Don't Wait

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Tag: cancer

Kim Vaillancourt – Life Influencer #7

January 8, 2021 /
Picture Credit: Sarah Bridgeman

It was December 26, 2015 when my phone rang.  It was one of my closest friends calling, but I was in the middle of something with my children, so I didn’t answer it.  “I’ll call Kim back a bit later,” I thought.  Within a few minutes, my phone rang again.  This time it was another close friend.  I had this nagging feeling that something was wrong.  

“Kendra?” my friend said.  “I just got a call from Phil.  Kim is very sick and is going in tomorrow for brain surgery.  It looks like she has 2 tumors.”  

My mind reeled as I tried to make sense of this news.  I had just seen Kim 3 days before at Red Robin.  She and her husband, Phil, had just adopted 3 sisters out of the foster care system and had gone out for a celebratory meal with their families at the conclusion of their court appearance.  I just happened to be there with my family and spotted them from across the restaurant.  When I walked over to say congratulations, she had looked so good, so healthy!  She was beaming because the adoption was final at long last.  I had been with her the day the caseworker called to let her know that the official court date had been set and I had seen her excitement.  It had been a long road and she was thrilled that the 3 girls were going to finally, officially be part of their family.  

Adoption Day – Photo Credit: Kristin Eisenhauer

When I hung up the phone, I sat and reflected over the past few months.  There were definitely days when Kim didn’t feel well, but she had found out that she was pregnant 3-4 months before, so that made sense.  She had been very worn down and just generally didn’t feel well.  We had planned to run our local YMCA’s Turkey Trot together that year, but she had to back out.  I didn’t think anything of that, though.  She was a busy momma with 5 children ages 6, 7, 10, 11, and 12 who was in her first trimester of pregnancy.  Of COURSE she didn’t feel well!  It only made sense.

On the day that I saw her at Red Robin, Kim remembers being there with her family, eating lunch, and then leaving.  She even remembers seeing me, but all memory after that is gone.  I believe she told me that the next memory she has is several weeks after that day.  Within a day or so, she became very sick and began to throw up.  This continued through Christmas Day, so she decided for the sake of the little one that she was carrying inside of her to head to the ER.  

My husband and I went to the hospital to see Kim the night of her surgery.  When I walked in and saw her laying with a partially shaved head and hooked up to IVs and other wires, nothing made sense.  This was my healthiest friend.  She ate all of the right foods, took every vitamin and supplement that her body needed, and was in amazing shape. She didn’t even have a microwave in her house nor did she use her cell phone very often because of the possible radiation that both of these could emit.  

As I held her hand to pray for her, the peaceful look on her face never faded.  She was still under the effects of anesthesia, so she had no clue I was even there.  I knew that her serene countenance was because of the peace that only God can give.  

The biopsy revealed that Kim had 2 different types of tumors – one on her brainstem (glioblastoma) and one on her left frontal lobe (gliosarcoma which is a subtype of glioblastoma).  Both of these tumors are extremely aggressive and Kim’s case was especially surprising because having these 2 different types of tumors together is extremely rare.  To complicate things even further, Kim was pregnant, so there was not just one life to consider, there were 2.

Kim and Phil at the beginning of her journey with her amazingly supportive family – Her parents, Dan and Peg, and her three sisters, Kristin, Meghan, and Renee.

My husband and I had watched my mother-in-law battle this same monster just 3 years before, so we knew what kind of fight Kim was about to begin.  Steroids, chemo pills, radiation…glioblastoma is a nasty beast.  But, Kim chose to put off treatment in order to protect her baby.  My mother-in-law made it 7.5 months after her diagnosis and that was with treatment.  Delaying the regimen for someone in Kim’s situation would no doubt be a mistake when looking with a carnal mind.  But, Kim chose to view her life through a spiritual lens.  She chose to live out one of her absolute favorite verses.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.  ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

This is exactly how Kim lived her life from Dec. 27, 2015 through April 8, 2016.  Every two weeks she went in for scans and repeatedly heard, “You have yet another clean scan!” from her doctor at Roswell Park Cancer Institute.  We all sat back and watched in awe as Kim recuperated from her surgery (which was a very tough recovery) and then lived a miracle right out in front of all of us to see.  The Lord kept her strong, stunted the growth of the tumors which resulted in headache-free days, and gave baby Wyatt ample time to grow.

Kim’s 2 oldest children with my 3 youngest declaring to Facebookland that she had yet another clean scan.

One morning in early April, my phone rang.  “Kendra?”  It was Phil.  “I have to take Kim to the hospital.  Can I drop some of the kids off with you?”  My heart sank.  What was going on???  Phil could tell from the way I was fumbling over my words that I was confused.  He let out a chuckle and said, “Oh, Kim’s fine.  We’re pretty sure her water broke.”  I breathed a huge sigh of relief, yet said a quick prayer because the baby was not due to arrive for several more weeks.

After a few long days of labor, baby Wyatt Eli (meaning “little warrior sent by God”) was born.  At just 34 weeks, he arrived weighing in at 4 pounds and 7 ounces.  He spent a week in the NICU and then was sent home with his family.  The little guy had lived up to his name.  He had survived his mother’s extremely dangerous surgery in utero and then had fought for 3.5 more months while he continued to grow.

Wyatt Eli

Kim had trusted in the Lord with all of her heart even though things didn’t make sense.  In turn, He made her path straight as He strengthened her day after day and kept the tumors from growing.  

There were some folks who didn’t understand Kim’s choice to choose life for Wyatt.  When her story first broke on our local news, it quickly went viral. The AP News, Daily Mail, people.com, CBS News, FOX News, ABC News, Yahoo, The Today Show, Cosmopolitan, God Vine, The  National Post, Popsugar, heavy.com, and many other national websites picked up her story.  We had to tell her not to read any of the comments on each of these sites as people can be mighty cruel while hiding behind their computer screens. One comment that has stuck with me said something like,  “Why would this mother make such an awful choice?  What about her other 5 children?  They deserve to have their mother around.  Why would she choose ONE child over the other five?”  

Fortunately, these people are only a small part of the story.  Kim began to receive support from all of the U.S. as gifts began to pour in.  Money, food, diapers, baby gifts, etc. arrived every day.  I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen so many boxes of diapers and what a blessing that was.  The best gift Kim received was from God Himself.  She was given an amazing platform to share her faith with thousands of people.  The naysayers were able to watch as God blessed Kim’s efforts to save Wyatt by giving her a reprieve as her baby developed and grew.

Just a few short weeks after Wyatt was born, though, a scan showed that one of the tumors was back.  I think we all felt the wind leave our sails upon hearing the news.  But, true to Kim’s character, she jumped back in the ring and continued to fight.

I am happy to report that 5 years later (we just passed the 5th anniversary a little over a week ago), my friend is still here.  The only explanation I have is that she is an absolute miracle.  She was told in the beginning that she would probably die within a year.  Glioblastoma as well as Gliosarcoma usually have a very grim prognosis.  But, we know that, as thankful as we are for the medical community, they don’t have the final say so.  God saw fit to give Kim 5 times (and counting) the number of years she was expected to live.  

Extra time with Kim has meant many double dates with our husbands.
The night of another double date
This night we ate outside at Panera. We sat so long laughing and talking that the restaurant closed. A bad thunderstorm came rolling in, so we were stuck under the overhang out in front. I cherish these memories!

This brings me to the reason that Kim is a life influencer for me.  These last five years have been a roller coaster.  More surgeries, chemo, radiation, gamma knife treatments, steroids, headaches, light sensitivity, days on end in bed, mini-strokes, many types of pills, hospital stays…this list could go on for a mile.  Yet, I’ve never once seen her faith shaken.  She has the kind of faith that I seek to have.  She challenges me to continue to trust the Lord with all my heart, no matter where life takes me.  I pray that if I am ever given news like Kim was on that fateful day in December of ‘15 that I will not even attempt to lean on my own understanding.  My desire is to forever acknowledge Him in all my ways and remember that His ways are higher than mine.  Kim lives every day with an eternal perspective as she always tells me, “I’m just waiting for God to tell me where to go next.”

I don’t know what is going to happen to Kim.  There is no cure for these tumors, so without a complete miracle, she will not be here with us forever.  But, she is ok with that, so I have to be, too.  I have heard it said that complete trust in God is trusting Him for the healing of every ailment here on earth.  But, I disagree.  Complete trust means turning our lives over and saying, “Lord, whatever you have for me, I’m ok with it.  No matter where you take me or how hard the road gets, I will trust you.  Use me for your glory.”  Kim has done just that.  On her toughest days, she still declares, “God is good.”

She has this peace because she knows of the eternal reward she has waiting for her.  She recognizes that this life is not the end-all.  If we believe in Jesus Christ and accept the gift that he has given us, then we are citizens of heaven, not of this earth (which I have no doubt stated many times in other posts).

I pray you have been as touched and challenged by Kim’s life as I have been.  With all that is going on in our world, we should strive to have the kind of faith that she has.  It’s the only way we are going to make it through life with peace.  Ask the Lord to help you to keep an eternal perspective daily.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

I had to close with a recent picture of Wyatt. He has added SO MUCH JOY to the Vaillancourt’s lives during some really dark days. He keeps the entire family laughing! (Photo credit: Hailey Vaillancourt)

A Father’s Love

August 7, 2020 /

For the first 7 years of my life, I was blessed with an exemplary father. He loved Jesus with all of his heart and it showed in all that he did. Some of my earliest memories of him are of all the hours that he would spend studying God’s Word. He would sit with his Bible open, pen in hand, as he would jot down note after note about what he was reading that day.

1979 – Taken right around the time Dad was diagnosed with melanoma.

As he put the time into learning more and more about Jesus, Christ’s love poured out of my father. He was an Education Specialist at a medium-security Federal prison in our town and he openly shared the hope that he had found with the inmates that he came into contact with. Not only did he talk about his faith to the men he had in the classes that he taught, but he also had a prison ministry where he led a Bible study one night a week for the prisoners right there at the facility. And then every Sunday morning he would pick up a car full of inmates and would take them to church with us. My father reached out to “the least of these” just as Jesus told the righteous to do in Matthew 25:35-38.

35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

My dad was also great at modeling Christ’s love for our family. I never saw him angry or impatient. On the contrary, he was always loving, gentle, and kind. When he came in from work every day, we would eat dinner, and then the rest of his evening was devoted to us. We would take family bike rides or perhaps play a game such as UNO. If work had to be done, we’d do it together. We could often be found doing yard work together (I was a pro at pulling weeds by the age of 5) and if dad was in the garage building something, I was right beside him with my own tool belt, hammer, nails, and piece of wood.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. ~Ephesians 6:4

During the times that my brother and I needed correction, dad would not scream or talk down to us. Instead, he would get down to our level on one knee and would talk softly to us. We never felt shamed or unloved through his discipline. You see, my dad loved God first with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength and as a result, he was able to love us the way Jesus did. He demonstrated well for me the way in which God my Father loves me.

When I was 3 years old and Dad was just 33, he was diagnosed with cancer. A mole that had been removed on his hand showed back up 6 months later, shortly followed by a tumor on his elbow. Throughout Dad’s entire illness, his study time with Jesus continued. The fruit of that was supernatural strength to face gut-wrenching days. My mom has often told me the story of the day they received the news that the cancer had spread to his liver. There was nothing more that the doctor could do, so as you can imagine, the devastating news could have destroyed them both. They had an hour and a half drive back home after receiving the news, and she said the entire drive was filled with laughter. They weren’t distraught, fearful, or hopeless, but were actually the opposite. The only explanation is that God’s joy and peace were at work that day.

Near the end of my dad’s life, his pain began to increase. His doctor called in a prescription for Dilaudid, which is a high powered opioid pain medication. After having to drive to 3 pharmacies before finding one that had it in stock, my mom gave my dad his first dose. The medication knocked him out for several hours and when he woke up, he did not like the way he felt. This is where God’s unbelievable strength once again came into play. He told my mom to get rid of the medication because he never wanted to take another pill. He told her that he did not want to live his remaining days groggy and sleeping, so he would just do without. His desire was to spend as many days as possible with my mom, brother, and me with a clear mind no matter how bad the pain got.

My dad NEVER took another pain pill after that day. I didn’t go into our den very many times where his hospital bed was during those last days, but I remember at one point seeing how far the cancer had spread. He had blue knots all under the surface of his skin under his arms as well as protruding tumors all over his head and back. He was completely eaten up with cancer. I know this is detailed and a bit hard to read, but I simply want to paint a clear picture of the way my father was able to love us until the very end. I don’t think there is any denying that the only way Dad was able to do that was because of God’s strength. I don’t know that it would have been humanly possible without it.

Let me make it clear that I in no way think that pain meds are bad. They are very necessary and needed typically. I am simply sharing the way God taught me about love. I have never in my life wondered if my dad loved us. From my very first memory of him until my very last, I knew his love for us ran DEEP. He demonstrated this by putting others (us) above himself. My dad sacrificed his comfort in order to spend every possible moment with us until Jesus took him home.

A few months ago, I was reading in the book of Mark and came across a verse about another Man who did something very similar.

“And they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it.” ~ Mark 15:23

I had read this passage about the final day of Jesus’ life numerous times before, but I had never noticed this.  As I began to research “wine mixed with myrrh,” I learned that when a person was crucified, they were offered this concoction which had a numbing effect.  It was used to lessen the pain of the process, making it a bit more bearable.  But, notice what this verse says.  “…he did not take it.”   My Savior did not take it.  He did that for me.  And He did it for YOU.  He loved us so much that He wanted to experience the full brunt of our sins as He hung on the cross.  He didn’t want the pain lessened.  He wanted to feel every whip, every thorn, every sword, and every nail as He was beaten and bruised and sacrificed His life for us. 

These are the things that a father’s love will do. Our Heavenly Father bore the full weight of God’s wrath in exchange for our salvation with nothing to dull the pain. And as an earthly father spends time with Jesus, he will become more and more like Him. As a result, He will live his life in a way that will teach his children exactly who God is. They will recognize that God is a God of love and compassion, not a God filled with wrath and fury. He will not provoke his child to anger but will discipline in love. He will demonstrate for his children how to reach out to the “least of these” just as Jesus instructs us to do. And he will make sacrifices that are beyond human comprehension all because of the strength that only God can give. Even his death will glorify God. Please notice that I said that it was God’s strength that enabled my father to live the life that he lived. It was not of his own strength.

I pray that you will not wait to spend time daily with our Lord.  Living a life that glorifies Him is impossible without studying His life.  Take the time to examine and understand every word that He has given us.  Ask Him to help you to love Him first so that you can love others the way that He does.  You can’t do it without Him.  Take the time now and ask Him for his help. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!

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