God will absolutely protect us and deliver us from the things that can harm us spiritually.  And THAT’S what matters.  That’s where our hope lies.  

4 You will cover us with your pinions, and under your wings we will find refuge; and your faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

5 We will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

We will not fear the pestilence.  I was looking at the commentary “Barnes’ Notes on the Bible,” and this is what he said about the phrase “the pestilence that stalks in darkness” (Psalm 91:6)  (think of the coronavirus as you read this).  “Not that it particularly comes in the night, but that it seems to creep along as if in the night; that is, where one cannot mark its progress, or anticipate when or whom it will strike. The laws of its movements are unknown, and it comes upon people as an enemy that suddenly attacks us in the night.”  Sound familiar?  I’ve heard countless people say that this virus can be anywhere at any time and we will obviously have no clue because we cannot see it.  We have no clue whom it will strike next.  But, we cannot fear it because it cannot take our souls.  Our souls are what matter and spiritually, God has us covered with His wings.  

7 A thousand may fall at our side, ten thousand at our right hand, but it will not come near us.

8 We will only look and see the recompense of the wicked.

Think of that!  Satan is hurling thoughts of fear at our families.  He’s heaving the idea of hopelessness at us.  But, through God’s protection, he cannot come near us.  We will only look and see what he’s trying, but he will simply fall by our side.

9 Because we have made you, Lord, our dwelling place – the Most High, who is our refuge – 

10 no evil shall be allowed to befall us, no plague come near our tent.

Once again, this is not saying that we will never suffer physical harm.  A relationship with God does not ensure us an easy, pain free life.  It’s actually quite the opposite.   Though He loves us,  adores us, He allows pain.  Actually, BECAUSE he loves and adores us, He allows pain.  This pain perfects us, refines us, makes us more like Christ.  Instead, the plague that will not come near our tent is Satan.  The next time he tries to whisper lies to you, remember that when we dwell in the shelter of God and call Him our refuge, our fortress, our God, he cannot befall us.

11 For you will command your angels concerning us to guard us in all our ways.

12 On their hands they will bear us up, lest we strike our foot against a stone.

13 We will tread on the lion and the adder, the young lion and the serpent we will trample underfoot.

14 Because we hold fast to you in love, you will deliver us; You will protect us because you know our name.

He knows your name!  The creator of the universe knows your name.  He commands His angels to guard your thoughts and your mind.  Pray this for your family that you will be protected from that which can harm you spiritually.

15 When we call to you, you will answer us; You will be with us in trouble; You will rescue us and honor us.

16 With long life you will satisfy us and show us your salvation.

Think about the long life He will give us.  Once again, we aren’t looking with our human eyes, but instead with our spiritual eyes.  My dad was an amazing Christian man and the Lord saw fit to take him at the age of 37.  He didn’t live a long life here on earth.  The long life He will give us is in our heavenly home.  We are just passing through here.  The burdens of this world are only momentary when compared to eternity.

I copied this Psalm in my journal and have been praying it over our family every single day.  Here is the prayer I wrote at the bottom of the page:

“Lord, please hear us.  Protect us.  And not necessarily physically.   Pray we’ll all have our eyes on you and only you.  We can’t look at everything around us.  

Protect us spiritually.  I’m not concerned with physical – no matter what happens, I know eternity is all that matters.  I pray that all six of us plus future spouses and generations to come will follow you and YOU ALONE.  I do not fear physical threats.  Protect us, though, from spiritual threats.”

God’s desire is to cover us with His feathers. He wants to be our shield and buckler.  I encourage you to pray against the possible psychological effects that this period in history can have on your family.  Fear, despair, depression, and hopelessness are what Satan wants us to feel.  But, we have the HOPE and PROMISE of our God who will use all things for our good and who will answer us and be with us in trouble.  Keep your eyes on Him.  Don’t look to the right or to the left.  Ask Him to protect your family both spiritually and mentally.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

Fun Activities for Little Ones

March 31, 2020 /

Being quarantined isn’t easy, especially if you have little ones. I’ve been keeping in touch with some of my mom friends who have young kids and this time of social distancing is proving to be tough. I’ve decided a post with some activities to do using materials that are cheap and that you may probably have at home would be helpful.

Before getting into that, though, let me remind you of the importance of spending time with Jesus every day, especially right now. These days can suck the life right out of you. But, filling yourself with Him and His word daily is vital. He is your lifeline that will keep you sustained and filled up as I discussed in THIS post. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Once you do that, Don’t Wait to move onto some of these fun activities that your kids are sure to love.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been homeschooling for 16 years. I also babysit to supplement our income a bit. I homeschooled one of the little guys that I used to babysit during his preschool years (2017 and 2018 school years) and have pulled some pictures of those years with him off of Facebook to share with you. If you try any of these activities with your little ones, please take pictures and share them on the Don’t Wait Facebook page found HERE.

Masking Tape Spider Web

This first activity we did in October around Halloween, but it can be done at any time. I made a spiderweb out of masking tape in a doorway and then gave Rian cottonball “bugs” to throw at the sticky web. He caught lots of bugs and had a blast doing it. This could also be done with wads of paper or any other light material you have at home.

Shaving Cream

Another fun activity is shaving cream. It’s cheap, smells good, and you can use as little or as much as you’d like. I’ve found that squirting it on a cookie sheet helps contain the mess. After writing some letters in the shaving cream, Rian proceeded to pretend his dinosaurs were playing in the snow. Be sure your child is old enough for this activity. You wouldn’t want shaving cream to end up in the eyes or mouth. If your child is too young for this, there is another activity at the end of this post that can be done in its place.

Painting With Water

During my junior and senior year of high school, I took a two year course in early childhood development. My teacher mentioned this next activity and I held onto it until I had children of my own. Pictured below is my youngest when he was 3. I would give him a plastic tub full of water, a paint brush, and a small paint roller. He would go outside and paint the porch from one end to the other. By the time he finished, the side he started with was dry, so he’d start all over again. This is a GREAT project that will keep little ones busy as well as build large muscles and coordination.

Painting Squares

During a unit on shapes, Rian made this cool painting that I believe ended up being framed by his mom. As you can see in the bottom of the picture below on the left, I used painter’s tape to make a grid on a thick piece of art paper. I then let him pick a few colors of paint and told him to fill in all of the white squares until there was no white paper showing. Once the paint was dry, I removed the tape which left perfect squares.

Small, Medium, and BIG Squares!

Also during our unit on squares, I cut small, medium, and big squares out of construction paper. This can be done in a few different ways. You could allow your child to make a collage of squares with no particular way of organizing them. If you choose this method, be sure to talk about the sizes as the pieces are being glued down, “Oh wow, look at that SMALL square. What about that one – is it big or small?” Or you can do this activity to work on following directions as I did with Rian. I first had him glue the big squares down. Next, he glued the medium size squares on top of the large ones. Last, the small squares were added.

Rubber Bands and Soup Cans

Rubber bands and soup cans. That has a nice ring to it! The first time I tried this with Rian, he was a bit too young. He didn’t have the hand strength which caused a good deal of frustration. So, we put it away for a few months. The next time around, it was a huge hit! This activity is super simple. Give your child a handful of rubber bands and any type of tin can. Have him/her put the rubber bands around the can. That’s it! This is another GREAT activity to build those muscles in their hands as well as hand-eye coordination. As you can see from the look on Rian’s face, this took a good bit of concentration.

Fruit Loops and Pipe Cleaners

This activity was both fun and yummy. I gave Rian a red, orange, yellow, green, and blue pipe cleaner along with a handful of fruit loops. He then matched the cereal pieces to the correct color of pipe cleaner and slid them on. This is the perfect way to build small motor skills as well as practice hand-eye coordination. The hole in the fruit loops is the perfect size so they won’t slide off as other pieces are being added. Since we didn’t have any purple pipe cleaners, the purple fruit loops were consumed by a certain 3 year old. Oh, and excuse the laundry pile. It’s an ever-growing pile that never really goes away.

Pipe Cleaners and a Colander

Here is another great activity to work on those hand-eye coordination skills. Flip a colander upside-down and push pipe cleaners through the holes. This captured Rian’s attention for quite some time. For even younger kids, a colander with bigger holes would probably be more appropriate.

Finger Paint With Pudding!!!

This is an activity that I did with all 4 of my children. Pictured below is my youngest child when he was around a year old. He always wanted to paint with his siblings, but I knew the paint would go straight in his mouth. So, finger painting with pudding was the perfect solution! Some of my kids didn’t enjoy this because they didn’t like the feeling of the pudding. Sekai had NO issues with that, though. I think he ate more than he painted. Of course, when he was finished, he went straight to the bathtub.

  • Trying to figure this whole thing out.
  • It tastes delicious!
  • He went straight to the bathtub!

I hope this gives you a few new ideas to keep your kids busy for a bit. If you try any of these, I’d love to see pictures. You can post them on the Don’t Wait Facebook page. And be on the lookout for a few more posts just like this. We will get through this together. Enjoy these days with your sweet babies. You’ve probably heard the saying, “The days go slow, but the years go fast.” There has never been a truer statement about parenting. Remember to draw your strength from Jesus and then have some fun with your kids. And whatever you do, Don’t Wait!

An Open Letter to COVID-19 Homeschool Parents From a Seasoned Homeschool Mom

March 18, 2020 /

I’ve gotten some texts today from friends telling me that after homeschooling their children for 2 days, they think I’m amazing and don’t know how I’ve homeschooled my children for the last 16 years.  While the compliments are kind, let me assure you that YOU are the ones that are amazing. I’ll tell you why.

1.  As a homeschool mom, I have all summer and every weekend to look over my children’s work for the year.  I can review, look over lessons, do my research, and plan for the year in a way that works for our family.  You, on the other hand, found out on Sunday that your children’s school was closed and on Monday morning your schooling at home began.  You had no time to plan and prepare.

2.  In a normal homeschool scenario, your child would have tons of classes to pick from at various places such as museums, churches, the zoo, and learning centers.  They could take classes in photography, engineering, writing, or science courses. They could play sports and take cooking, music, and art classes. They could go on field trips, play dates, and join chess clubs.  The sky’s the limit for these guys and we typically have to set a limit on outside activities or we’d never be home. But, you’ve been thrown into a situation where you are pretty much quarantined to your house, so you have no outlet during the day or in the evenings. You can’t take your kids to their usual dance classes or sports practices.  You. Are. Home. Period.

3.  We homeschool moms have had all year to learn along with our kids.  We’ve worked through all of the steps needed to solve that math problem and we know exactly how their curriculum is laid out.  You have not had that advantage. You are jumping into the middle of the school year and have missed the 6 ½ months leading up to this.  So, you’re scrambling to figure everything out.

4.  When I order my curriculum in the summer, I have the advantage of ordering a teacher’s edition if I so desire.  This way, I can teach the lesson (or at least refer to the lesson) and actually have the answers once my kids are finished with their work.  You, on the other hand, do not have that. You probably feel as if you’ve been thrown to the wolves as you try to remember what a prepositional phrase or gerund is.

5.  While homeschooling can be stressful, on any normal day, it’s nothing compared to the level of stress you are all facing.  Currently, our country is in a state that has everyone feeling like their life is upside down. You are dealing with your own emotions along with your children’s and that’s a lot to handle.

In other words, your circumstances are way different than mine.  You are at a serious disadvantage. So, if you’ve made it the last 2 days, you’re amazing!  I’ve seen several Facebook posts from moms who are scrambling to figure all of this out. Let me pass on a few tips that may help.

  1.  I’ve heard several of you say that your kids want to stick to their normal school schedule and get upset if a subject doesn’t take as long as it does at school.  Your homeschool day should not take as long as a regular school day because there are several things you are cutting out. You don’t have to wait for the entire class to line up, bathroom breaks, water breaks, changing classes, and so on.  Most importantly, they are no longer having to wait for an entire class of students to finish work. Once your child is finished and you know they understand, you can move on.  
  2. Our first few weeks of school are always rough.  It takes us a while to get into a groove and figure out exactly how our day should go.  If you or your child have been super emotional or frustrated, that’s totally normal. Give yourself a few weeks to figure things out and to find the schedule that works the best for you.  And if you lose your cool, apologize and move on. We all lash out at times.
  3. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.  Get up a little early for some quiet time before the busyness of the day begins.  Go for a run or walk after school. Put an educational show on for the kids and rest on the couch.  Get everyone in bed on time so you can get a halfway decent night of sleep (if there is such a thing for parents).  
  4. Take breaks!!!  Don’t try to sit for hours on end as you work your way through each child’s work.  You’ll burn out quickly. A ten-minute break can do everyone some good.
  5.  Your doubts are normal.  Am I covering everything with my children that I need to?  Do they fully understand? Are they going to get behind? How will they transition back into school?  All you can do is your best! Pray for strength and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
  6. Help your child work through their emotions.  This is probably your most important role right now.  I’ve loved having my children at home during emotional times in life such as the loss of grandparents.  I can stop what we’re doing and answer questions or console them as they work through their feelings. I know that most teachers are AMAZING at helping their students work through tough times in life.  But, no one knows your child like you. And can you imagine trying to help 20 students work through the emotions that they’re feeling right now? I’ve definitely seen a difference in some of my kids in the last few days.  Children often don’t know how to verbalize their feelings, so they may act out in weird ways. Your children are right where they need to be in the place they feel the safest and that’s right with you.
  7. I was asked today how I get anything else done during the day.  My answer? I don’t. I may get a few dishes in the dishwasher or one load of laundry put in the washing machine, but that’s about it.  My laundry piles up, the bathroom is never spotless, and my countertops are cluttered. I’ve learned to let some stuff go and give chores to my kids so my head stays above water.  They come first right now. In a few years, they will be gone and I’ll have plenty of time to clean.

As you navigate the next several weeks, just know that you have been assigned a huge undertaking.  Don’t judge homeschooling based on this experience. You have it much harder than those of us who homeschool on a regular basis.  I feel for you because our school days are pretty normal right now. Yours are not. Ask God for strength. He will give you exactly what you need.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!

Sticky post

Don’t Wait to Parent With Peace

March 10, 2020 /

We are living in an age that can be very scary as a parent.  The world seems very upside-down and we are witnessing our country experience major changes.  We know that there is an enemy who is out to destroy our families, so we must be on guard. Through my years of parenting, I’ve discovered that there is only one way to parent well and that is by being in God’s word every. single. day.  I can’t stress this enough. Notice I didn’t say we must read the latest parenting books or ask Siri or even friends for wisdom. Those things can be useful and very beneficial, but at the end of the day, only God Himself knows what is best for your family.  

Even though I was raised in church, this is not a discipline that I practiced until later in life.  I would read a few times a week and I fully believed in God and everything that He promised, but it took going through a deep depression to realize how much I NEED God, especially as a parent.  A few years ago, my pastor was preaching a sermon and used John 15:1-5 as a reference. John 15:5 really stuck out to me (though I had heard it a million times) and the last part has become my mantra.

“I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING.” (my emphasis added)

“Apart from you, Lord, I can do nothing.  Apart from YOU, I can do nothing. Apart from you, I can do absolutely nothing.  Apart from you, I can do nothing.” This is my cry throughout the day, nearly every day.  And guess what? He gives me exactly what I need. We absolutely cannot parent in the times that we live in without spending time with Him DAILY.  It’s hard, I know. You’re tired. You’re running here and there. You’re up late with your newborn. You’re chasing your toddler all day. You’re working your job.  You’re cooking dinner. You’re driving your children to games, practices, and classes. Our lives have become insane! BUT!!! Time with the One who created us, who sustains us, and who gives us peace is a necessity.  

When the alarm goes off in the morning, it’s tough to not continuously hit the snooze button until the last possible moment because you are exhausted and running on fumes.  But, Don’t Wait to take the time. Get up 15 minutes early. If your kids are wired the way mine are, they probably have some sort of radar that lets them know when you are awake, so they will get up, too.  I have to admit, I would often stop reading when this would happen and would move on with my day. If I could go back, though, I never would have done that. I would have found the time. I know that it would have made me a better mom, one with more peace. If your children wake up early, as mine inevitably did, get down on the floor while they play and read next to them.  Think about what that will teach your child. Or take time during their nap while the house is quiet. You could also try turning a movie on to entertain them for a bit (I’m giving you permission – it isn’t going to hurt them). Or how about after they’re in bed? Breast-feeding mommas, read during a few of your feedings throughout the day. Whatever it takes, you cannot afford to skip this! Over time, 15 minutes will turn into 30 and 30 into 45.  It’s like any other healthy relationship. The more time you spend with Him, the more you’ll find any moment possible to do so. The relationship will just get deeper and deeper and sweeter and sweeter.

Here are just a few benefits I’ve found of spending time in God’s Word:

  1.  Spending time in God’s Word will keep our hearts in the right place as we guide our children.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12 

I see two specific things in this verse that stick out to me.  First, God’s word is alive and active. This is why even though I had read John 15:5 over and over, it didn’t stick out to me until a few years ago.  You may feel you know what the Bible says, but reading a verse one day and reading the same verse a few days later can impact you in a different way. Also, His Word judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  As parents, we must constantly allow God to judge our thoughts and attitudes. And how does He do this? He speaks to us as we pray and spend time reading the Bible. We are responsible for guiding our children and if our thoughts and attitudes do not line up with God’s Word, we will do a poor job of this.

  • 2. Spending time in God’s Word will guide you as you are making critical decisions concerning your children.  

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.  Psalm 119:105

We need God to guide us, especially in the times we’re living in.  We’re navigating unchartered waters as we parent during this age of technology.  Our children (even our little ones if we aren’t careful) are inundated with information that we did not have access to when we were kids. Porn is easier to access, videos and ads expose them to the evils of the world such as mass shootings, diseases, and other matters that they do not need to worry with (even if we try to shield them, their friends will fill them in), and cyber-bullying is a concern because their peers can hide behind a screen. A very wise older woman at church pointed out to me that our generation cannot ask older generations of parents for advice on social media and technology because they didn’t have to face the decisions that we are having to make.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been praying for wisdom concerning issues such as this and a verse will pop out that points me in the right direction. He alone knows what works best for my kids. If we ask Him, He will guide us through His Word during these uncertain years.  

I heard a sermon on this verse (Psalm 119:105 from above)  years ago by Pastor Jerry Gillis at The Chapel at Crosspoint and it has stuck with me.  He said the lamp that David is referring to is not a modern-day lamp that lights up the entire room.  It’s an oil lamp that illuminates only a small area. So, God shows us a step or two at a time. This is why we must be consistent in our time with Him.  We can trust that He will guide us through each little step that we take when we are in daily communion with Him. We don’t have to look way down the road with fear. That should bring such PEACE!  We don’t have to make decisions regarding our children on our own. He gives us the wisdom that we need.

  1.  3. Spending time in God’s Word enables us to parent peacefully.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

This is a verse I memorized when I was deep in depression 20 years ago.  It has gotten me through some very dark times in life. Let’s take a look at what it says.  First, we don’t have to worry! There are so many things to think about, past, present, and future, as we parent our children.  Instead of fretting over these concerns that are often far beyond our grasp, we should pray. It’s that simple. Pray, tell Him what you need, and thank Him for all He’s done. When we do this, we will experience PEACE that won’t make any sense.  How can we have peace when our children are at risk of contracting the latest virus or when they have to go through lockdown drills at school in case there’s ever an armed madman in their school building?  It’s because of Christ. His peace truly will guard your heart and mind. I am proof of that. I’ll share my rocky journey into motherhood at some point, but just trust me when I say I started out as a very nervous mother that was so consumed by fear that I could barely function for the first year of my firstborn’s life.  But, time in His Word daily has taken all fear away.  

  1.  4. Spending time in God’s Word gives us strength.

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1

I would encourage you to read the rest of Psalm 27.  It’s a great reminder of why we need God. He will give you the peace, strength, guidance, and wisdom you need to make it through these scary, uncertain, exciting, and precious years you have with your children.  Don’t Wait to begin this practice. I’ll be honest, I am only 4 and a half years into making this a priority every single day even though I have attended church the entire almost 44 years of my life. I cannot tell you the difference it’s made in every area of my life.  I no longer live in fear, especially as I raise my children. God gives me a peace that I cannot explain and I so desire for you to have the same. Take the time to make God the number one priority in your life. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!

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