Don't Wait

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I Thought I Was Prepared

April 29, 2021 /

***DISCLAIMER:  I am just one of a number of people that Kim invited on her journey.  There are lots of others who assisted along the way. I’m humbled to have been given the opportunity to walk alongside her.  This is just one perspective of many.

I thought I was prepared.  Kim had been sick for years. 5 years, 3 months, and 29 days to be exact. I had watched her entire journey up close as I had a front row seat.  I was there the night of her initial surgery and held her hand and prayed with her while she was still groggy from anesthesia.  I remember feeling like I had been punched in the gut when she was told that she only had a little over a year to live. I watched as she went for months after her first surgery with clean scans, only to get knocked back down with the news of “there’s a new spot” after the birth of her 6th child.  

I recall walking into her room one day after she had begun the chemo pills and radiation.  The sight of her took my breath.  There she lay, sleeping in her all white bed surrounded by white, fluffy pillows, pristine white sheets, and a white down comforter.  It caught my attention because she looked so peaceful lying there, a bit like an angel.  I stood there staring, trying to take in every detail of the scene so I would never forget.  Her pillow caught my eye as it was covered with stray hairs that had begun to fall out of her head – a sharp reminder that my friend was terminally ill. 

There were countless other reminders of how grave her diagnosis was at every turn. For example, I homeschooled her children when she was too sick to do so. I kept them at my house for days on end because they needed a break from the heaviness at home. My husband and I sat with her and her husband as we looked through resumes of nannies who were interested in working for their family because she could not take care of a newborn plus 5 other children on her own.

I remained ringside for the duration of her illness.  I felt the highs and lows of the roller coaster she was on:  the nervousness of the slow, steady uphill climb and the giddiness and rush during the downhill descent.  I would visit her after 2 more brain surgeries and celebrate with her when they were a success.  I witnessed the effects that gamma knife treatments had on her body.  I saw as her energy was zapped time after time after time through the years.  

I watched her fight, push through the hard days, cry, and struggle.  We had the hard conversations.  The ones where she asked if I thought Phil was going to be ok.  The ones where she worked through fears.  And the ones where she rejoiced that she would soon be meeting Jesus face to face because, after all, there was no cure.  

We talked openly when she decided to stop treatment.  We discussed the implications of her decisions – how it would affect Phil, her children, and her family.  I asked her a few times over the course of the next month if she still felt peace in her decision.  Each and every time she assured me that she did.  She even sent me a text one day that said, “Why am I getting so excited that God’s will is going to take over?”  I assured her it was because that was the best place for her to be.

We knew God could heal her.  We both believed whole-heartedly that He could.  “If He chooses to heal me, GREAT!  I get more years here with Phil and my family.  If He chooses not to, GREAT!  I get to go live with Jesus.”  Over the next few months it became apparent that healing was not God’s will.

I sat with her as she picked out pictures to put on her memory boards at her funeral.  She showed me the outfit she would be dressed in and the necklace she would wear when she was laid to rest.  We cracked up as she referred to the necklace as her “decoration” because she could not remember the word “necklace.”  “What are you?  A Christmas tree?” her husband had asked.  She shared with me about her trip to the funeral home as well as the cemetery as arrangements were made.

She laughed at what a horrible nurse I was on the nights that our husbands would go out, leaving me to be the one to give her the medication that she was to take.  I would always forget how much to give and when to give it and would inevitably have to call Phil to ask.  I put eyedrops in her blind eye and covered it with a patch because she was unable to do so herself.  I walked behind her up the steps in case she would fall as she would go up to bed, though we would giggle the whole way knowing that I wouldn’t be much help if she went down.

I cleaned her room because she was too sick to do it herself.  I laid with her 5 year old as he would drift off to sleep at night because she could no longer do so.  I washed her dishes and cleaned her house when she was too weak. I folded her laundry, tucked her children into bed, and held them tight when they would cry at the sight of mom being so sick.  Each of these tasks that I would help with was another reminder of my friend’s fate.  I do not share these things to pat myself on the back.  I share them as proof that I was forced to deal with the reality of the situation.

One of the last times my husband and I were there at bedtime, we went up and prayed with her after Phil had tucked her in.  We were 4 friends nearing the end of an arduous journey.  We said everything to each other that we wanted to say.  We agreed that we would do it all again if we needed to.  She thanked Earl for being a friend to Phil and he assured her that we would continue to walk alongside Phil when she was gone. We told her goodnight and how much we loved her.

This photo was used in a past post, but it is my all time favorite picture of the 4 of us. Taken in September of 2018 on one of our many date nights.

I witnessed the decline.  I watched as she went from strong-bodied and able-minded to struggling to walk and recall the names of ordinary objects.  I saw her go from walking, talking, and laughing to being non-responsive and struggling to breathe.  I sat by her bed hours before she died, held her hand, prayed for her and reminded her that she was going to a place where:

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” ~Revelation 21:4

I promised her that we would continue to stand by Phil and the kids.  I rejoiced with her that she would soon be healed and whole and promised that I will meet her there one day.  

I knew it was coming. I was strong and ready for it because I knew where she was going. I knew she’d soon be restored back to perfect health in her eternal home where she would never struggle again. I was ok with it, prepared for it.

Until she was gone and I realized that I wasn’t.

Death is inevitable, but never easy.  We can have all of the right conversations and get our minds and hearts ready, but I don’t think we can ever be fully prepared.  We can tell ourselves that they will be better off, that they will be in heaven with Jesus, that we need to not be selfish and allow them to go. But, I’m finding that being ready is an impossible feat.  How can you really be prepared to tell someone goodbye on earth forever?  You simply can’t.

I have no regrets.  I said everything that I wanted to say and spent as much time with her as possible. I had prepared myself for years and knew that she was tired.  I thought I was ready to let her go because she was exhausted.  I fooled myself into believing that I was at peace.  And yet, here I sit in my grief.  I had told her I would be ok when she would ask.  I would say, “I’m ok because I know you are ok.”  Yet, now I question that.


Don’t let this discourage you from getting close to a friend or loved one who is battling a terminal illness.  Be sure not to run out of fear of the pain that will inevitably come.  Grief is cruel.  It smacks you down and holds you under until you wonder if you’ll ever come up for air again.  But, grief is also love. My friend Allison told me yesterday, “Grief is our heart’s response to how we loved!”  Alfred Lord Tennyson was so right when he said, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”  Dive into the difficult, messy things in life.  Don’t be afraid to walk with someone else on their painstaking paths.  Take it from me.  It is more than worth it.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

Big Life Changes

February 23, 2021 /

I know that I have been MIA lately, so I decided I should give a bit of an update.  It’s been a month and a half since my last post, but for good reason.  On January 8, I published an entry which can be found HERE about my friend, Kim, who has been battling brain cancer for the last 5+ years.  Shortly after I published my post, Kim found out that she only has a short amount of time left.  The tumors are growing rapidly and unless the Lord heals her (which I believe He still can), her journey on earth will soon be over.  The news took some weeks for me to process and my husband and I jumped in to start helping her family.  I’ve devoted my writing time to her family for now, but plan to pick blogging back up more regularly soon.

In addition to major life changes for Kim, I also have some changes coming in my life.  For the last almost 6 years I have babysat full-time on top of homeschooling my children.  It’s always worked well for our family.  I have been able to stay home with my children as well as contribute financially toward our childrens’ extracurricular activities.  I’ve always said that I have the best job ever as I get to love on these sweet babies, get my “baby-fix” in, and then I send them home at night so I can sleep.  It’s a pretty good deal!  I thought it was something that I would always do.  My son even said a few years back, “Mom, I don’t think there will ever be a day when you won’t have extra babies/children in your house.”  I agreed with him whole-heartedly…until December of this past year.  

This is an older picture, but these are all of my babies! Left to right: Rian (who is now in 1st grade, but was with me from 11 months of age until he started Kindergarten), Justus (who has been with me for a year and a half and is now almost 2), Della (has been with me for 6 months and is now 14 months old), and Cadence (has been with me for 2.5 years and is almost 3).

At the beginning of December 2020, I began to feel restless.  Do you know that feeling?  I just wasn’t content and something seemed to be off.  I began asking the Lord what He was doing within me and soon I started feeling like my babysitting days were coming to an end.  It made absolutely no sense to me because the 3 little ones that I keep are like my own.  I love them with every fiber of my being and thought that I’d have them until they went to preschool or kindergarten.  Why were these days ending?

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.  ~  Proverbs 16:9

I prayed through all of December and by January, I knew that the Lord was moving me on to something else, though I had no clue what.  Meeting with the 2 families that I work for to give them the news was very difficult, but after much prayer and agonizing over the decision, I knew it was what I was supposed to do.  

At this point I will be done on March 31 unless they are able to find childcare sooner.  I am praying that these babies will find the place that is a perfect fit for them, where they will be well loved and taught about the love of Jesus just as they have been here.  I know that if I love them as much as I do, Jesus loves them even more.

I will miss these snuggles so much!

I’m still not exactly sure where my journey will take me next, but I’m starting to get some clear direction.  I’m excited about what the future holds and I know it will give me more time to blog.  I also know for sure that the Lord is leading me to a pretty big project in addition to this blog here at Don’t Wait which I will share more about as I am able.

I will be continuing to spend more time with Kim during what appears to be her last days.  Walking with a friend while they are literally in the valley of the shadow of death is a sobering experience.  It’s hard, it’s messy, but it’s exactly where I want to be.  

In the coming days, I will continue to pray for direction and seek wisdom through God’s Word.  If you believe in the power of prayer, I would love it if you would be in prayer for me.  I need continued guidance, wisdom, clarity, and focus as I walk into a whole new season of life. Also, pray that these sweet children will find new childcare that is the perfect fit for their family.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. ~ Psalm 119:105

How about you?  Do you feel a pull toward a new project in life?  Is there something that you’ve been wanting to do, but are too afraid?  Life is too short to sit and let the days pass you by.  We were not created to live in our own bubble.  Let’s reach out, share our stories, and spread the hope that we have with others. Pray and ask God for wisdom and then act on what He tells you to do.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT! 

Time Passed / Time Stolen: Alzheimer’s Awareness Month

September 10, 2020 /

But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children. ~ Psalm 103:17 

My grandmother was one of the major influencers in my life. When my first father was battling cancer, she and my grandfather would come for weeks at a time to care for my brother and me while my mom took my dad to various appointments. I would imagine that these years with her made our bond extra tight. Over the following years, I would go and spend weeks at a time with her and would love every second that I was there. I was even fortunate enough to live with my grandparents for 6 months when my husband and I were fairly newly married as we looked for a house to buy. In those 6 months, she taught me how to make curtains, chicken and dumplin’s, and her chocolate eclair cake. We would go shopping together and then she’d treat me to lunch at K&W Cafeteria. The lessons that she taught me I will carry with me to my grave. Her faith in God never wavered and her devotion to her family was like none other. I am thankful for her example and the legacy that she left behind.

I remember the day that I began to realize that there may be something going on with Granny’s memory.  She had driven with me to the park down from her house so my then 2-year-old could play for a bit.  Shortly after arriving, Granny announced, “Kendra, I have to go back home really quickly.  I think I may have left the beans cooking on the stove.”  I told her that they were probably fine, but she insisted.  Solomon and I stayed at the park while she made a quick trip back home to check the stove.  Sure enough, the beans were still cooking.  I don’t know exactly what it was, but I just got the feeling that day that there was something off.

You see, my Granny had always been a ball of energy and was constantly on top of things.  Just two years prior to this while I was pregnant, she would take me to the park to walk around the track and would tell me to “set the pace” because at almost 70 years old she could walk circles around me.  She could cook a meal for 30 people all on her own and would run everyone who offered to help out of the kitchen because she didn’t want, nor did she need, the assistance.  She could move her living room furniture around all on her own without any help because she was as strong as an ox.  She was one tough lady, but something was changing.

She came to visit in 2009 when my youngest was born. During this visit, we had to show her where her room was every night because she couldn’t remember.

In the years that followed, Granny was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease and we watched as she slowly declined.  She went through a severe bout of depression early on which led to personality changes.  She became much more timid and afraid which was so hard to see as this was just NOT “her.”  She went from strong and feisty to fearful and anxious over a period of about 5 years.  I probably noticed the change more than most because I lived 10 hours from her, so my visits were spaced much further out than the majority of her family.  Sometimes seeing someone on a regular basis can cause you not to notice changes since they are gradual and hard to see.  

New Year’s 2010 – she seemed to be the most comfortable as well as the most confident when she had a baby in her arms at this stage, probably because she had spent her life nurturing others so it was a familiar feeling.

Granny gradually began to get confused over the names and identity of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  One day she brought tiny newborn outfits to me for my 22-pound one-year-old.  She told me she had gone shopping for him and had bought him some new clothes.  It was so sad when my mom had to tell her that she had actually bought the outfits for my cousin’s baby who had just been born.  Granny’s response was, “Oh, that’s right.”  And then there was the day that she told me that she had invited her parents over for dinner.  She was so excited that they were coming because she hadn’t seen them in a long time.  Even though her parents had actually passed away years before, she had no recollection of it.  She constantly kept clothes packed in the back of their van because she was convinced that every time she left the house, Grandpa was going to take her to visit her parents.  

2011 – The visit where she brought the baby clothes.

Eventually, Granny had to be placed in a nursing home.  It took a while to find the right facility that could meet her needs, but one was finally found.  Over the next few years, Granny declined fairly rapidly.  Her physical health was actually pretty good until the very end.  On one particular visit to see her, I found her walking her usual laps around the halls.  I walked toward her and she got a HUGE smile on her face.  She said, “Well, look at this!”  She opened her arms and gave me a big hug.  She then patted my arm and kept walking.  I knew that Granny realized that I was a familiar face, but she had no idea who I was. 

I was eventually able to get her to sit down so I could share a box of Little Debbie Fudge Rounds with her.  She had always kept a drawer full of these treats for us grandchildren through the years, and they were her favorite treat, too.  She couldn’t quite figure out what to do with her Fudge Round at first, but once she got a taste of it, but scarfed it down.  True to her nature, she then shared the rest of them with me and her other grandchildren and great-grandchildren that were visiting her that day.  Though she had changed drastically, little pieces of who she was at heart would still shine through.  

  • Enjoying her Fudge Round
  • Summer of 2013

Her final months were tremendously hard to watch as Granny’s mind declined rapidly. She could no longer do basic tasks that to most are simple, and she forgot what many common objects were used for.  I once saw her use the salt packet on her tray to scoop up mashed potatoes instead of using a spoon.  When she had a lid in her hand from one of the items on her tray, she couldn’t figure out which container the lid would fit on.  She would try to put square lids on round bowls for example.  She could no longer communicate clearly and the majority of her words sounded like a toddler jabbering.  The only person she remembered until the very end was my grandfather.  She never forgot that his name was Poik which was one of the few words that she could say clearly.  My sweet grandfather visited her faithfully 2 times a day and would feed her meals to her and would sit and just hold her hand.  These are hard memories to recollect, but this is the nature of Alzheimer’s.

  • Grandpa hadn’t shaved this day, so she kept rubbing his face.
  • When she saw our faces, she clearly said, “Well, there’s grandmother and daughter.”
    Close enough!

The last time I visited Granny, I found her sitting all alone in one of the nursing home common areas.  The next 10 minutes that unfolded was one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me.  I walked over to her and bent down next to her chair.  Since she was no longer able to speak intelligible words, she began to jabber away telling me the sweetest story I’ve ever heard.  Her gaze was locked into mine and she smiled while her story went on for a few minutes.  She’d laugh, so I’d laugh with her, though I hadn’t the faintest idea what she was saying.  Once her narrative was complete, she sat quietly for a few seconds studying my face.  She reached over and touched my eye with her finger.  She gently traced the circumference, then moved down to my nose. After tracing my nose, she slowly made a circle around my lips.  She then clenched her teeth together and smiled to encourage me to mirror her.  When I smiled back, she checked my teeth to make sure I had brushed them, then she gave me a little hug.  My husband stood by during the entire exchange and took pictures that I will treasure forever.

  • She traced my eyes…
  • …nose…
  • …and mouth.
  • Then, she asked me to smile so she could check my teeth.
  • Notice her baby doll that brought her great comfort in her last months of life.

Little did I know that those precious minutes with Granny would be my last here on earth.  Two weeks later she was sitting in the same room where I had spent my final time with her when suddenly she yelled out.  The nurse looked over to find Granny had passed away.  When I got the call, all I could think was how thankful I was to have had those last minutes with her.  Though the duration of the visit was short, I felt as though she crammed a lifetime of love in.  She had taken care of me during some of the roughest seasons of my life and then during what was her roughest season, she continued to demonstrate love.  I have no idea why she was all alone that day in a normally busy room.  I don’t know where all of the other residents were.  I believe, though, that God orchestrated the day and blessed me with these final moments.

This was another reminder about how quickly life can end.  We shouldn’t put off spending time with our loved ones.  If your grandparents are still living, spend time with them!  Call them on the phone, send them a card, go visit them and take them out to lunch.  And while you’re at it, make sure you tell them how thankful you are for their influence in your life.  It may be your last time.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

A Father’s Love

August 7, 2020 /

For the first 7 years of my life, I was blessed with an exemplary father. He loved Jesus with all of his heart and it showed in all that he did. Some of my earliest memories of him are of all the hours that he would spend studying God’s Word. He would sit with his Bible open, pen in hand, as he would jot down note after note about what he was reading that day.

1979 – Taken right around the time Dad was diagnosed with melanoma.

As he put the time into learning more and more about Jesus, Christ’s love poured out of my father. He was an Education Specialist at a medium-security Federal prison in our town and he openly shared the hope that he had found with the inmates that he came into contact with. Not only did he talk about his faith to the men he had in the classes that he taught, but he also had a prison ministry where he led a Bible study one night a week for the prisoners right there at the facility. And then every Sunday morning he would pick up a car full of inmates and would take them to church with us. My father reached out to “the least of these” just as Jesus told the righteous to do in Matthew 25:35-38.

35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

My dad was also great at modeling Christ’s love for our family. I never saw him angry or impatient. On the contrary, he was always loving, gentle, and kind. When he came in from work every day, we would eat dinner, and then the rest of his evening was devoted to us. We would take family bike rides or perhaps play a game such as UNO. If work had to be done, we’d do it together. We could often be found doing yard work together (I was a pro at pulling weeds by the age of 5) and if dad was in the garage building something, I was right beside him with my own tool belt, hammer, nails, and piece of wood.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. ~Ephesians 6:4

During the times that my brother and I needed correction, dad would not scream or talk down to us. Instead, he would get down to our level on one knee and would talk softly to us. We never felt shamed or unloved through his discipline. You see, my dad loved God first with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength and as a result, he was able to love us the way Jesus did. He demonstrated well for me the way in which God my Father loves me.

When I was 3 years old and Dad was just 33, he was diagnosed with cancer. A mole that had been removed on his hand showed back up 6 months later, shortly followed by a tumor on his elbow. Throughout Dad’s entire illness, his study time with Jesus continued. The fruit of that was supernatural strength to face gut-wrenching days. My mom has often told me the story of the day they received the news that the cancer had spread to his liver. There was nothing more that the doctor could do, so as you can imagine, the devastating news could have destroyed them both. They had an hour and a half drive back home after receiving the news, and she said the entire drive was filled with laughter. They weren’t distraught, fearful, or hopeless, but were actually the opposite. The only explanation is that God’s joy and peace were at work that day.

Near the end of my dad’s life, his pain began to increase. His doctor called in a prescription for Dilaudid, which is a high powered opioid pain medication. After having to drive to 3 pharmacies before finding one that had it in stock, my mom gave my dad his first dose. The medication knocked him out for several hours and when he woke up, he did not like the way he felt. This is where God’s unbelievable strength once again came into play. He told my mom to get rid of the medication because he never wanted to take another pill. He told her that he did not want to live his remaining days groggy and sleeping, so he would just do without. His desire was to spend as many days as possible with my mom, brother, and me with a clear mind no matter how bad the pain got.

My dad NEVER took another pain pill after that day. I didn’t go into our den very many times where his hospital bed was during those last days, but I remember at one point seeing how far the cancer had spread. He had blue knots all under the surface of his skin under his arms as well as protruding tumors all over his head and back. He was completely eaten up with cancer. I know this is detailed and a bit hard to read, but I simply want to paint a clear picture of the way my father was able to love us until the very end. I don’t think there is any denying that the only way Dad was able to do that was because of God’s strength. I don’t know that it would have been humanly possible without it.

Let me make it clear that I in no way think that pain meds are bad. They are very necessary and needed typically. I am simply sharing the way God taught me about love. I have never in my life wondered if my dad loved us. From my very first memory of him until my very last, I knew his love for us ran DEEP. He demonstrated this by putting others (us) above himself. My dad sacrificed his comfort in order to spend every possible moment with us until Jesus took him home.

A few months ago, I was reading in the book of Mark and came across a verse about another Man who did something very similar.

“And they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it.” ~ Mark 15:23

I had read this passage about the final day of Jesus’ life numerous times before, but I had never noticed this.  As I began to research “wine mixed with myrrh,” I learned that when a person was crucified, they were offered this concoction which had a numbing effect.  It was used to lessen the pain of the process, making it a bit more bearable.  But, notice what this verse says.  “…he did not take it.”   My Savior did not take it.  He did that for me.  And He did it for YOU.  He loved us so much that He wanted to experience the full brunt of our sins as He hung on the cross.  He didn’t want the pain lessened.  He wanted to feel every whip, every thorn, every sword, and every nail as He was beaten and bruised and sacrificed His life for us. 

These are the things that a father’s love will do. Our Heavenly Father bore the full weight of God’s wrath in exchange for our salvation with nothing to dull the pain. And as an earthly father spends time with Jesus, he will become more and more like Him. As a result, He will live his life in a way that will teach his children exactly who God is. They will recognize that God is a God of love and compassion, not a God filled with wrath and fury. He will not provoke his child to anger but will discipline in love. He will demonstrate for his children how to reach out to the “least of these” just as Jesus instructs us to do. And he will make sacrifices that are beyond human comprehension all because of the strength that only God can give. Even his death will glorify God. Please notice that I said that it was God’s strength that enabled my father to live the life that he lived. It was not of his own strength.

I pray that you will not wait to spend time daily with our Lord.  Living a life that glorifies Him is impossible without studying His life.  Take the time to examine and understand every word that He has given us.  Ask Him to help you to love Him first so that you can love others the way that He does.  You can’t do it without Him.  Take the time now and ask Him for his help. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

25 Years of Friendship and Counting

April 15, 2020 /
2001

Do you have a friend or friends that you can really confide in?  Someone that you know will not repeat the things that you tell them?  I believe that everyone needs at least one such person. We need someone who will listen, speak into our lives, and pray for us.  God has surrounded me with an amazing group of women that I am blessed to call friends. I can actually look at each one and can tell exactly how God uses her in my life.  Some can call me out when needed because they aren’t afraid to speak truth into my life. Some are problem solvers and can help me figure certain issues out. Some are good listeners and will just let me talk while I process through life.  Some can make me laugh until my sides hurt and forget for a brief period of time that life can be tough. And some support me and pray for me while protecting my innermost thoughts without any judgment. In this post, I am featuring 2 such friends.  Let me give you a little backstory first.

In 1995, my husband of only a year was transferred to a new town in Virginia.  He had completed a two year program with his employer and was sent to a new location as a supervisor at a manufacturing plant.  I loved our new home and was ecstatic to be living in a town where my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived. This was the first time I had ever lived near that side of my family, so I was beyond thrilled.  The move was exciting until about 6 months in when I started to feel really lonely. Every time I’ve ever moved, the 6 month mark is always the hardest. That’s about the time that the excitement of a new place starts to wear off and I begin to need friends.  I’m the type of person that needs at least a few deep relationships in my life. I need girlfriends that I can call and chat with or that I can meet for lunch. I need girls that I can share my life with, bounce ideas off of, and who will support me in prayer when needed.  I began to pray and ask God for a close friend. He answered that prayer in a pretty cool way.

I first met Paula at church and we hit it off instantly.  She was enjoyable and easy to talk to and get to know. She was single, so she had free time in the evenings and weekends to hang out.  We would spend many hours on the phone just talking about whatever came to mind.  

Shortly after meeting Paula, I met Amy.  Amy was a bit more on the quiet and serious side (at least at first), but was also easy to talk to and always seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say.  I actually remember exactly where I was when I met her because she made such a big impression on me. She was married to Tim who got along well with my husband and they were an incredibly fun couple to hang out with. Many of our Friday or Saturday nights (and other nights in between) were spent hanging out and laughing with them along with Paula and her younger brother (he would always come along so that she didn’t feel like the fifth wheel).  By the middle of 1996, I realized that God had answered my prayer for a close friend by not only giving me Paula but by giving me Amy, also.

Paula’s wedding day

We were fortunate to attend a church with several other young couples (many who were not yet married but were dating or engaged) and there eventually was a whole core group of us who got close quickly.  We shared many life experiences with them all. Paula met her husband and got married. All of the other couples got engaged and married and soon we were all starting our families. We went to bridal showers, baby showers, Christmas parties, and birthday parties.  We were in a great place in life surrounded by a solid group of friends. In 2001, though, we knew that God was moving us to a new place. We said goodbye to our friends and moved on to our next step in our journey.

Over the years, we have stayed in touch with Paula and Craig, Amy and TIm, and all of our other friends from church.  We try to have a reunion with them every few years and can always pick up right where we left off. My relationship with Paula and Amy, though, has remained much deeper. The three of us have a text thread that is used just about every day.  We know the ins and outs of each other’s lives, from the trivial things in life to the dark, heavy things. These girls have celebrated victories with me and have walked through some extremely hard times with me. Everyone needs a Paula and/or Amy in their life.  Let me share a few things that I have learned from my 25 year friendship with Paula and Amy.

Left photo: The girls at a reunion in 2013
Middle photo: The guys in 2013
Right photo: The girls in 2018

We must be selective in whom we let speak into our lives.  Both Paula’s and Amy’s faith runs deep, so I know that any advice I get from them is sound advice. Sharing our deepest secrets with people who are negative or who will not point us to Truth can be very damaging.  

We must be careful with whom we share the intimate details of our lives.  I know for certain that whatever I tell Paula and Amy will go no further. I can trust them with anything that I tell them.  I do not worry about them gossiping or sharing things I’ve told them with others. I know that many of the things that I tell them will go with them to their grave.  THAT is a true friend.

We need friends who will pray for us.  Prayer definitely changes things. On my rough days, I can send a text to Paula and Amy and I know they will pray for me.  In the matter of no time, I can feel their prayers because God hears us and just wants us to ask for help.

This next point I feel very strongly about.  We must have friends who show grace and not judgement, especially as we share details about our husbands and children.  Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  If I am blabbing my mouth about Earl and my children when I am frustrated with them (and oftentimes I am the one who needs the heart change, not them), they will no longer trust me and I will definitely not be doing them good.  I know that no matter what, Paula and Amy will love Earl and my kids and their view of them will not change. I would advise you, too, to be very choosy in whom you discuss your marriage and children with. Our goal should never be to smear our spouse’s and children’s name in the mud, but instead to seek Godly counsel while protecting their integrity.

Paula and Amy, I am so, so thankful for your friendship.  It’s such a joy to share in the successes and struggles of your lives.  I love watching you both grow and having a sounding board as our children are approaching adulthood.  I look forward to the coming years as we navigate the next phases of life. It gives me peace to know our friendship will last a lifetime. 

Dear readers, this life is hard!   If you already have a friend like Paula and Amy, be sure to tell them how much their friendship means!  Remember, life is short. Don’t Wait!!! Then, head to my FACEBOOK page and tell us about your friend. Or leave a comment on this blog.   We need others to walk alongside us and encourage us, just as God instructs. If you don’t have a close friend(s) that you can trust, God knows exactly who you need.  Pray for Him to send the right person along and whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

How “Don’t Wait” Came To Be

February 17, 2020 /

I decided to go in a different direction this week and step away from life influencers for a week or so.  I’ve been wanting to share the story of how this all came about since it has been a grueling process at times and not something I’m walking into lightly, so here we go.

Starting this blog did not come easily.  It wasn’t a decision that I came to quickly, but instead, I have wrestled and wrestled with this idea for several years.  I’ve known for quite some time that God was preparing me for something. I didn’t know what, I just knew that there was something He was calling me to do.  Through several years of prayer, He began giving me the desire to allow Him to use all of my life experiences: losses I’ve suffered, the depression and anxiety that I’ve lived with, the 20+ years of mothering, all of my years of homeschooling, raising a child with extreme anxiety, raising teenagers, my 25+ year marriage, and the grace of God that has gotten me through these and many other situations in life.  There are 6 Bible passages and 2 and a half years of time that God used to place the desire to start Don’t Wait within me.

The bulletin board that faces me every morning as I read my Bible and write posts.

I had toyed with the idea of starting a blog or writing a book for several years, but fear held me back.  Who would care to read? Why would anyone want to read what I have to say? Over the course of a few years, God laid out 6 verses to confirm that this is the path I was to take.   Below are the verses He gave me in the order I received them.

“But Moses said to God, ‘Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?’ He said, ‘But I will be with you.'” Exodus 3:11-12

I came across this verse 2 and a half years ago and it jumped out at me. These are the words Moses spoke when the Lord told him that he was chosen to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt.  Moses was asking why God had chosen him? Who would really believe anything that he said? This was exactly how I felt. I knew God was calling me to do this, but why? Why me? Who was I that God would call me to do something for Him?  I am no one special. What would I even say? I am far from being anything like Moses, but I related deeply to what he said. I read further and came upon the next verse.

“But Moses said to the Lord, ‘Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.’  Then the Lord said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.’ ” Exodus 4:10-12

Wow.  This was exactly what I was saying to God.  I am NOT eloquent and am definitely not a great speaker nor a great writer.  Yet, look at what God was saying. Who made my mouth? Who made me the way that I am?  He did. I knew He was telling me that I could do this because He would be with me and would give me the words to say.  

Simultaneously to finding these verses, I began noticing something that I’ve discussed quite a bit in my first 6 posts.  When people pass away, their friends and family members come out in droves to pay their condolences, but the person never hears what is said about them.  They don’t see the number of lives they touched. It is too late. They are gone. I knew that I did not want another person that has influenced me to leave this earth without knowing how I feel.  And then in August of 2017, the idea of “Don’t Wait until they’re gone” was born.  The ideas started coming and a fire was lit under me. I continuously journaled and prayed as God continued to speak.

Unfortunately, fear and the weight of life began extinguishing the flames and over time I let fear win.  I continued on with the busyness of life and pushed the idea of starting a blog to the back corner of my mind.  I thought of it frequently but continuously came up with excuses as to why I was not a good candidate for this task.  

Fast forward to Spring of ‘19 when I came across 1 John 2:15-17.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life – is not from the Father but is from the world.  And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.“

Talk about a wake-up call!  I had let fear (which came from pride) control me.  I was more worried about what others would think than following the will God had shown me for my life.  I had prayed throughout the entire process that He would use me, but I had stipulations. “Lord, you can use me this way and that way, but NOT THAT way,” even though He had shown me clearly what I was to do.  1 John 2 inspired me to begin getting my ideas back together and praying once again for God to use me however He wants. And this time I meant it. I’m not going to lie. The fear was still there. Putting yourself out there is a scary, vulnerable place to be.  I do not like to be in the spotlight, but God has more for me than sitting in my little corner of the world and simply existing. And He’s been stretching me the last few years and taking me out of my comfort zone through several avenues.

As I walk this road, I have to be sure that I am constantly in God’s Word.  If He is going to give me the words to say, I have to be listening. He reminded me through Joshua 1:7-8 just how important this is.

“Only be strong and courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you.  Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.“

This was yet another verse that spoke volumes to me.  I must look to Him constantly. I can’t look to the right or to the left, even when fear creeps in.  And I must think of His Word day and night so that I am careful to do all that He has commanded me to do.  

As I started moving forward towards the launch, I began praying about the specific direction I was to take.  I didn’t want to limit myself to only reaching out to life influencers even though that is a VERY important piece to all of this.  I desired to do even more. I began seeing that everything that God had taught me could go under the umbrella of “Don’t Wait.” He confirmed this through the next verse.

“yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”  James 4:14

My reminder for our family in the front room of our house.

We don’t have time to wait because we are here for such a short period of time.  This verse, like all of the others, grabbed me and I knew for sure that “Don’t Wait” was to be the name of whatever this is that I’m doing.  To be honest, I’m still not sure where this is all going. Will this remain just a blog? What else does God have planned? I have no clue how many people will be reached.  Maybe just a handful. Maybe more. But, the one thing I do know is I will continue to follow God as He leads me.

The fear is still there. It crept back in from September through December of 2019.  What will my pastor friends think of this? Will they judge me? Will they think this is ridiculous?  What if people laugh behind my back? What if I put something out there that I regret? Once it’s out there, I can’t get it back.  What if I misinterpret verses in the Bible and I lead people to believe the wrong ideas? What if I post something that I’m chastised for?  Can I handle that? I’m just being honest. The fear has been real and at times paralyzing. God once again used His Word to get my attention.

“But life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus – the work of telling others the Good News about God’s mighty kindness and love.”  Acts 20:24 TLB

This was another eye-opener and is exactly where my heart lies.  If I nestle myself in my comfy little bubble and don’t do the work assigned to me by Jesus and if I neglect telling people about God’s love, my life is WORTHLESS.  It will be for nothing. I don’t want that to be the case. I long for people to experience the peace and goodness of God that I’ve experienced in my life. He’s all you need.  We all have a place in us that can only be filled by Him and Him alone. We often try to fill that with money, power, earthly treasures, alcohol, or any number of things. But, these will never fill that emptiness.  I can no longer sit back – I have to speak out. I’m sure people will criticize. I’m sure they’ll have negative opinions on things that I write. Some will disagree and may be very vocal about it. I recognize that I am not the greatest writer and am not a super dynamic person.  But, God has instructed me to do this and I will be obedient. I’m sure fear will continue to creep in, but I will keep my eyes on Him. I will not look to the right or to the left. If even one life is touched and brought to salvation, it will all be worth it.  

If you have never experienced this peace that I speak of, don’t wait!  Reach out to me on FACEBOOK or through email ( found on my Contact page) and I can walk you through how to grab onto this tranquility that only God can bring.  Or if you feel called to do something new, DO IT! Remember, we are a mist that will appear for a short time and then we’ll vanish.  Don’t keep sitting in your fear. Life is too short. Reach out and fulfill your calling, no matter your stage of life. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!  

The “Don’t Wait Until They’re Gone” Challenge

January 13, 2020 /

You’ve now had an entire week to work on the list of people who have impacted your life.  I’m very curious about your experience as you have reminisced over the previous years. As I made my list back in 2017 when God first gave me this idea, it was so much fun, yet emotional, to look back over my lifespan and remember all of the people who have helped shape me into who I am today.

Now, here is the Challenge:  Over the next several months, we are going to contact each person on our lists and show them honor by letting them know how they have influenced our lives.  It’s best not to rush this process. Contacting every person this week won’t allow ample time and energy to be put into each person. Furthermore, doing things too quickly may cause burn out and could hinder us from following through.  Instead, let’s reach out to one person per week. Give them a call, send them a card, make them a video, mail them a handwritten letter, take them out for coffee or lunch, have flowers delivered with a thank you card, bake them cookies,…get creative!  And give them specifics. Don’t just tell them that they have impacted your life. Explain HOW they have done so.  As you follow through with this, remember, we are looking outside of ourselves which means this may be uncomfortable at first and it may not conveniently fit into our normal schedules.  I will be participating in this by featuring one person a week in my posts. I plan at this point to post on Mondays until I get into a good rhythm, but I’m hoping to soon increase that to 2-3 times a week.

Here is the second part of the challenge that I hope you will all do. After contacting whomever you choose for the week, head over to the Don’t Wait Facebook page, which can be found right HERE, and fill us (the Don’t Wait Facebook community) in.  Let us know who you contacted and how you chose to do so.  Share as little or as much information with us as you are comfortable with.  And feel free to let us know how your interaction went. It will be so rewarding for each of us to share the responses that we receive.  

I’d love to see this catch on.  Share this challenge with your friends and family.  Let’s reach outside of ourselves and stop focusing on our own lives.  Our society has been taken over by technology which enables us to keep human contact to a minimum as we sit in our comfortable bubbles.  But, we were created for community! So, let’s change that around and encourage people instead. Let’s get our faces out of our screens, interact with these influential people in our lives, and show them love and honor.  

 I am excited to hear your stories.  Remember, contact your first person this week and then let us know how it goes on our Facebook page.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT until they’re gone!

Our Journey Begins

January 6, 2020 /

I have experienced a great deal of loss in my 43 years of life.  I lost my dad when I was 7 years old to cancer, my boyfriend of 2.5 years in high school committed suicide, my stepfather died suddenly in 2008, my mother-in-law (whom I was extremely close to) passed away in 2012 just 7 months after being diagnosed with glioblastoma.  I could continue with this list, but I’ll stop there. I don’t say any of this for your sympathy as these seasons of life have made me who I am today. Instead, I tell you because I have made an interesting observation during each of these losses.

When a friend or loved one passes away, it’s human nature to begin reminiscing about all of the memories that we have of the person.  Beautiful eulogies are written, comforting stories are shared with the family, and accolades are given for a life well-lived. We find comfort in these retrospections.  This is part of our grieving process. But, it’s not just family or close friends who come forward to share their fond remembrances. People come out of the woodwork to contribute to this celebration of life.

The saddest part of this is the person that is being applauded will never hear a word that has been spoken.  Why do we wait until they’re gone? When my first dad died, my mom said that the funeral home called her to tell her that they had received so many flowers that they had absolutely no more room for another arrangement.  While this was comforting for my mom, my dad was never able to see the impact that he had during his short 37 years of life. At my high school boyfriend’s funeral, I remember our church being relatively full. I have wondered if he had known how many people were supporting him, would he have taken his life? At my second dad’s visitation (or wake, depending on which part of the country you live), we stood for 3 hours while a steady stream of friends and family filed through to offer their condolences.  His funeral procession was so long that I remember turning around in my seat in the car to see the end of the line but to no avail. All I could think was, “Oh how I wish he could see how many people loved him.”

Both of my dads were Christ-followers, so I know that they both received their greatest rewards when they departed this life.  There is nothing that anyone could have said to them on earth that could compare to being in the presence of Jesus. But, in the Book of Proverbs, Solomon reminds us of the life that our words can bring to others as well as to ourselves.  

Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
~ Proverbs 16:24

Our words can bring life and healing to others!  In my last post, I mentioned looking outside of ourselves, so let me give you the first step that we’ll take to do that.

At this point, you will need a pen and some paper.  Think back over your life, as far back as you can. Who are the people that have made a difference in your life?  Who has spoken words that brought healing?  Who has poured into your life?  Who helped shape you into the person you are? Who are the friends that love you simply for who you are?  Who has shown you grace during your lifetime? Who has loved you unconditionally? Who has spoken truth into your life when you needed to hear it?  

Now, apply these questions to your present life also.   Who makes a difference in your life daily, speaks words of healing, pours into your life, helps shape you into the person you are becoming, loves you simply for who you are, shows you grace, loves you unconditionally, and speaks truth into your life?

Write down every name from your past and present. Take the time to really sit and think; someplace quiet is probably best.  If your house is noisy, slip away into a quiet room and begin looking over your life.  Or wait until your children are asleep. You could even treat yourself to coffee and use a secluded corner in your local coffee shop.  Do whatever it takes to work on your list. I’ll give you a few days to finish this task until we take the next step.

I hope you will take the first step in this journey that God has led me on and I continue to walk.  Don’t Wait!

Sticky post

New Year, New Perspective

January 1, 2020 /

As you are standing on the brink of not only a new year, but a whole new decade, you have a blank slate in front of you.  So, what are you going to do with it? 

Life is short.  James actually refers to our life as a mist! We’ll appear for a little time and then we’ll vanish (James 4:14).  For some of you, that may seem depressing. Someone once told my husband, “Life is a series of disappointments, and then you die.”  I think many people view life in that manner. I also think we all know that the way we view life greatly affects the way we live it.  It’s time to get out of the rut that you’re stuck in. It’s time to stop simply existing. Let’s work together to change our perspective.

Take the time to discover what/who you were created to be.  How are you wired? What are your gifts? What is your purpose here on earth?  Is it merely to live a humdrum life day after day after day? Get up, go to work, complain about the day, come home, eat dinner, sit on the couch, go to bed, and then start over.  I hardly think so.  

The purpose of this blog will be to encourage you to stop waiting.  Don’t wait to discover your purpose. Don’t wait to tell your loved ones how you feel.  Don’t wait to spend time with your friends and family. Don’t wait to reach out to help others.  Make the most of your days. Dig deeper in your faith. Live a life full of love for others. Love God first and then reach outside of yourself and make a difference.

Let’s all vow to stop looking inward and change to an outward focus, not just because it’s a new year, but because that’s what life is all about.  This will be a lifestyle change for many of you, a complete change in perspective. Will you join me on this life changing journey? I sure hope you will and I hope that you Don’t Wait!

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