In August, our family went through a drastic change. It was a change that we knew would one day come, but I don’t know how we got there so fast. After living under our roof for 21 years, our oldest child moved out. Having recently landed a full-time job at a local radio station as a production and technology coordinator, he decided it was time to branch out on his own.
I don’t think there’s anything that can prepare a momma’s heart for such news. I knew it was coming because the Lord had been preparing my heart. This is what we raise our children to do, right? They’re supposed to become responsible adults who can support themselves and be contributing members of society. They’re intended to grow up, get full-time jobs, and move out on their own. But, that doesn’t make it any easier.
Here’s how it all came to be. Back in February, I got a text from Solomon that said he needed to talk to his dad and me that night when he got off of work. I immediately knew the exact reason that he wanted to chat with us. “So, when are you moving out?” I quickly wrote back. He ignored my text and went onto another subject. I couldn’t let it go. My mind began to race and I knew there was no way I could wait until that evening to hear what he had to say. I probably shouldn’t have, but I asked again. “You ignored my question. When are you moving out?” My phone rang right away and he asked, laughing, “How do you always figure these things out?” I reminded him that there’s not much that can be pulled over on a mother.
Later that afternoon, I was walking through Target and passed a lady who was walking with her preschool-age son. I immediately went back in my mind to the days before our 2nd child was born when it was just me and Solomon running errands together while my husband worked. Instantly I saw his chubby little face and rosy cheeks as he walked beside me with his blankie draped over his shoulder, thumb in his mouth, and his tiny hand in mine. I admit I followed behind this mother and son for a bit while the memories came flooding back, all the while wanting to tell her to soak in every minute because these days would soon be gone. But, as tears began to sting my eyes, I decided it was best to let her be. I knew I would be a blubbering mess if I tried to speak.
I am thankful that I had 6 months to prepare myself for Solomon’s big move (which wasn’t exactly a “big” move because everything that he owned fit in his Chevy Trailblazer, but it was a big day for our family as a whole). I became accustomed to the idea and felt more and more peace as the day approached. On the morning of his move, I was sitting at my desk journaling as I worked through my feelings and emotions. I looked up and saw my sweet neighbor, Sue, walking down the sidewalk. Sue is the mother of 6 grown children, and I know that God sent her past my house at that exact moment because I needed to see her. I instantly felt peace wash over me and I was even able to smile as I thought, “Sue has done this six times. I can do it, too.”
As I continued to sit there that morning, I was also reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus. I was in pain because my son was moving out, but can you imagine the pain she felt as she watched her son being beaten and crucified? Think of how she felt as she watched Him take His last breath while He hung innocently on a cross. I can think of no worse pain than to watch your child suffer, especially when it’s totally out of your hands. Mary’s son was brutally murdered as people watched and cheered. And though He rose again, He would no longer be physically with her in human form as He had been in the past. Yes, I’m sure she understood that He fulfilled the greatest of purposes, but Mary was still a human who experienced the same emotions that we feel. I’m sure she missed Jesus immensely. This definitely put things in perspective for me.
I’ve surprisingly handled this bittersweet change well. There were lots of tears shed on the day Solomon moved, but since then I’ve been ok. I definitely have days when I miss him terribly, but I’m able to remind myself that this is healthy. I’m insanely proud of him and it’s been rewarding to watch him thrive on his own.
I’m writing about this adjustment in our life to remind you that the days with your children at home and under your roof will be over in the blink of an eye. These days are precious and are fleeting. We had 7,764 days with Solomon and I still cannot believe how fast it went. The morning of his move, I was standing in the kitchen crying with my husband and all I could say was, “How did we get here so fast?” So, I encourage you, let the idea of having an immaculate house go. The organization of your linen closet, a sink that is never full of dirty dishes, and the latest post by your friends on Facebook do not matter.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” ~ Matthew 6:19-20
Your child’s heart and soul are what really matter and these are some of the heavenly treasures you should be storing up, not the “treasures” of this world. When you stand before God one day, He will not ask you how clean your house was or how much money you had in your bank account. Those things will pass away. But, what will really matter will be the souls that you have touched and sown into and your children should be number one on that list.
“Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” ~ James 4:14
Take it from me, you do not have an infinite number of days with your children. Not only do they grow up, get jobs, and move away, we have no idea how many days we have left here on earth. This life is but a mist and goes by fast. You can’t put off making memories with your children or teaching them what it means to be a disciple of Christ. One day they will be out in the “real world” and your direct influence over them will be a thing of the past. Make the most of the days you have with them because these days are flying by. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!
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