Tag: bitterness

In my last post found HERE, we looked at Colossians 3:12 where we are told to put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience just as Jesus did. This is especially vital during this day and age where there is such division in our country. Today we will move on and look at Colossians 3:13 and the necessity of forgiveness.

“…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Unforgiveness is something that I battled for ages. If someone offended me or treated me unfairly, I would hold onto the hurt and live as a victim. I kept myself in bondage unnecessarily, but thankfully the Lord wanted me to be free from this. He has had to work in me over the years and I’ve found that the journey of correction is often tough. I’d love to share the story of one such lesson that he taught me many years ago.

Several years ago, my husband worked for an organization that was Christian based. Our entire family was heavily involved in his work and much of our social circle was comprised of people involved in this particular organization. His job was our life. Unfortunately, things went sour and my husband was let go. It was determined that he was not a good fit for the position. After a few days, the shock wore off and bitterness and anger began creeping in.

How could this happen to our family? This decision did not just affect my husband. It affected our entire family. We had to give up friendships and a huge part of our lives. We had put so much time and energy in and sacrificed countless hours, only to be let go.

My reaction in this situation was anything but Christlike. I distanced myself from all Christians and “took a break” from church. I stewed in my resentment for several months but hated the way I felt. I began asking the Lord to help me to forgive because I was tired of feeling heavy and angry. I slowly began going back to church and on one particular Sunday, our pastor spoke on forgiveness. I was to the point in the process that I couldn’t even figure out how to move forward. I felt stuck. During the sermon, I began to realize what I needed to do.

The next day, I contacted the leader of the organization as well as a few others and we met for a chat. The only agenda for the meeting was for me to apologize for the way I handled things. I wasn’t there to point fingers or rehash any of the details. I was simply there with a repentant heart to confess my wrongdoing and to ask for forgiveness for my attitude. To be honest, they didn’t even know that I had held onto things as long as I had. Yet, I knew that I had to apologize.

That night, the Lord completely healed my heart. The hurt and bitterness were gone and I was able to look at the situation with a completely different perspective. I knew that the leader of this organization as well as everyone else involved (including us) were humans. We’re all broken people and none of us are perfect. The situation was two-sided and both sides no doubt contributed to the issue. We all learned valuable lessons from the situation as a whole and God has brought restoration to the relationships. As a matter of fact, I ran into a few of them within the last year and was able to hug them with genuine love and talk to them without one ounce of ill feelings.

Have any of you ever struggled with this? Is there anyone in your life that you need to forgive? How easy it is to get our feelings hurt and hold onto the grievances that we feel. We get upset when our Facebook friends don’t agree with us and then we hang onto our negative feelings. Or if receive hate just because of the color of our skin (and I am talking to all races here), we let that fester and influence our relationships. But, we are called to forgive!

St. Augustine said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” 9 times out of 10 when you are carrying around bitterness, anger, and resentment, the other person has gone on living their life without a thought of you. Carrying this baggage around hurts no one except you. When my husband was let go of his job, I put myself in prison. His employer went on living while I sat feeling sorry for my husband and our family. That was so much time wasted!

We are often so quick to judge others without looking at ourselves first and realizing that we are no better. Nor do we look at the consequences of our judgment. Jesus gave us a clear illustration of this in Matthew 7:1-5. The first 2 verses say this:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

These verses get me every time I read them. The way I judge others is the way I will be judged. I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to be judged harshly. If I want to be shown mercy, I must first show mercy to others. I remind my children all the time that when someone lashes out at them it’s important to look at the entire situation. More than likely, the person who has hurt them has been hurt by someone else. Or maybe they have reacted out of fear. It’s easy to see that the social unrest and division that our country is experiencing stems largely from fear and pain. Many are terrified of COVID, so they are angry when they see people unmasked or not following guidelines. There are those who have been hurt by other races, so they are projecting their pain onto others. And then there are individuals who are anxious about the upcoming election results. They can’t understand why anyone would be a Trump or Biden supporter. They are terrified of the direction our country is heading, so they loudly voice their opinions. Grace should be shown in each of these situations.

And then Jesus uses a hyperbole to further drive home His point:

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

The first time I read these verses I was somewhere around middle school age. I remember how strongly these words affected me. Could Jesus have made this any clearer? It’s easy to look at the little speck in the eyes of those around us without looking at ourselves first. Just a quick glance at ourselves will allow us to see the large, splintery plank hanging out of our own eye. So, we have a choice. We can judge others and let bitterness and resentment consume us in our day to day interactions, or we can offer unmerited grace just as Jesus offers to each of us and forgive those who have wronged us (or those with whom we do not agree).

Colossians 3:14, the last verse of the passage that this 2 part post began with, ties all of this up beautifully.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Christ’s love is what will bind all of us together, no matter our differences. Without love, we cannot exhibit compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience which were discussed in my previous post. And without love, we cannot forgive.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

It’s easy to see that the qualities of love are the opposite of unforgiveness. We need to be patient and kind to each other, even when we disagree. Let’s work to honor others and put them above ourselves even when they hurt us. Fight against being easily angered and resist keeping a record of wrongs even when we feel our family has been treated unjustly. Instead, let’s make every effort to protect each other and persevere through our differences and disagreements. It’s what Jesus calls us to do. And always remember, DON’T WAIT!