As parents living in this world that we are presently in, it is easy to be overtaken by fear. Sin and depravity abound in our culture and it’s frightening to think what our children will face in the future. Will they be able to worship God as they please or will they suffer persecution? Will the darkness and sinful ideals of our culture overtake them? Will they be able to stand up for truth or will they be squelched? What exactly is the world going to look like when they are raising families of their own?
I was discussing these questions with a few friends recently and sharing with them how easy it is to let fear begin to creep in. One of them reminded me of something that I have been holding onto ever since. She said something like, “We have to remember that God chose our children to live in these times that we are now facing.” First, let me point out how important it is to surround ourselves with like-minded friends. They keep us grounded and pull us back in when our thinking gets out of whack. Second, think about what she said. Our children were CHOSEN to live in this period of time! These times that we are living in are no surprise to God. So, we must never doubt that He will equip them and give them all that they need. We cannot take our responsibility of training them lightly.
It is imperative that we pray over our children daily and using scripture as a guideline is the most powerful way to petition our Lord on their behalf. In THIS POST I wrote about the benefits of praying Psalm 91 over our families. I still pray this entire chapter several times a week as a request for spiritual protection over my husband and children. I recently stumbled upon Romans 12 (which we know “stumbled” means the Holy Spirit led me to it) which I have found to be another great chapter to pray over my children. I encourage you to take the time to read through this passage and ask God to give your children the strength to live as Paul encouraged the Christian churches in Rome to live.
Our prayers for our children should not merely be that they simply make it through life unscathed. As Christians, our goal should not be to sit in our Christian bubble while silently serving God, so as not to draw any attention to ourselves. On the contrary, we should pray that our children are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37); that they go into the world and preach the gospel to their friends, families, coworkers, and neighbors, (Mark 16:15); and that they go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28:19).
God keeps reminding me that we are living in an age where our children have to be spiritually strong. Our freedoms are slowly being taken away and unless something changes, their generation will have to stand up for their faith more so than any of us in America have had to at this point. They will need to be a light in the darkness and an example to those around them of the hope that comes only from Jesus. As parents, this may be intimidating to think about as we do not know what opposition our children will encounter, but there are several promises that we need to keep in mind.
God put our children here. Their lives did not come to be through happenstance. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” (Psalm 139:13, 15). The Creator of the universe not only intricately designed our children, but He also placed them here fully aware of what they would face in their lifetimes.
God has a purpose for them. “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16) God not only created our children in the depths of our womb, he also ordained their days. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” I don’t know about you, but knowing that God has work prepared for my children to do brings me great peace.
God will equip them. When we teach our children God’s Word and encourage them to use the Bible as their main source for wisdom, they will be fully prepared for anything that comes their way. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” The scriptures will strengthen them and provide them with everything that they need.
God will be with them: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 We never have to worry about our children being alone as long as they are walking with Jesus. He will be with them, guiding them and leading them in all of their ways.
God will give them wisdom: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 In any situation in life, our children will simply have to ask God for wisdom and He will give it to them.
I can guarantee you that life will not be easy for our children, just as it is not for us. Being a Christian does not make us exempt from heartache and pain. But, we can have complete peace knowing that our children were created by God and he has ordained their days. Don’t live in fear! Teach your children that no matter how tough life is, God has put them here, has a purpose for their lives, will equip them, will be with them, and will give them wisdom if they just ask. Remind them that the reward that they will have waiting if they stay connected to The Vine will be worth whatever hardship and persecution that they may face. Tell Jesus that you need Him to guide YOU in this process because apart from Him, we can do NOTHING. (John 15:5). Trust the Lord today with your children’s lives and futures. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!
From the time I had my first child, I had heard so many horror stories about the teen years. “Just wait until he’s a teenager. You think she has an attitude now? Wait until she’s 16! Parenting only gets harder as they become teens.” I’m sure every parent has heard these same types of remarks from fellow parents. I have to say, though, that I disagree with this assessment of teenagers. As the mom of 4 children ages 21, 17, 15, and 10, I can honestly say that teenhood has been one of my favorite stages. It’s incredibly exciting and rewarding to watch as your children begin to form their own opinions and decide the path they want to take in life. You can begin to enjoy the fruits of your labor as your children mature into young men and women. I’m not at all saying that this phase of your child’s life will be easy to navigate. It can be HARD (is there anything in life that isn’t difficult at times?), but with lots of prayers, love, laughter, tears, attention, and hard work, these can be some of the best years of your life.
Teach them while they’re young
Preparing for the teen years starts when your child is small. If you’re new to your faith and didn’t begin when your children were young, it isn’t too late. God will redeem all of those years. Here are some verses that my husband and I try to live by that will prepare both your child as well as you for the young adult years. Or if your child is already a teenager, these verses are equally as important.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (emphasis mine)
Teaching our children to love God with their whole heart (which is the greatest commandment) can only be taught by living it out. Talk about it at home, when you’re driving to soccer practice, in the morning, at night, and all throughout the day. It’s a lifestyle. These lessons need to be at the forefront of our minds as we go about our days with our children. This will set the foundation for them as they grow older and become more independent.
I am absolutely in NO WAY a perfect parent. I am so far from it. And my children are not perfect. We were all born with a sin nature and we are struggling to reach the finish line. I have made so, so many mistakes along the way, but I’ve learned a lot, too. The purpose of this blog is to share with you some things that I’ve learned about parenting teenagers so that perhaps you will learn from my experiences and mistakes.
Things I’ve learned from being a parent to teens:
Enjoy these years with them! You’ve heard the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short,” and that’s so true. My 21-year-old is less than 2 months from moving into his own apartment. I look back at his life and I swear it’s a blur, although we went through tough times that seemed to last forever along the way.
Learn when to speak up and when to just sit back and pray. This is something you will use for the rest of their lives and needs to be woven into the very fabric of your parenting. It isn’t always necessary to give your opinion on matters. Often learning lessons for themselves and allowing the Holy Spirit to teach them is going to go way further than nagging.
Allow them to form their own opinions. It’s unhealthy to expect your child’s viewpoints to line up exactly with yours. The Lord has reminded me through the years that I am not training robots and programming them to think and believe exactly the way I want them to. Instead, I’m rearing living, breathing human beings that should believe and think independently for themselves. Consider this – do you 100% agree with your parents when it comes to politics and religion? I’m sure you don’t. The case will be the same for your kids. All we can do is guide them and pray they come to conclusions that line up with God’s Word. And we can’t shame them for their opinions. Instead, we need to provide a safe place where they can talk through issues without feeling guilty for the way they feel. You may see them waver as they are trying to decide what they think about certain issues. I have found this to be perfectly normal.
Take time with them. Learn about the things that they enjoy even if you don’t “get it.” My kids love to save videos for me on their phones (typically on the app “Tik-Tok”). They usually save several that they think I will enjoy, and often after dinner, we will view the videos together. I have to admit, half of the time I don’t even understand the humor in the videos. Also, their timing is not always super convenient. But, I remind myself that one day they will be gone and I’ll only WISH they were around to show me Tik-Toks. So, I’ll find the time and try my best to understand what they’re showing me which often ends with fits of laughter on their end as they try to explain to me what I’ve just seen. Also, I try to find the time to take one kid out at a time, even if it’s just to run errands. This enables me to hear what’s going on in their world and in their heart without any interruptions.
Give them permission to decide what they believe spiritually and why they believe it. Doubts are TOTALLY acceptable in our house and often lead to great conversations. If my children do not know why they believe in Jesus, the world is going to eat them up. They will easily be swayed and may ultimately turn their back on God. They can’t believe just because dad and mom said so. Our kids have all had periods where they didn’t know if they believed the same as we do. They’ve asked questions such as, “How do we know that God is real?” They’ve said things like, “How do we know Christianity is the right religion? Don’t you think every person believes that their personal religion is the correct one? What if they are right and we are wrong?” These are HARD questions! We always answer them as best we can and then we have to allow them to dig deeper. As a parent, that can be a scary place to be. But, as each child has gone through their periods of doubt, we’ve had to release them to God, trusting that He would reveal HImself to them. Without fail, He has done just that every single time.
Get to know their friends. Be the house that is a safe, fun place to hang-out. The best way to stay connected with your teen is to know what’s going on in their world, and their social life is always a huge part of that. Getting to know who is influencing them and who they are spending time with gives you great insight into their lives. We also always try to get to know their friends’ parents so that when they hang out at their house, we know a bit about their family.
Help them find their strengths and passions. I’ve noticed one of the most difficult phases of life is deciding which career path our children would like to start on. My husband and I think a little differently than some on this and we don’t expect our kids to know at 18 what they want to do with the rest of their lives. I still don’t even know what I want to do with the rest of my life and I’m 44! So instead, we help them to find their strengths and passions. What is it that really excites them? What are they really good at? What are their weaknesses? How can they use their strengths most effectively? What did God create them to be? And then we encourage them to find ways to utilize their strong suits as stepping stones as they continue to discover who they are (which is ultimately a lifelong process).
Recognize that they are of a different generation and will see and do things differently than you. I remember being a teenager myself and thinking my parents didn’t really understand me. I think every teenager feels the same. They feel that way because it’s absolutely the truth. Yes, I was a teenager once and can identify with my children, but I grew up in a completely different period of time. Kids in our current world see and know things that we didn’t know at their age, mainly because of the internet. TImes are just totally different. I can’t expect them to do things and think the same way I did back in the late eighties and early nineties because the world was different back then.
Don’t try to parent the way others do. It’s so easy to look and compare ourselves to other parents. But, this is such a dangerous place to be in. Just because Suzie gets an iPhone at 13 doesn’t mean your child should. Or don’t feel guilty if Johnny’s parents seem to always know how to handle every situation. Instead of looking to other parents for parenting wisdom, look to the One who entrusted you with your children. He knows them better than anyone and can give you the exact wisdom you need.
Don’t compare your child to other teenagers. This goes for siblings as well as friends. Saying things like, “You don’t work as hard as your brother/sister,” will only cause damage. Each child is going to learn, grow, and mature at different rates. Allow your child to develop at a rate that’s appropriate for them all while praying for wisdom on when to give them a little push and when to be quiet and allow them to learn for themselves.
Keep the dialogue open. The best way to know what’s going on in your child’s mind is to not only talk to them but also to listen as well. As tempting as it may be, there’s no reason to criticize everything they say. Like I mentioned earlier, they are trying to figure out their views. If you knock everything that they say or turn every conversation into a life lesson, you will turn them off and the lines of communication will be broken. Sometimes they just need someone to listen without unsolicited advice.
Be a soft place for them to land where they can make mistakes. Oftentimes, making mistakes is the best way to learn. Sometimes teens need to see things for themselves in order for lessons to really sink in. God has taught me the importance of showing grace to my children, though I didn’t start out that way. I was pretty tough on my first child as I’ve shared in previous posts. I was a perfectionist within myself and that bled over some into my parenting. Fortunately, God gently reminded me early on of the amount of grace and mercy that He’s shown me over the years. He has often withheld punishment from me that I no doubt deserved and instead, He simply showed grace and love. The world is going to be tough enough when my kids go out. They need a safe, peaceful place to come home to where it’s ok to mess up. When mistakes are made, they often hear me say, “Chalk it up as an experience. Did you learn from it? Will you do it again? God forgives you, I forgive you, now you need to forgive yourself and move on.”
Trust them! If I crowd my teens and micromanage everything that they do, they’ll never learn to make good choices in life. Through Christ, we have managed to build a trusting bond with our children, but at times I’ve wondered if I’m too trusting. They’ve never given me a reason NOT to trust them, so I don’t check my teens’ phones every night as some parents do. I don’t keep a close eye on what they listen to or watch (especially our older teens). Rather, I trust them to make good choices. So many times I’ve wondered if that will come back to haunt me. But, my three oldest kids have started telling me something really interesting. They’ve told me that since we trust them as much as we do, that makes them want to make good decisions because they don’t want to disappoint us and break that trust. I’ve found that if they mess up, they come to us and tell us instead of hiding it. And that’s when guidance comes into play. If there is a show or YouTuber who brings on weird thoughts or feelings, we talk about how that’s probably not a great thing to watch because what we put into our minds truly affects who we are. They have always willingly made the change on their own. We’ve also had a few instances of anxiety during the last few months due to the excessive fear-mongering by the media. We’ve had conversations about taking a break from social media which they have easily agreed to. I know that it is totally due to God and His wisdom that we’ve been able to build this trust.
Don’t Wait to enjoy these days
I pray that these words bring peace to your heart as a parent. Remember that apart from Christ, you can do NOTHING. You must be in His Word every single day asking for wisdom. I have no clue how things will turn out with my children. I pray that they all will walk with the Lord all the days of their life, but I have no guarantees. All I can do is keep myself anchored to the feet of Jesus as I plead for His wisdom. I can teach my children through my own life and words and trust that they will see Christ in me.
If you have teenagers, DON’T WAIT to enjoy them! Spend time with them. Love them. Cherish them. Trust them. Guide them. Talk to them. And allow them to make mistakes. Show them grace and mercy and remember that one day they will be gone and your refrigerator will stay full longer and your house will be quiet. So, make the most of these days because they are quickly fleeting. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!
21 years ago today you gave me one of the greatest gifts you could have possibly given me – I had my first child and became a mom. As you know, my journey into motherhood was not an easy one. Even though I knew you, I had yet to realize that my worth was in you. Instead, it was wrapped up in the need to be perfect. I was more worried about controlling every detail of my existence and how my life looked rather than letting you be in charge. So, I stayed on edge making sure everything was perfect. I strived to be the model mom and spent crazy amounts of time making sure everything was flawless for Solomon. He was bathed nightly and slathered in baby lotion (I had to make sure he smelled good). His clothes were washed in Dreft and Downy, matched perfectly, and could have absolutely no stains. He had to be seen as a “good baby,” so I did all I could to make him happy. I felt proud when people asked if he ever cried since he was always so content, and my self-worth was boosted when people were impressed with how well he listened as he got older. Being my first, I was pretty hard on him because I had this vision of how I wanted him to behave (typical of a first-time parent, I know). My perfectionism bled into every area of mothering. I put up a facade so that I appeared to have it all together, but I was falling apart on the inside.
I looked put together on the outside, but was falling apart on the inside.
A few months into motherhood, I began to crash. I began to have off the wall, irrational fears and panic attacks consumed me. I had chronic pain in my side from constantly staying so uptight and I seriously thought I was dying of cancer. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and could barely function. My body began to react to the incredible amount of stress I had placed on myself. Yet, true to your word, you used every bit of the ashes of my life and worked it for my good. At the time, you felt a million miles away. My prayers and cries for help felt like they left my lips and went absolutely nowhere. But, even in spite of myself and my flaws, you gave me a son that has turned into an amazing young man. You took my perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, and all-consuming fears and turned them into something beautiful. How is it that such an amazing human can come from a fragile shell of a woman even with my sinfulness and weaknesses? He isn’t perfect, but I’m amazed by him when I think back over the last 21 years. Lord, I pray that our story shared through this prayer will help other parents see that your hand is on our children, even in our humanness and with our frailties.
I am grateful that even though I hit such an insanely low point in my life at the beginning of my motherhood journey, you blessed me with a husband who stuck with me. He has been so much fun to parent with and he is a joy to make decisions with as we parent our children. Thank you that we balance each other out perfectly and that when I’m fearful, he can teach them to be brave and that when he is too brave (like allowing them to try crazy stunts), I can reign him in. There is no one I’d rather have as the father of my children.
Earl holding it all together while I was falling apart
I am thankful that even though I can be lazy at times, you gave us a son that is an insanely diligent worker. You wired him to work hard from the time he was tiny. Bear with me as I take a walk down Memory Lane. At the age of 18 months, his favorite activity was vacuuming. He would ask for the “dat-tu,” so we eventually bought him a toy one of his own. When we sold our first house and cleaned it for the final time, he vacuumed more of the house than I did (he was only almost 2). When we arrived at our new home a few hours later with the moving truck full of our furniture, he carried just as many items as the men did into our house. It was that day that I realized how driven he was. From the age of 4, he would push the lawnmower with his dad and help cut the lawn. Earl would give him sunglasses to protect his eyes and put Solomon in front of him. He would hold onto the lowest bar while his dad would patiently push mow the yard as Solomon helped for the duration of the time. When he was around the age of 8, we had a face cord and a half of wood delivered in preparation for the coming winter. He told me that afternoon that he was going to go out and start stacking it and in no time he had stacked every piece. By the age of 10, he was completely cutting the yard on his own and loved every minute of it. Around the same age, he started dabbling in making videos, and over the course of the next few years, I watched as he grew a YouTube channel from the ground up. He worked for hours a day figuring out what kind of content people enjoy, how to edit the videos, the best time of day to upload them, how to make money, and so on. By the age of 15, he had a very successful channel with 33,000 subscribers and was bringing in money monthly. When he told me at 16 that he was ready to let YouTube go and get a real job, my heart sank. Was he prepared for that? He had been homeschooled his entire life. Had I done all I could to prepare him to hold down a job? And then you gently reminded me that preparing him was not MY job. It was yours. Sure enough, he landed the first job he applied for. On the day I drove him to his interview, I was more nervous than he was. His response to me was, “Mom, why are you nervous? If this job is God’s will for my life, they’ll hire me. If not, there’s something better for me.” He was hired on the spot. During the 4.5 years he worked there, I was told countless times by many different managers that he was one of the hardest workers they had. I pray that the work ethic you’ve blessed him with will always support him and his future wife and children and that whatever he does he will do it with all of his heart as though he’s working for you and not man (Colossians 3:23).
Mowing the lawn at a year
Mowing the lawn at 10
Toy vacuum
Thank you that even though I do not always set a Christlike example, you have made yourself real to him. When he accepted you at the age of 8, I could tell that he truly understood the decision he was making. We had stopped at church that day and decided to sneak quickly into the back of a room where a youth rally was ending. The plan of salvation was laid out and we didn’t realize how intently he was listening. When the teens were asked who had invited Christ into their life, we were shocked when Solomon raised his hand. When he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face, I knew he fully understood who you are and the gift you had given him. As the years went on and his childhood years turned to teenage years, he began to struggle with his faith. We encouraged him to ask all of the questions he needed to and do all the research necessary. He can’t make it to heaven on our coattails, so he had to know why he believed what he believed. Without this crucial step in his faith journey, he would be eaten up by the world. We had to trust that you would once again show yourself to him. On Christmas evening when he was sixteen, he was literally within minutes of completely renouncing his faith because there were so many things he just could not understand about you. True to who you are, you came down and met him in our basement and made yourself known to him in a way that none of our family could ever deny. When we seek you, we find you (Luke 11:9). Thank you that he has never looked back.
Thank you that even though I can be very selfish and inward-focused, you have given him a heart for people. When he sees a homeless person out on the street, he always passes them a few bucks. He develops relationships with these people and knows the details of their lives, though most (including myself, ashamedly) will walk right past them. He checks on them when he sees them and always shares the truth about you. He keeps a few bibles in his glove compartment and passes your word on when given the chance. And he somehow does all of this with grace and in a way that isn’t pushy. He simply develops a relationship and loves the way you do. Last year he was waiting for some scary test results to come in. His grandfather (my father) died at the age of 37 from melanoma, so when a suspicious mole was found on Solomon’s foot, it was a bit worrisome for all of us. After a day of fear, he came to me and said, “Mom, I’m not going to live in fear. Instead, I’m going to reach out to other people and focus on them instead of myself.” He then invited our elderly neighbor over for dinner and cooked the entire meal himself. How could someone so young have so much wisdom? The answer is you.
This is one of my all time favorite pictures of him. Instead of living in fear of the future, he was serving our elderly neighbor by making a spaghetti dinner.
Even though I have not always been the greatest example of a guide as his mom, thank you that Solomon is a natural-born leader. Raising a leader is not always easy. They typically have strong opinions and extreme determination. Allowing a child who is a leader to develop these skills while also teaching them to respect authority can be tricky at times. Yet you were always faithful in giving us wisdom as we fostered leadership skills. Thank you for every creative idea you’ve planted in his mind, for every shelf he built, every instrument he made, and every plan he carried through. He came to me sometime around his 11th birthday with an idea that he wanted to carry out. Memorial Day was about a week away and he wanted to organize a neighborhood Memorial Day celebration. His plan was to have as many neighbors as possible to display an American flag as a way to show their thanks to those who gave their lives for our freedom. As his idea came together, he gave me his supply list. He then drafted a flier for the neighbors and made a sign for our front yard. All I could think while his siblings and I walked with him as he went door-to-door passing out fliers and asking neighbors to join his cause was, “Thank you, Lord, for this kid who wants to honor fallen Americans, even at only 11 years of age.”
Our front yard
Although I fail miserably at always showing kindness and love, thank you that he has still become an amazing big brother. He wasn’t super crazy about the idea of having a younger sibling initially. “I don’t want to be a big brother! I want to stay Solomon!” he told us when we asked if he wanted a “Big Brother” t-shirt. We realized that he was afraid his identity would change, so we offered to have an “I Love My Baby Sister” shirt made instead. He agreed that it was a good idea. He quickly grew into his role and has adored each and every sibling. He has always been a protector and has loved spending time with his 2 sisters and brother. As he’s grown older, his influence in their lives has grown also. His walks with them to 7-11 for a Slurpee have turned into drives to Tim Horton’s for a soda and walks around Canalside. He is also intentional about spending time with each one individually. Movies, concerts, shows, and road trips make each sister and brother feel special and valued. “I want to spend time with each one because I know one day I will be on my own,” he has told me. The memories he has made with each one are pretty amazing. This is all you, Lord. Thank you for the relationship he has with each sibling.
“I do not want to be a big brother. I want to stay Solomon.”
Telling his sister he was proud of her dancing
Playing with his brother in the rain because that’s one of his favorite childhood memories
A road trip with his sister
Road trip with his sister
Walking out a dance recital
Digging the biggest hole possible with his brother
Walking out of another dance recital
This is our table every evening – sharing videos they’ve found for each other throughout the day.
At the movies with his brother
Another movie with his brother
Taking his sister to a show
Off to see AJR in concert
Excited that his sister got her learner’s permit
Checking out said learner’s permit
Comforting his sad little brother
Sibling walk to 7-11 for a Slurpee
Ride to Tim Horton’s for a soda
Off to see Imagine Dragons
Though I make foolish decisions at times, thank you that Solomon is wise. When he was first born, I began praying that he would have wisdom. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help him to grasp spiritual things that most others can’t. I told Solomon a few years ago that I’m not even sure where that prayer came from. His response was, “Mom, the Holy Spirit helps us to pray. So, that must have been the prayer for me that He wanted you to pray.” See what I mean? Such wisdom that comes from you.
Thank you that even though I have not always been faithful to you, he still runs hard after you. I am grateful that he recognizes his need for you. That he studies and knows your Word. That he prays through each decision that he has to make and that he trusts you even when things are uncertain. I pray that following after you would always be his number one desire because that is all that matters in this world. His social status, career path, type of car he drives, and size of house he lives in means nothing. All that matters is his relationship with you.
I will forever be thankful for all of the people who have poured into Solomon’s life to help shape him into the man he is becoming. Brian and Amy Parker spent hours upon hours teaching him about you from approximately the ages of 6 to 13. They sacrificed their time for a group of boys to impart their spiritual wisdom into their lives. I know that they played a HUGE role in the spiritual foundation that was laid when Solomon was a child. Thank you for Andy Toukatley who was Solomon’s middle school small group leader. He showed him that even young, cool people should follow you and that being a believer can be fun. Thank you for Orin Helfrich who was his small group leader in high school and to this day continues to meet with the guys in the group on occasion. Thank you for Corey Coogan who has been a great example to Solomon in the last 2-3 years. He has given him opportunities to lead and has taught him how to be a great leader. He has given Solomon freedom to learn even if mistakes are made. I will forever be grateful for these friends who have loved my boy.
And now, Jesus, as he is getting older and the dynamic of our relationship is changing, please Don’t Wait to give me wisdom. Show me when to speak and when to just pray for him as he navigates his life. I pray that our relationship will always be close, but that it will be easy to step aside when he meets his future wife. I’ve witnessed too many mothers and daughters-in-law who struggle because mom is overbearing. Guide my words. Guide my actions. And bring that special girl into his life when the time is right. Thank you for blessing his faithfulness with his new job. We know that it is a gift from you. As he prepares to move out in a few months, keep him safe. I pray that he always knows that our house is his house and the door is always open.
We are living in an age that can be very scary as a parent. The world seems very upside-down and we are witnessing our country experience major changes. We know that there is an enemy who is out to destroy our families, so we must be on guard. Through my years of parenting, I’ve discovered that there is only one way to parent well and that is by being in God’s word every. single. day. I can’t stress this enough. Notice I didn’t say we must read the latest parenting books or ask Siri or even friends for wisdom. Those things can be useful and very beneficial, but at the end of the day, only God Himself knows what is best for your family.
Even though I was raised in church, this is not a discipline that I practiced until later in life. I would read a few times a week and I fully believed in God and everything that He promised, but it took going through a deep depression to realize how much I NEED God, especially as a parent. A few years ago, my pastor was preaching a sermon and used John 15:1-5 as a reference. John 15:5 really stuck out to me (though I had heard it a million times) and the last part has become my mantra.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING.”(my emphasis added)
“Apart from you, Lord, I can do nothing. Apart from YOU, I can do nothing. Apart from you, I can do absolutely nothing. Apart from you, I can do nothing.” This is my cry throughout the day, nearly every day. And guess what? He gives me exactly what I need. We absolutely cannot parent in the times that we live in without spending time with Him DAILY. It’s hard, I know. You’re tired. You’re running here and there. You’re up late with your newborn. You’re chasing your toddler all day. You’re working your job. You’re cooking dinner. You’re driving your children to games, practices, and classes. Our lives have become insane! BUT!!! Time with the One who created us, who sustains us, and who gives us peace is a necessity.
When the alarm goes off in the morning, it’s tough to not continuously hit the snooze button until the last possible moment because you are exhausted and running on fumes. But, Don’t Wait to take the time. Get up 15 minutes early. If your kids are wired the way mine are, they probably have some sort of radar that lets them know when you are awake, so they will get up, too. I have to admit, I would often stop reading when this would happen and would move on with my day. If I could go back, though, I never would have done that. I would have found the time. I know that it would have made me a better mom, one with more peace. If your children wake up early, as mine inevitably did, get down on the floor while they play and read next to them. Think about what that will teach your child. Or take time during their nap while the house is quiet. You could also try turning a movie on to entertain them for a bit (I’m giving you permission – it isn’t going to hurt them). Or how about after they’re in bed? Breast-feeding mommas, read during a few of your feedings throughout the day. Whatever it takes, you cannot afford to skip this! Over time, 15 minutes will turn into 30 and 30 into 45. It’s like any other healthy relationship. The more time you spend with Him, the more you’ll find any moment possible to do so. The relationship will just get deeper and deeper and sweeter and sweeter.
Here are just a few benefits I’ve found of spending time in God’s Word:
Spending time in God’s Word will keep our hearts in the right place as we guide our children.
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
I see two specific things in this verse that stick out to me. First, God’s word is alive and active. This is why even though I had read John 15:5 over and over, it didn’t stick out to me until a few years ago. You may feel you know what the Bible says, but reading a verse one day and reading the same verse a few days later can impact you in a different way. Also, His Word judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. As parents, we must constantly allow God to judge our thoughts and attitudes. And how does He do this? He speaks to us as we pray and spend time reading the Bible. We are responsible for guiding our children and if our thoughts and attitudes do not line up with God’s Word, we will do a poor job of this.
2. Spending time in God’s Word will guide you as you are making critical decisions concerning your children.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105
We need God to guide us, especially in the times we’re living in. We’re navigating unchartered waters as we parent during this age of technology. Our children (even our little ones if we aren’t careful) are inundated with information that we did not have access to when we were kids. Porn is easier to access, videos and ads expose them to the evils of the world such as mass shootings, diseases, and other matters that they do not need to worry with (even if we try to shield them, their friends will fill them in), and cyber-bullying is a concern because their peers can hide behind a screen. A very wise older woman at church pointed out to me that our generation cannot ask older generations of parents for advice on social media and technology because they didn’t have to face the decisions that we are having to make. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been praying for wisdom concerning issues such as this and a verse will pop out that points me in the right direction. He alone knows what works best for my kids. If we ask Him, He will guide us through His Word during these uncertain years.
I heard a sermon on this verse (Psalm 119:105 from above) years ago by Pastor Jerry Gillis at The Chapel at Crosspoint and it has stuck with me. He said the lamp that David is referring to is not a modern-day lamp that lights up the entire room. It’s an oil lamp that illuminates only a small area. So, God shows us a step or two at a time. This is why we must be consistent in our time with Him. We can trust that He will guide us through each little step that we take when we are in daily communion with Him. We don’t have to look way down the road with fear. That should bring such PEACE! We don’t have to make decisions regarding our children on our own. He gives us the wisdom that we need.
3. Spending time in God’s Word enables us to parent peacefully.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
This is a verse I memorized when I was deep in depression 20 years ago. It has gotten me through some very dark times in life. Let’s take a look at what it says. First, we don’t have to worry! There are so many things to think about, past, present, and future, as we parent our children. Instead of fretting over these concerns that are often far beyond our grasp, we should pray. It’s that simple. Pray, tell Him what you need, and thank Him for all He’s done. When we do this, we will experience PEACE that won’t make any sense. How can we have peace when our children are at risk of contracting the latest virus or when they have to go through lockdown drills at school in case there’s ever an armed madman in their school building? It’s because of Christ. His peace truly will guard your heart and mind. I am proof of that. I’ll share my rocky journey into motherhood at some point, but just trust me when I say I started out as a very nervous mother that was so consumed by fear that I could barely function for the first year of my firstborn’s life. But, time in His Word daily has taken all fear away.
4. Spending time in God’s Word gives us strength.
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1
I would encourage you to read the rest of Psalm 27. It’s a great reminder of why we need God. He will give you the peace, strength, guidance, and wisdom you need to make it through these scary, uncertain, exciting, and precious years you have with your children. Don’t Wait to begin this practice. I’ll be honest, I am only 4 and a half years into making this a priority every single day even though I have attended church the entire almost 44 years of my life. I cannot tell you the difference it’s made in every area of my life. I no longer live in fear, especially as I raise my children. God gives me a peace that I cannot explain and I so desire for you to have the same. Take the time to make God the number one priority in your life. And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!
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