And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  ~ Roman 8:28

If you’ve been in church any amount of time you’ve probably heard this verse a time or two (and probably more).  Think closely about the words of this promise.  God works for our good in ALL things.  He doesn’t say in just a few things or in SOME things.  He says ALL things.  That means the good as well as the bad.  

In an earlier post which can be found HERE, I wrote about the time that God spoke to me after my second father (Papa) passed away.  His words calmed me for a bit and eased some of the turmoil that was ravaging my mind. I also mentioned that throughout my entire grieving process, I had some really tough days, but it was His voice that would always quiet my soul and reorient me back to Him.  I would have never dreamed that losing Papa (one of the worst days of my entire life) would be used for my good. But, God did use it for something amazing because that’s just the kind of God that He is.

Let’s rewind to about 6 months prior to Papa’s death.  I had reached a point in my spiritual journey where I felt stuck.  Even though I had gone to church faithfully for my entire life, I could not wrap my head around God’s love for me.  I couldn’t understand how He would love ME and care for ME in spite of all that I was.  I struggled to comprehend the depth of it, though I earnestly desired to.  So, I began asking Him to help me to grasp His love for me.  I had read a book called Deeper, by Debbie Alsdorf, which told the story of how God had used Psalm 139 to bring healing to Debbie’s life by taking what she knew in her head about God’s love and planting it in her heart.  I knew that I desperately needed the idea that God loved me to be shifted from my mind and to become deeply embedded into my heart.  

I printed Psalm 139 out in several different versions of the Bible and began pouring over them.  I would spread them out in front of me as I knelt on the floor, begging God to help me understand His love and care for me.  I would read each verse slowly from all 4 different translations that I had printed out, just trying to find SOMETHING that would make it all click for me.  

This search continued until Papa passed away in July of 2008. My pursuit of understanding was put on the back burner (or so I thought) as I worked through my grief.  For the remainder of the summer, my mind was still clouded and my world was dark and gray.  I typically am not an emotional person, but for the next few months, I cried every single day.  I had never felt such deep sorrow.  I was advised by several friends to take my time grieving, so I took their words to heart.  I knew that I needed to grieve properly in order for healing to take place.  

About 3 months in, bitterness began to creep its way into my life.  How could God do this to me?  The only thing that made me feel better about losing my first dad was that my mom had married Papa.  If my first dad had not died, Papa would have never been in my life.  But now, they were both gone.  Why would God make my mom a widow at the age of 34 and then again at 59?  She still had many years left to live.  She had always served God and lived a good life.  She didn’t deserve this.  And what about my kids?  They had lost their grandfather whom they were very close to.  My flesh and earthly perspective took over and I forgot all about the fact that the trials and adversities in this life have purpose.  I lost sight of the promise that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. 

Over time, I began to hate the way that I felt.  Bitterness just doesn’t feel good when it festers and festers.  It begins to bleed into all areas of life and can be a huge, unnecessary burden.  So, I told my husband that I was going to dig my heels in and work through the resentment that I was feeling.  He patiently supported me through the long, arduous process. I used my journal as my outlet and didn’t hold back as I wrote.  My entries were written to God because I knew that my healing could be found in Him.  But, I was pretty angry with Him, and I laid it all out.  I confess I said some pretty harsh things.  I lashed out, questioned Him, and said things that I never should have said.

A few months into this process, I was standing in the bathroom and picked up a copy of “The Message” (a translation of the Bible) and opened it to begin reading.  I’m not even sure why I was reading in the bathroom, but the exact moment will forever be etched in my memories.  I randomly opened to Ephesians chapter 3 and began reading where my eyes landed.

16 I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit – not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength – 17 that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, 18 you’ll be able to take in with all Christians the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! 

The very second that I read, “Plumb the depths!” I felt every single bit of bitterness and anger that I had been carrying around COMPLETELY disappear and I felt an overwhelming, deep sense of love that was undeniably from God.  Think about it.  I had certainly tested its length.  And I had undoubtedly plumbed the depths.  I had said nasty things to God.  Things that He didn’t deserve.  Things that were terribly cruel.  And in spite of all that I had said, God loved me so much that He reached down and in a split second He healed my heart.  The healing has remained for 11 years and I’ve never once felt even an ounce of resentment since that day.  It was truly supernatural.

Can you see that God uses all things for our good?  Losing Papa was one of my absolute biggest fears.  Knowing that I would no longer have his love and support here on this earth again absolutely wrecked me. But, God had used one of the most tragic events in my life to answer my prayer.  He taught me about His love.  I finally got that He loved me deeply no matter who I am at the core of my sin-filled being.  Even when I had said nasty, hateful things to Him, He touched my heart and healed me.  That is something that only God himself can do.

Are you in need of healing in an area of your life?  Don’t Wait to ask God to mend you.  Remember that He can use every single thing to work for your good, to bring you closer to Him, to make you more like Him, if you will just allow Him to.  Reach out to Him and experience the breadth of His love.  He loves you more than you can fathom.  I know that I still don’t completely understand how deeply he cares for me because my human mind can’t even begin to comprehend that.  But, I do know that His love is immense and it’s His desire to bring you ever closer to Him.  It doesn’t matter if you are new to faith or a seasoned believer, ask Him to use every area of your life for His glory.  Do it today.  And whatever you do, DON’T WAIT!!!